#141: Good Can Come from Broken Situations | Dylan
At age 5, Dylan’s parents divorced. Visitation brought challenges, but he learned to appreciate the time it gave him with his dad, who really helped him grow. From that, he learned that good can come from broken situations.
In today’s episodes, we also discuss topics like:
How we need father figures, ideally our dads, in order to become men, find our strength, and learn what to do with it
The challenges and blessing of a stepfamily
How your value isn’t measured by your performance or exterior qualities
If you’re from a blended family, you’ve questioned your value, you’ve felt unwanted, or you’re missing a father figure in your life, this episode is for you.
Visit Dylan’s website, RadicalLoveCommunity.com
Follow Dylan on Instagram, YouTube, or Facebook
Buy the Book: God's Little Kiddo
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TRANSCRIPT
Transcript produced by artificial intelligence. Please pardon any errors!
Dylan: [00:00:00] I remember my dad leaving the house. That was a vivid memory. The memories that most children probably have at that point of get the bag together, put all of your things together and go out the door and take a drive and then come back home the next day.
Joey: Going through that whole visitation thing. Was there anything that was helpful for you to know, or ~you to hear~ any advice that you would give to someone like that?
Who's maybe just struggling through that whole bouncing from mom's house to dad's house, back and
Dylan: forth. And I had a real fear that. Even if I want to be married, I won't be married one day. Like, just thinking that there is, like, something wrong with me. I've learned that each person has been, like, intentionally designed to be a gift in a unique way.
And it's taken a lot of healing to be able to see myself as someone who could be a gift to someone else.
Joey: Welcome to The Restored Podcast. I'm Joey Panarelli. If you come from a divorced or broken family, this show is for you. We help you heal your brokenness, navigate the challenges, and build healthy relationships so you can break that cycle and build a better life.
My guest today is Dylan. He's a native of Des [00:01:00] Moines, Iowa, product of a blended family, and has always been driven by a profound question. How does Jesus address the human heart? That question fuels his creative passion as a writer and founder of Radical Love, a dynamic brand he established in high school, actually.
Radical Love's innovative products, including clothing, fragrances, and books designed and written by Dylan, have garnered international support from celebrities, professional athletes, clergy, and renowned artists. At its core, Radical Love seeks to ignite Eucharistic amazement. And Dylan's book, God's Little Kiddos, celebrates the sacredness of human life, and is shared in homes throughout the United States.
I'm really excited for you guys to get to know Dylan. At age 5, Dylan's parents divorced, and as you can imagine, visitation brought a lot of challenges, but he learned to appreciate the time it gave him with his dad, who really helped him grow as a man. And from that, he learned an important lesson, and that good can come from broken situations.
And so in today's episode, we discussed topics like how we need our fathers, uh, in order to grow as men. And if we don't have our [00:02:00] fathers, we at least need a father figures in order to find our strength as men and learn what to do with it. We talk about the challenges and blessings of a step family, how your value isn't measured by external factors or by your performance or by external qualities.
Uh, he shares his desire to learn how to build a really healthy relationship and one day a beautiful future marriage. And we both share how, We've struggled believing that people really want us for us. And so if you come from a blended family, maybe you've questioned your value. Maybe you've felt unwanted, or you've missed out on having a father figure in your life.
This episode is for you. By the way, we do talk about God and faith in this episode. If you don't believe in God, you're totally welcome here. Anyone who's been listening to the show for a while knows that this is not a strictly religious podcast. And so wherever you're at, I'm glad you're here. If you don't believe in God, my challenge for you is this, just listen with an open mind, even if you're to skip or take out the God parts, you're still going to benefit a lot from.
this episode. And with that, here's our conversation. Dylan, so good to have you on the show. Thanks for being here.
Dylan: Thanks for having me.
Joey: I remember when we met in Florida at Ave [00:03:00] Maria. I was really impressed with you. Just, yeah, there's so much about you to be impressed by, but, um, we, I know we talked business and different things like that.
So I'm excited to hear more of like this side of your story. I know a little bit of it, but if you would take us back in time a little bit, what was, I know you were young, but what was life like from what you've been told or what you remember in the years and months before your parents split?
Dylan: My parents split when I was five, so I don't have a lot of memories that are vivid that I think back to at that time, but I do just remember a lot of time at home together.
I knew my dad was really a hard worker and he would come in late at night. At one point he was working at Firestone with tires, so sometimes he'd be covered with like marks from the tires or he would get his hands dirty for the kids, I'd say, for us at home. So I just remember. him in that way, at least at that time of his work and the time he spent in that.
And then my times at home are just really warm memories. I remember I live in the [00:04:00] Midwest, so it gets really cold. So I remember just nights by the fireplace playing Lincoln logs with my older brother or just times with us as a family. And I had grandparents close by too. So I was really blessed with some, some warm memories as a toddler in that time.
And I remember my dad leaving the house, that was a vivid memory. I still have of kind of coming to consciousness at that point of what was happening around me. And I have memories of then after he was out of the home, how. I would go my time to go see him. I remember just the memories that most children probably have at that point of get the bag together, put all of your things together and go out the door and take a drive and then come back home the next day.
And so those are kind of my memories of the early stages of my life.
