Longing For Happy Family Memories
5 minute read.
This story was written by Elizabeth Dorwart at 42 years old. She gave permission for her story to be shared.
HER STORY
My mom hung in there until the end — she’s a saint. But emotionally they were divorced. My dad struggled with depression and couldn’t keep a job starting when I was in 8th grade. He was from a very broken home — his mom abandoned them and his dad was an alcoholic. When I was 18 he had a suicide near-attempt, but didn’t do it at the last minute. I was told to get a job at age 15 because I had to go to college, but there was no money for college. My sister got a sports scholarship. I very much decided to become a physician because I knew I wanted to help people, but I really wanted to make a good living because I was scared that my future husband would commit suicide like my dad almost did. I wanted to be able to provide for my whole family. Luckily at age 26, I met and married a wonderful guy before my parents got worse. I know I would have been too afraid to get married.
My parents always argued about money and my dad continued to drink and struggle with finances through my 20s and 30s. He would open secret credit cards and try to start businesses, only to have them fail. He got involved in multi-level marketing schemes and didn’t pay taxes for 7 years. That led to a 75k lien against my parent’s house and we had to help my mom untangle that mess. I was blessed to find Dave Ramsey and I followed everything he said, except taking out loans for med school of course —I had to do that. But I put off having kids because med school was hard and I was always bailing out my parents financially. I hoped I could stabilize them and then start my family, but nothing worked to rein in my dad’s behavior. He kept getting fired from simpler and simpler jobs and we wondered if he had some cognitive problems. I was afraid to get him diagnosed, worried he would become mentally unstable or hurt himself. But finally in 2018, after he crashed two cars in a week and couldn’t explain what happened, we got a full medical evaluation and found out he has cognitive impairment — likely related to playing football. He stopped working and stopped driving. Things were finally stable; my mom was working extra jobs and we helped them fix some things around their house so they could rent out a room to save for retirement. But in 2021 my mom was diagnosed with cancer and passed away in 2022. My husband and I became caregivers. It’s been such a long road of heartache and I’ve longed for happy family memories. We had a few along the way, but there’s been a lot of trauma and drama.
HOW THE DIVORCE MADE HER FEEL
So sad, so torn, wanting to help my parents but not knowing how to. So sad for my mom and my dad. Angry at my dad before we realized it was probably a medical issue. Sadly, I’m fairly cynical about family life and I wish I wasn’t.
HOW THE DIVORCE IMPACTED HER
I’ve been terrified to have kids. I struggle when I make a mistake. I have a hard time relaxing and I work a lot. I have a lot of issues with money and I struggle to see God as the provider. I have a lot of regret about not having kids, but I’m proud we finally stabilized my parents. It took so much from me, but I’m much closer to my God because of all the trauma.
ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS JUST SEPARATED OR DIVORCED
Know that it isn’t your fault and this isn’t how God designed things to be. Families can be restored. But having trauma is a human response and God will see you through it. Lean on Him and know He loves you and your whole family so much.
Are you interested in sharing your story with Restored? If so, click the button above. Sharing your story can help you begin healing.
Be assured: Your privacy is very important to us. Your name and story will never be shared unless you give explicit permission.
