The Bottom of My World Dropped Beneath Me
2 minute read.
This story was written by Anonymous at 48 years old. Her parents divorced when she was 16. She gave permission for her story to be shared.
HER STORY
My mom had an affair and left us for her boyfriend, now husband. It was messy, we didn't see it coming. She moved out on Thanksgiving weekend. I came home from school and she was just gone. I still remember what it felt like to discover she had left. My dad was devastated, so he wasn't available to help guide me during this time. I was alone to figure it out. What hurt more was the fact that this happens all the time, so it's no big deal. But it was a huge deal to me. It felt like the bottom of my world had dropped out from under me; no support, just freefalling. I didn't feel like anyone saw me or heard me, they just expected me to be fine with everything. And I wanted to be, because I wanted them to love me.
HOW THE DIVORCE MADE HER FEEL
Alone. Like the bottom of my world fell out from beneath me. I felt invisible. Discarded. Needed by my parents, but not able to have any needs of my own. Any of my needs were deemed as selfish. I still struggle today with needing anything from people.
HOW THE DIVORCE IMPACTED HER
It made me seek attention from unavailable people. I drank and was promiscuous. I was reckless in many situations. I feared that you wouldn't like me if you really got to know me. Like there was something so bad about me that it would drive away anyone of value. I fought with low self-esteem, underemployment, fear of intimacy, and anxiety.
ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS JUST SEPARATED OR DIVORCED
It's not your fault. Your parents’ inability to see you or acknowledge your feelings right now is a reflection on them and not on you. You are loveable, they are just incapable of loving anyone right now.
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