Joey: No, that makes so much sense. That sounds like you had a. You know, good memories of like early childhood and then the divorce obviously brought some challenges and one of them is the whole visitation thing. We don't talk about that a ton on the [00:05:00] show, um, like the reality of visitation because it can be so tricky for kids.
I remember going through it myself and then when I was over 18 and my younger siblings were going through it, that brought like a new dimension to it. Um, yeah, I'm just curious like maybe to anyone listening right now who's going through that whole visitation thing. Was there anything that was helpful for you to know or you to hear any advice that you would give to.
someone like that who's maybe just struggling through that whole bouncing from mom's house to dad's house back and forth.
Dylan: For me, I was living primarily at my mom's house and it brought me comfort that I could come back. And sometimes I wouldn't know, I wouldn't like know what I wanted as a child. And I think sometimes that's the conflict is you have is you want to be with dad, you want to be with mom.
And so to make that decision, even if like where you lay your head and where you sleep can be really, really challenging, I think for, for children in that position. And I. I would do my best. At the time, I remember just once I walked in the door at my dad's place and said my hello and dropped my bag. I felt [00:06:00] a little bit like, well, now I need to stay rather than having to turn the car around after I was just dropped off and then go back to the other house.
So I think that's a challenging point. But then at some point I kind of gave myself the permission or my dad was really tender with me and telling me It's okay, like you can go, you can go to your, your mom's house. You don't have to leave, you know, and I can take you back home if you need, and you can come back another time.
So I think just that I had. A little bit of the space and the permission from my parents to decide that because I think as at least for me as a young child, I didn't, I wasn't really capable of making that decision of where I wanted to sleep. I would want to spend time with my dad and I didn't realize, well, if I go back home tonight, that might mean that I don't get to go back for another few days or until the weekend or something.
So I think I wasn't really fully comprehending that decision, but it was really helpful to have the permission to say, I want to go home at [00:07:00] points.
Joey: That's helpful. And I think that's such a great tip to parents listening. It sounds like your dad and your mom too, were very respectful of like your wishes, your wants.
Sometimes what we've seen as parents, because they're hurting so much, they can. Almost like feel like they have a right to their child being with them. And it can turn into like a very intense experience for the child, even though maybe mom and dad don't intend that by any means, it can just be like, well, now it's my time with you and you need to be happy here.
And, um, it's like kind of an impossible situation to be in, because like you said, you're kind of in one way or another, you're forced to choose between mom and dad. And you should never really have to do that. It's like they're both your parents and you should be able to love both of them, not say like, no, I only want to live here, only be here.
Now, sometimes there's realities that cause, you know, people that like need to live only with mom or need to live only with dad, like whether it's abuse or just really dysfunctional and broken situations. But yeah, it's, it's definitely a, like an impossible task to ask like a, you know, five, six, seven, eight year old, whatever age to be like, who do you want to live with?
It's like, it's not an easy thing. So that sounds like such a good [00:08:00] thing that you're. Mom and your dad were respectful. They gave you the space. They allowed you to kind of go where you needed to be. And, uh, did you feel the need to like become a different person? Feel free to comment on any of that as well.
But did you feel the need to like become a different person when you jumped between the two houses? Some people do, some people don't. Just curious what your experience was.
Dylan: I don't have that experience. I think it might've been due to me being so young was just, I was who I was and I didn't really. Um, have a lot of time where I thought I needed to put on a mask or change where I was.
And I know my memories of visiting my dad are really fond memories for me because he really nurtured creativity in me. And so. It might be us going to a craft store or us doing different things that I wouldn't necessarily do at the other house where he would just give me so much time to draw or we'd build things together or things like that.
So I think those early memories of visits with him, even just shortly after the divorce are really fond memories of me because he [00:09:00] would help me with my homework and spend time with me. Then just so I could get to the stuff I wanted to do, like throwing the football around or building things or drawing things.
And so I felt like I was able to be genuinely myself in both houses, but I think each parent kind of had their unique perspective on who I was as a child and what my gifts are. Even if they agreed on what my gifts were, they helped nurture those in different ways. So I have really fond memories of those visits with my dad and just those experiences together.
Joey: That's awesome. No, I think that's a good thing. I, um, we've heard a lot of like kind of broken stories about that, but it sounds like your parents were like very present to you, which I think is again, a great lesson to new parents listening right now to like implement some of these things in your family life, especially if there's visitation going on.
Um, but even for maybe any children listening, especially who maybe are a little bit older and in a spot to maybe communicate some needs to parents where you can say like, Hey, this is what I hope it can be like. So I think there's a lot of lessons in your story. You mentioned how old you were. I'm curious, how did you learn about the separation and divorce?
You [00:10:00] mentioned that your dad left one day. Was there any specific memory you have of like being told by your mom and your dad or one the other about that? And what was that like for you to learn that?
Dylan: I remember having an understanding before the separation actually happened logistically. I remember having an understanding.
The divorce and knowing what was happening, uh, whether it was my family explaining it to me, I was already in therapy at that point too. So I think it was just from, from my parents explaining to me what was happening. I knew what was happening. At least I knew what it would mean. I knew that. Dad would be living somewhere else.
