Holidays with Divorced Parents: Part 1
5 minute read.
Navigating the holidays as a child of divorce can be incredibly challenging. From juggling split holiday schedules to coping with feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and family conflict, this season often amplifies emotional stress for teens and young adults from broken families. Whether it's managing time between parents, dealing with the dynamics of stepfamilies, or battling holiday depression, we’re here for you. To help, our holiday articles offer practical tips for not only surviving the holidays, but making them less stressful and more enjoyable.
Tip 1: Stop Trying to Fix or Please Everyone
The quickest way to misery is trying to please or fix everyone. It’s an impossible task that will always leave you feeling inadequate. It’s not your responsibility to please everyone. It’s not your job to clean up the mess inside your family. It’s not your job to fix your parents or their marriage. You can’t change them or your family. Sure, your influence has its place, but it’s not the same as being in control or responsible. Remember that you can love your parents and still acknowledge that they got themselves into this situation. As such, they need to work through it and deal with the consequences.
Around this time of year especially, your parents or other people might expect you to put on a good face and be happy. That’s not right. You should never have to pretend to be happy in the midst of a difficult situation. Again, you can’t make everyone happy, nor should you try. When you try to make everyone happy, you’ll likely make no one happy and yourself miserable.
Tip 2: Prepare for the Stress and Emotions
Holidays in a broken family can be stressful and emotionally exhausting. Don’t let it surprise you. Expect it. Plan for it. If you don’t, here’s the danger: you might emotionally burn out and do things that you’ll later regret in an attempt to fill your needs. To avoid that, prioritize taking care of yourself. That’s not selfish if it’s aimed at allowing you to love well, treat others with respect, and be virtuous.
Think ahead about the difficult emotions you might feel, perhaps even thinking back to last year if it’s comparable. Have one or two quick ways to calm yourself if you feel anxious, or to experience some joy if you feel down and depressed. For example, in the middle of parties that cause anxiety, don’t hesitate to step away for a breather. Whatever you do, allow yourself to feel your feelings. Work through them. Pay attention to them and learn from them. Ignoring them or stuffing them away only makes things worse. The only way to heal and grow is by moving through those negative and messy emotions.
Your body and your emotions are naturally intertwined. As such, care for your body in these simple ways to feel better physically and emotionally:
Sleep. Sleep at least 7-8 hours per night, according to sleep experts like Dr. Matthew Walker.
Water. Drink half your body weight in ounces (e.g. If you weigh 150 pounds, drink 75 ounces) per day, according to health experts like Shawn Stevenson. Typically, that results in drinking half to a whole gallon per day (roughly 1.75 to 3.75 liters).
Exercise. Move your body, whether through walking, running, biking, bodyweight exercises, or sports. The endorphin release will help you feel better.
Eat. Eat healthy, whole, unprocessed foods to feel your best. Fun facts according to trauma therapist Margaret Vasquez: Eating good quality dark chocolate stimulates the release of endorphins that make you feel better. Similarly, the carbonation in sparkling water stimulates serotonin release which makes you feel happier or better about yourself.
If you’re religious, don’t forget to pray during this time. Not only have experts found it calming, but God can give you strength during difficult times if you ask for help. He sees your pain and wants to be there for you. Know that he doesn’t want it to be this way either. Trust that he’s not finished with you or your family. While divorce or separation is devastating, God can bring good even out of evil. Perhaps you’ll never see that in your family, but you can see it in your own life.
Healthy distractions aren’t bad. If you’re constantly in situations or with people that drain you, you must have ways to revive yourself. For me, quick ways look like:
Listening to music or audiobooks
Playing sports or board games with friends or my family
Watching good movies
Having good conversations with my friends
Walking outside for fresh air
Watching a sunset
Cooking meals, especially for family or friends
While it’s good to have alone time, it can be taken to an unhealthy extreme. Make sure you’re not isolating yourself. If you’ve spent the majority of the holidays on your own, without meaningful conversations with friends in person, on the phone, or even through messaging, you’re likely isolating yourself. If you feel lonely, that’s a sign that you’re isolated. Instead of waiting for someone to rescue you, take action. Invite a friend over or plan to meet up. Whatever the circumstances, decide to keep your calm. In tense moments, remember to take a breath, pause to think, and detach from the intensity of the emotions before you act. By doing that, you’ll make better decisions about what to do next and save yourself from regret.
Stay tuned for the next part of our holiday series!
Holidays in a divorced or broken family can be stressful and exhausting. But there’s a better way.
Our guide, 5 Tips to Navigate the Holidays in a Broken Family, helps you:
Avoid people-pleasing and burnout
Manage stress and difficult emotions
Plan time with parents thoughtfully
Set clear, protective boundaries
Make the holidays less stressful and more enjoyable.
