I’ve been terrified to have kids. I struggle when I make a mistake. I have a hard time relaxing and I work a lot. I have a lot of issues with money and I struggle to see God as the provider. I have a lot of regret about not having kids, but I’m proud we finally stabilized my parents. It took so much from me, but I’m much closer to my God because of all the trauma.

It was not until very recently that I realized that my parent's divorce affected me. I think the circumstances surrounding it were so chaotic that I never saw it as the most impactful thing… I never witnessed their love and felt so far removed from the dynamics of their marriage (besides their bickering) that I did not think I had much to grieve… Today, I am grieved by my parent’s divorce, as I see it as the catalyst to the various other traumas I experienced.

My mom had an affair and left us for her boyfriend, now husband. It was messy, we didn't see it coming. She moved out on Thanksgiving weekend. I came home from school and she was just gone. I still remember what it felt like to discover she had left. My dad was devastated, so he wasn't available to help guide me during this time. I was alone to figure it out. What hurt more was the fact that this happens all the time, so it's no big deal. But it was a huge deal to me.

I have very low self-esteem and have trouble feeling like I have the friendships I have. I have some friends, but at this point, I don’t feel too close to anyone, though I desire this. When dating, I am quite insecure with the person I’m with, which makes it hard to discern marriage with them. I feel insecure about changes in conversation and in my emotions while dating. I fear the person will leave and it will end.