I knew that he was no longer married to mom. And I knew I had an understanding of that.
Joey: That makes sense. And was there anything that mom or dad said to you that helped you kind of deal with that? It sounds like they were very proactive with like getting into therapy and everything like that. But curious if there was anything that you look back on like, yeah, that was actually really helpful that they did this or did that.
And that's okay. If not, I'm
Dylan: just curious. One thing that I do remember that really helped me and brought me at ease was that my dad wasn't leaving far. He actually, for [00:11:00] the first portion of it, was very near and accessible. So it brought me peace to know he's not leaving me. He's not leaving my brother. Or I knew that my mom and my dad were still communicating often, and we're still parenting both of us together in terms of, like, deciding how we were raised and making decisions together.
So I didn't, I didn't necessarily have to grieve a loss of a parent because I knew he was still there for me, just not necessarily under the same roof.
Joey: I hear you there. And that sounds like a good principle for parents listening as well. So a lot of good stuff. So I can make a guess here, but I want to hear what you have to say.
Would you describe the, You know, the marriage and the divorce is high conflict or low conflict. And just a reminder for everyone listening, high conflict would be a situation of abuse where there's a lot of visible dysfunction. There's maybe violence. Just think of, you know, really bad conflict. And just from the children's point of view, that's like all apparent, how broken and dysfunctional the family is.
Low conflict would be the opposite where the problems are more covert or not as obvious, [00:12:00] and there might be, you know, real problems behind the scenes, but to the children, things seem mostly stable and fine, um, until, you know, they've learned one day that, oh, well. Okay. Mom and dad aren't going to be married or living together.
So I'm just curious, low conflict, high conflicts, a mix of the two.
Dylan: It was low conflict. There was no violence or abuse involved. And I was not, I was five. So I didn't understand necessarily even really. Why it was that people might not stay in a marriage, but I didn't, I didn't see necessarily, I definitely didn't see any abuse or I wasn't there for any fights or anything of that nature.
And they were very communicative with each other throughout that part of our story. So. It was low conflict.
Joey: Okay. That makes sense. Thanks for sharing all that. And was there anything else that you wanted to share? Like that was happening during the separation and the divorce? Um, you've already gone into it quite a bit, but I'm just curious before we move on, if there was anything else at that part of the story.
Dylan: I just remember being In the house still with my older brother and my mom and it was the three [00:13:00] of us and I just remember just looking at them for my strength and my comfort with my dad as well. Of course, when I would be alone with him or with my brother and him. I looked at my mom and looked at my brother and felt in my heart that I was going to be okay and everything is going to be okay.
And I would feel the same when I would just look at my dad. And so I think there was a sense of, yes, this is a difficult thing that we didn't plan for or wouldn't have expected for us. But I had a sense that. This isn't the end
Joey: and that, yeah, there's still like a lot of good that can come from like your family relationships.
There's still a lot of love that can be, you know, shown experience, all that. I've definitely seen that in my family too. I know often on the show, we're talking about like the. the really difficult parts, the, the hurt, the pain that come from the family's falling apart. And that's certainly, there's certainly a lot there.
I don't mean to take away from that, diminish it at all. But I think, you know, there's a lot of, um, there's a lot [00:14:00] of things that can result in being like, just like how, you know, God can bring good out of evil. Like, I think there's like a lot of good that could come out of really messy situations. And I definitely seen that.
I think like me and my siblings, one, One thing has been me and my siblings have gotten a lot closer, I think, because of that experience. Absolutely. Yeah. And I know I even look at other families and that's, I guess, judgment by any mean, but even families that are like intact and relatively healthy, um, the siblings aren't as close.
So that's kind of interesting. And, um, you know, not, not to say that every broken family, the siblings were close and every intact families are not, not the case, but yeah, you, you get what I mean. So yeah, there, there's that. And then I think even, um, You know, there, I think that the whole term that like children are resilient sometimes is overused, especially when maybe it's being used to say that like the family breaking apart isn't a big deal at all when, or as we believe it is.
But I think there is, when you go through just any difficult, painful thing in life, um, especially if you had people loving you and supporting you and encouraging your resilience, you actually can become. pretty darn resilient. And there's a lot of virtue that can come from that later in life, whether it's in, you know, [00:15:00] school or health and fitness or, you know, in the, in your career, in the business world, things like that.
Um, so, so I think there is like, you know, like I said, there's a good that can come from like really broken, messy situations.
Dylan: Absolutely. I agree with that. And you mentioned how it gave an opportunity to grow close with siblings. I see that as well for both of my parents too. It's just, it's not a situation that you plan for or anticipate.
And projected ahead of you, but when it was our reality, it was difficult for every relationship. I know it was hard for my dad and for my mom. I know it was hard for my mom and my brother's relationship. So we're all experiencing the same thing, but we all have our own different experiences. Like my brother was.
Older than me, so we don't have the same experience or memories and the memories I have of my dad of that when our story I think has helped us grow closer as father and son and for my mom and myself as well. So, I think sometimes it's not necessarily okay to dismiss what happened or say that it wasn't a [00:16:00] huge event that will, I think it's an event that affects you for the rest of your rest of your life.
It might affect you at different points, but I think it wasn't all. It wasn't all dark. I think there was a lot that we took from it and gained from it.
Joey: Yeah. No. And I think that, that whole power of like transformation, like instead of saying crushed and down on the ground, like you can get up and you can like push forward.
And even on a human level, but especially if you add like, I know not everyone listening believes in God, but if you add like that kind of supernatural strength and grace to it, then there's a lot that can happen that maybe it wouldn't be humanly possible, but there's so much good there. And I, one thing I wanted to say is that, uh, There was a study they did in Turkey.
I've quoted this on the podcast before, but they looked at high school students who came from divorced families and they found that as you'd expect, those students were more likely to struggle with things like anxiety, depression, and loneliness. But if they had a good relationship, if those students had a good relationship with one or both parents, they were actually significantly less likely to struggle with anxiety, depression, or loneliness.
And so the lesson in that is like, you know, if you can have a health. the relationship with [00:17:00] like one or both parents, it's actually really good for you personally. And so I think your story really exemplifies that as well, because it seemed like you have a good relationship with your parents and had that even during those like really difficult trying times.
I'm sure there were bumps in the road, but um, I think there's like an important lesson in all that. So thank you for sharing so openly. I'm curious, kind of going beyond the separation, the divorce, like after it was done, did you at any point like realize like, Oh, you know, as much. Good that could have come out of this and how I got stronger in different ways.
Did it affect you negatively? And like, when did you, I guess, realize that, that it was affecting you negatively?
Dylan: I think I noticed it just growing up as a young boy without living under the same roof as my dad, most of the time was just that. After that separation too, I think it can be difficult for grandparents and extended family and for the family as a whole to make sense of how we're going to carry on, because if I'm not under the same roof as my dad, then maybe we're not talking about him as much, or maybe we're not giving that same [00:18:00] opportunity for me to learn about that side of my family, and I think I struggled at points to say, Hey, Like, what is my identity and what are the strengths of masculinity?
What does it mean to be a growing boy and what does it mean to be a man when I grow up to be a man one day? And I think that took a lot of intentional time and conversations with my dad that. I kind of saw the danger of that being taken away from me if I didn't go looking for it, because I think for a lot of young people, especially in my generation, if we grew up with not a lot of time with our dad in person, then here's the internet and here's all these people.
Trying to tell you what it means to be a man or how to be a man, or you go into the schools and most of the teachers are female, which is, which is wonderful. It's just unless we have great coaches or people were looking up to people. I think young boys will look for a father figure if they don't find that in their dad.
And so I definitely kind of saw that as just like a darkness that I didn't want to [00:19:00] be enveloped and I didn't want to be lost in. thinking that he wasn't there for me and he wasn't my dad just because he wasn't in my house.
Joey: Really good. What did you do with that then? How did that play out over the years?
Dylan: I think it can be tempting, especially if you're, for me, my visit to my dad was often on Sundays. So we go to church together, we come back and we watch football and we have a meal, but it can be tempted I can be tempted to leave it to that, to just, okay, let's come, let's sit on the couch, let's turn the TV on.
After the episode's over, I'll be headed to the door again, you know? And I think it really took a little bit of digging deep, some vulnerability, to be able to say, hey dad, I'm really struggling with this, what do I do? Like, hey dad, I like a girl, what do I do? Hey, hey dad, I, I'm having trouble in, in this sport, I feel like I'm not tough enough, what do I do?
Or even simple things just like homework. My dad would sit with me and help me study for tests. And I think things like that, maybe I could have, like I said, for people [00:20:00] of my generation, maybe I could have found someone online to show me how to shoot a jump shot. I wanted to ask my dad, you know, and I think taking that time to, I'm going to ask in person to my father rather than, well, since these days of the week, I'm not with him.
I'm going to just, I don't know, go on YouTube or go talk to so and so from the school.
Joey: It's easy to do that. Yeah. Especially now, like with AI and everything, it's like, you basically have all the, you know, a lot of the answers at your fingertips. So I admire you for kind of being that disciplined. And I agree.
I think there's something about, you know, masculinity that we learn from other men. We don't learn it from podcasts. We don't learn it from books. We. Really just have to be in the presence of like real men, like good men, men who, you know, have like masculinity to pass on. And so, um, so I think there's like a really powerful lesson in that, that we can't get it through like a screen.
And you make me think of too, how, you know, in a lot of like inner city situations, there's just so many broken families. There's so many homes that were just mom or just dad, or, you know, they don't [00:21:00] even know dad and just really difficult situation. And so many young people are fatherless and in those situations, especially in like.
very broken parts of our cities here in America and the rest of the world. It's really easy to fall into like, uh, gang activity, right? To, to join a gang. And it's really interesting that the, the gang leaders from what I've heard, never been in a gang, is, uh, they're like actually really, um, great leaders in some ways.
Like they understand that these boys especially kind of need that masculinity. They need that father figure. They need to belong, to be a part of something. Kind of like a family. It's like a pseudo family. And so they join like with that in mind. And these leaders, like these gang leaders, um, I've heard people talk about this.
They're so effective that they actually make these people like want to do these insane thing for them and even perhaps die for them. It's wild. And so I think it just shows, especially on a masculine level, like that drive that you had, that I've had, that all men I think have for like to have that father figure in your life.
And when that's void, man, yeah. We will search it out in [00:22:00] ways that can be really destructive and unhealthy. And on the flip side of that, not that everyone who is fatherless joins a gang, but on the flip side of that, I think so often we could actually take that yearning to women. And I've heard John Eldridge, um, the guy who wrote while that heart talks about this too, where instead of going to a woman to like offer our strength, we go to her to find it.
And that is just a recipe for disaster because she was never meant to like, make us masculine, to give us strength. Like we were meant to find that with other men and then offer it to the women in our lives. So yeah, I think you make so many good points and you just made me think of all that as well. Any thoughts?
Dylan: You made me think of it just when you were speaking about joining a gang. I also have never been in a gang, but you talked about that desire they had to die for a cause. And I think for a lot of us men, at least I can speak for myself. I feel that innate desire to give myself for something, for a purpose, for something higher to myself and find my identity in something more powerful than just me.
And [00:23:00] it really hit when you said either trying to find your strength in women rather than offer your strength to women. And I, I've never heard it described in that way, but I think that's a really, really powerful way to put it.
Joey: Yeah, when I read that from, I can't remember if it was John Eldred's book Wild at Heart or the sequel to it called The Fathered by God, but he mentioned that and that just like hit me between the eyes too, because I remember just experiencing that and a little bit in middle school, but definitely in high school and even a little bit in college.
I'd grown a lot more at that by that point, but yeah, just like, It's almost like you have this experience of just almost like wanting something from the woman that you're with, like if you're dating her, you have female friends that she can never even give to you. And I don't know, I haven't thought about this in a while, but it leads to like really, I think, unhealthy dynamics in a relationship.
And again, it could, I think the way it played out in my life was it kind of made me a little bit clingy and even finding like disappointment in some relationships where it was like I wanted more than was maybe even possible, if that makes sense, where again, like I was hoping for it to be kind of [00:24:00] this cure to a lot of the pain and kind of to fill the void of this.
Father's listeners that I had experienced to that, you know, maybe it was seeking in like a wrong way. So one of the antidotes for me, just to kind of close the story was actually finding men in my life who could step into that mentor, like father role. And that was super healing for me. Oh my gosh. Like there are multiple men, whether it was like.
Just a general mentor or even like a spiritual director on the spiritual side, or just, you know, people who were just in my life for like little periods of time who like taught me lessons or they affirmed me. They left me through all that. That was, that was super, super helpful and healing to have that.
And then even like growing in my relationship with my own dad has been, you know, helpful as well. I don't know if we'll ever be like super, super close or be able to have like all the deep conversations that maybe I once longed for. But um, but I'm really, um, we're in a better spot now and I'm definitely happy about that.
But um, yeah, I think that, you know, taking that to other men has been definitely part of the solution for me.
Dylan: That resonated. So deeply with me. When you bring up finding that strength with other men and then being able to offer it yourself. 100 [00:25:00] percent true. I think taking that effort to grow with my own dad has been really the most important step I've taken and then also you mentioned spiritual direction.
You mentioned time with other men and I actually I have a short story if, if you don't mind. I was, I think it was my sophomore year of college. I was on two sports teams at the time. I was in a household with other men, which at my university worked as a small group that you were meeting with to live together, to talk about God and the Bible together.
So it was really a tight knit group. And I was also talking a lot with my roommate. So I thought at the time, I thought, okay, I'm doing well, there's not anything big to be worried about. my childhood or thinking about coming from a blended family because my parents were remarried at that point it's just like divorce that was something from childhood put away but i met with a spiritual director and by the end i was weeping on his shoulder and when i walked in i [00:26:00] thought i was happy so i think that just showed me just like you i had thought of myself as a healed person and then realized there's so much healing still to do there's so much work that can be done in my heart to accept the love of God, to accept my worth and identity, not from finding it in someone else, but finding it in God and finding it and just being a person of value just for who I am and not in what I'm doing or not by relationship of someone else in my life was so incredibly healing.
And I was just so shocked that I wept that much, like on someone's shoulder, like, uh, Like a toddler when I walked in thinking I'm doing great, like my classes or whatever on the surface. I'm, I'm happy. I'm good. And so that was something that really woke me up to say as much as I might feel healed, that might just be a sign that I'm scared to go deeper.
Joey: Wow, so good and don't [00:27:00] feel pressured to share it at all But like you alluded to the fact that you kind of learned that your value didn't come from like your performance It didn't come from the things you did but just like inherently and who you are as a man as a human you have dignity of value you have worth but was there anything in particular that was said in that session in that spiritual direction session that really like Hit a nerve with you, if you want to share.
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Dylan: I am comfortable sharing this, but I do hope that it does, does resonate with someone because this is vulnerable for me. But I was, at this point in my life, I mentioned the sports at that point, I was not eating like I should be, I was spending so much time fasting, not for a spiritual reason, but for wanting to lose weight, and I would tell myself, I'm doing this to get ready for basketball season, and I was torturing myself essentially, and it was all a body image issue really, and thinking that, well, if I look [00:29:00] like this, then I'll be worth it, or if I, Business wise, if I make this much more than I'll be worth it and just trying to stack things on top of each other to make myself worth it and alter my personality or kind of wear a mask and just being so insecure at that point to try to like manufacture and put together worth and one thing he said to me was you are not a product and that just hit me to my core was I wasn't something That was waiting to be created and put together.
I was already created as, as I am, and I didn't need to make something of myself to be worth it.
Joey: Wow. So powerful. Just that whole fact of like, you're not a product. That's really good of like, you don't need to like add things to make yourself more valuable. Like, obviously, we always want to grow and improve and be better, you know, more virtuous, I should say.
But I love that fact that, like, you performing better on the court or being leaner or looking better, whatever, making more money is not the measure of your value as a person. So good. [00:30:00] Wow. I, the question that came to mind was, like, what was driving all that behavior, do you think? What were you afraid of?
Like, why did you put in all that effort to maybe look a certain way or perform a certain way? Like, what were you going after there? What'd you want?
Dylan: I really wanted to have a sense of, a sense of identity that I was strong and I was wanted and I was loved. And I was really comfortable telling other people that, especially in the church, telling other people.
Like, uh, this book, for example, it was like a children's book, telling People, how much God loved them and how they were made uniquely delightful from the beginning of time, from an all powerful creator. But I really didn't believe that for myself. And so I think it took a lot of, took a lot of healing and it took a lot of time and prayer and laying my burdens down to accept that God really loved me and that my family really loved me and that my friends loved me for me, and not because of any like surface level.
Um, not from an [00:31:00] external thing, I learned that it wasn't the externals that made me valuable and it, it wasn't actually the love of friends or it wasn't attention from anyone that changed or altered my value and, and the slightest, whether to make it higher or lower, it was just simply my value didn't change.
I was, I was chosen by Jesus. And then I was also supported by family and friends. And then I started to grow confidence in myself to realize if I really become who I am made to be, then I won't have to worry about gaining affection or earning love because it was love that caused me into being like it was God himself who caused me into being it was already decided what I was worth.
And that's not changed by my mistakes and failures. And it's not changed by my. Successes.
Joey: So good. Wow. Thank you. You're so articulate and I definitely appreciate hearing that too. I am, I definitely have struggled, you know, in some ways. And so that's really, really good. [00:32:00] I appreciate that. I am going back to your story.
I'm just curious over the years, you've already shared so much, but if there's anything you'd add in the, in terms of just different ways you saw yourself struggle, whether it was like directly or indirectly related to the, you know, the breakdown of the family. But yeah, I'm curious if there were like, Problems in your emotions, um, if there were maybe bad habits that you had fallen to, or maybe a relationship circle.
So like emotions, you know, habits and relationships, how did, how were those affected? Could you see from what you went through when you were younger?
Dylan: Uh, and thinking about childhood, both my parents remarried. So then I gained three step siblings from my stepfather. And at one point we were all living in the same house.
And so that presented its unique set of challenges with learning how to communicate with these people, some of them a little older than me, some of them near my age, and just navigating what it's like to gain new people in the house and gain, gain a stepfather in the house. And I think a lot of children who come from blended family might be able to relate to that of [00:33:00] trying to build a relationship with the new people that are, have been introduced to you and what that looks like.
Especially if like, it's not your biological father, but it's a man who's moving in or it's not your biological mother, but it's a new stepmother moving in with your dad. I think that can be, it's been a really beautiful thing in my life, but it's definitely taken similar to what I said of bringing things to my dad to be able to grow in relationship to him.
I think it's taken the same with my stepfather or stepmother to say, I'm just going to go to your house right now or I'm going to come meet you and let's just talk and spend time together because we're in each other's lives now. Like, you know, there's the blessing that comes from a marriage, but that's a forever commitment and we're family now.
And regardless of what disagreements or differences we may have, I really wanted. a loving relationship with every new person who is coming into my, to my home of my dad or my mom.
Joey: I love that desire you had. And yeah, no, I personally have limited experience with the step [00:34:00] family, blended family situation.
So it's helpful for you to talk into that. Was there anything that was like helpful for you aside from what you said, or in addition to what you said that maybe it would help someone who's maybe struggling with step siblings or step parents? Yeah. Any, any lessons or advice that you would pass on that were helpful for you?
Dylan: I'm an expert by no means. I'm just a kid working on figuring it out. But I mean, some things, for example, that have helped me have just been showing up when I know that it's important, when I know that maybe it's not the top thing on my list to go to this graduation or go to this dinner or go to this games night or something.
But then I realized that selfishly important for me and In a selfless way important for me, because just like you said, it's a great benefit to you as a child if you have the opportunity to cultivate that relationship with your parents, which everyone's situation is different. And that might be more easily possible for some of us.
And I just found that. If it was [00:35:00] taking that time to bring a difficult question that I had to my stepfather to my stepmother or to go like to travel to like celebration somewhere, go meet for a meal with my step siblings, or just kind of taking that time, I realized was going to be benefit to all of us because we are all part of each other's story at this point, and we are going to continue to be in each other's life.
So I just wanted to at least have. An open door to communicate was my like lowest goal. And then my highest goal was like, let's be best buds. But it's, it's tricky, but I think I haven't given up. And then I also recognize that life is unpredictable and we don't know what might happen next year or in the next coming years, but we do have the present moment.
So anything I can do to. Maybe it's apologize for some of the ways I've hurt them in the past or say like any way I can increase the piece even a [00:36:00] small degree or just to kind of bring us closer I think can be really valuable today because I think some of those, some of those small sacrifices that we make for other people might have big consequences in the future and big rewards in the future, not to say to do it for the sake of rewards, but It helps to be kind and it helps to apologize when that's needed.
And for me, I've recognized that even though we might not be related by blood, the things that I do and the way I live my life will affect them and the way they live their lives affect me. Because regardless of even like when I am living out of state, the things I do affect my mom, the things I do affect my dad.
They think about me whether they want to or not, and for my brother as well, just we're all together and we're all part of each other's story, and I think that's helped me recognize that I'll try to reach out. I'll try to show up and sometimes I won't show up, but I'll at least be cognizant that what I do does affect my step parents.
It does affect my step siblings, [00:37:00] and if I have the hope to have healthy relationships with them. It does take work to have these healthy relationships, even when our family is intact and all together in the home.
Joey: 100%. Yeah. Even again, in like healthy, intact families, like this stuff takes work. So that's, no, those are really good lessons.
I love if I'm hearing you right, you're Saying that gotta put in the time, prioritize it, show up, even if you don't feel like it. That's kind of underneath what you said. I kind of heard that. Not to say that you have like a disdain or don't want to be there, but it's easy in life to just like put other things ahead of relationships.
I've definitely seen that myself. Um, but then also, yeah, like trying to You know, cultivate that closeness if the other person's willing, we can't force anyone to do that. And then what I heard you two say is like, basically like try to build each other up and kind of live your life in a way that would maybe like make them proud or bring, you know, good things into their life.
Cause like you said, I think the way I've heard it said too is, yeah, even if we're like removed from our families, who we become is kind of formed by like what we think about and how we act. And [00:38:00] so we're going to affect them by the way that we think, the way that we act, even if we're not with them in the moment, because eventually, you know, we're going to be interacting with them and that will definitely have an effect on them if that's clear.
But yeah, it's definitely a lot of good lessons and what you said. So I appreciate you sharing all that. I was curious if, yeah, anything else to add in terms of the emotions, the habits or relationships before we move on.
Dylan: I think that was really a big, like, childhood thing of, like, when there's new people coming into the home.
I know, at least for myself, this is how I was as a child. I was very, like, resistant to new people coming in, and I, I would put unnecessary obstacles ahead of them. And, you know, whether it be, like, gossip about them or, like, just say, like, almost just, like, cover them with like lies or just think about them without actually having the conversations face to face to build the relationship.
So I've kind of recognized that since marriage is lifelong and family is, is lifelong, I don't think it's too late to try to, whether it be to repair or to forgive or to apologize. And sometimes I [00:39:00] still find myself apologizing at times to my, uh, step parents and saying like, this story came to mind. Did I really do that to you?
Okay. Maybe I'll do the dishes tonight or something like that. It's like, um, yeah, it's definitely not a, not a perfect or smooth story at times, but. Yeah, I found everyone appreciates if you can make small active, small active kindness, that's kind of just been one of my ways of trying to keep those relationships going in a way that I want them to.
And for me, I think later in life, then it became more of a challenge when I was starting to think, well, do I want to be married 1 day? And what does that mean for me? And what married couples am I looking up to? When my own story from my biological parents, I don't see that marriage that I want for myself.
So I kind of started to think more deeply about what is making their, their marriages healthy now with both of their spouses. And then whether it be like my grandparents set a wonderful examples for me, or just. [00:40:00] Starting to think and I had a real fear that even if I want to be married, I won't be married one day, like just thinking that there was like something wrong with me, even that I couldn't see for myself.
Like, oh, there's something other people can see that I can't and almost just overthinking marriage, which I don't know if that was Due to how my story went, or that was just a real fear that I experienced, but that's been something as a young adult where I was just thinking, it's absolutely impossible for that ever to very quick, even if I want to, it's not going to happen, like, so I don't know exactly where that fear came from, but that was a real.
It's a real struggle.
Joey: Yeah. No, I can relate. I felt that really strongly in high school It kind of hit me in the face then of I remember I'd started liking this like awesome girl And she was just like the type of girl I could see myself marrying one day But I was just terrified man that you know My relationship with her was one day gonna and the same way the same way my parents marriage had and so I definitely had to start Like facing that of like am I even capable of this because I felt incapable I felt kind of incompetent at [00:41:00] love and relationships and, you know, definitely fell into some unhealthy relationships, friendships, things like that.
And when I started dating, I was like, I really don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to build like a healthy relationship or I don't know how to, you know, pursue a woman properly. Cause I never really saw that growing up. And, um, I can relate so much. I think so many people like us have that fear of like, like, I don't think marriage actually lasts.
And if it does, then. That wouldn't last for me, and I definitely feel your pain there. I'm curious, feel free to say anything else you want about that, but I'm curious, like, what did you learn from those, like, healthy examples in your life about, like, what it does take to build a healthy marriage? Were there any lessons that kind of stick to the top of your mind of, like, yeah, like, you really need to do this or do that, or this is, like, a good reminder principle?
Dylan: That's something I'm currently watching and just like paying attention to, or even just, yeah, that's just something I'm looking at for the future of just, or even just looking around me and saying, how are these people happy? Because I, I started to wonder too, was it really even about happiness? [00:42:00] Like they seem happy, but it also doesn't look like they're making decisions based on happiness.
And so that's just been something that I've been thinking more about and especially like just in paying attention to my, my family or the people I'm close to. I just, in my experience, what I've seen is Sometimes they have like personality differences that it's on the surface. It's like, how is that, how is that working out so well, but they definitely.
And the marriages that I've seen that I look up to, they, they sacrifice for each other, they pursue each other and their unique ways of like uplifting each other and affirming each other's worth and their ideas. And it's really, I've, I've seen like beautiful ones where they're just like collaborating in life pretty much of just.
Growing together. And so that's, that's something I really admire in seeing that around me.
Joey: I love that. I love that whole like fact of like, they're working as a team. They're kind of going beyond their sacrificing, beyond maybe their comfort level or their sacrificing in order to like help the team win, so to speak.
Like, it's [00:43:00] not about individual personalities and not about like an individual person winning. It's about like the marriage or the family winning, which I love. I love seeing that in marriages as well. And it sounds like to like you mentioned pursuing each other and like the way that maybe makes the other person feel loved.
That's a principle I've noticed in really healthy marriages too. It's like each spouse loves. The other spouse and the way that they want to be loved in the way that they feel loved. And especially using like the love languages and things like that. It seems to be like a principle. It's true throughout really beautiful, healthy marriages.
And so, yeah, there's so many other lessons, but I love the ones that you mentioned. And I, for whatever it's worth, I don't mean to preach at you by any means, but just to affirm you like, dude, you're totally capable of it. You're totally capable to. Build a really healthy, beautiful marriage and family.
You're totally capable of even, yeah, just being the father that, um, you want to be and building again, the family for your own future children that you desire, like truly. And I know, I know you outside of this podcast, so I'm not just like making this up, but yeah, I'd say the same to [00:44:00] anyone listening to it's like, we're capable of that.
Like, it's not beyond reach. We feel like it might be at times, but the virtues that are needed to make that a reality are within reach. Like, we can't do it all on our own strength. We need other people in our life to help us get there, but it's possible. It's not something, like, so impossible we can't achieve.
And if you think of just anything in your life, not just talking to you, but everyone listening, where maybe you thought you couldn't achieve this, or you thought you couldn't achieve that, and then you did. And then you look back and be like, wow, okay, like, I really thought that was out of reach, but I stretched myself.
And again, with the help of other people, maybe with God's grace, I was able to do that. Marriage is the same thing. And I know people like us, like we feel really intimidated by it. We fear it. We don't, maybe we want it yet. We don't want it. And it can be this really like confusing, difficult thing, but like, really, I'm here to tell you guys, like you can do it.
Like, especially if someone like me can be married, I've almost been married seven years now and it hasn't been perfect. It's been a lot of challenges for me, but, but it's been really good. It's been really beautiful. It's like definitely made me a better man. If I can do it, like you guys certainly can do it.
So for whatever that's worth, I just want to give you a little bit of encouragement there and I appreciate you sharing so [00:45:00] much and I applaud your just desire to kind of pay attention to the lessons that you can learn, the principles you can learn from the marriages around you. That was super helpful and healing for me too.
Dylan: Thank you so much. Yeah. Those words are. really healing for me. And that really means a lot. And I'm sure it does for maybe someone else who's going through similar struggles of fear of marriage or fear that they are incapable of what they want for their life is that they can do it. So I think like that's really powerful.
Thanks for speaking that into me.
Joey: If you come from a divorced or broken family, or maybe you know someone who does, we offer more resources than just this podcast. Those resources include things like a book, free video courses, speaking engagements, a free assessment, online community, and much more. All of our resources are designed to help you heal from the trauma that you've endured and build virtue, so you can break that cycle and build a better life.
And so, if you want to view those resources for yourself or someone that you know, Just go to restoredministry. com slash resources or click on the link in the show notes. Yeah, absolutely bro. I'm happy to. And we've [00:46:00] covered so much ground. Maybe we'll kind of close it there. I guess I, I guess the one question though, before we get to the end is like around healing and growth, you mentioned some things that have been helpful or healing for you.
I'm just curious if there were any other like tactics or anything that you found really helpful in your journey to like help you heal and becoming like the better, stronger, more virtuous you.
Dylan: One thing I was thinking of, this just brings me back to the point when we were talking about navigating romantic relationships as an adult child of divorce, and you're talking about maybe insecurity at first, or wondering how to pursue a woman in a romantic interest.
And I remember being so terrified of even the word date. Like, I remember just being terrified of just the concept of pursuing that one, pursuing someone like that. And what really healed for me is almost like a rehabilitation of that word, almost of just that's time spent getting to know someone else's world or a time where you get to just enjoy each other's company.[00:47:00]
And so I think something that's been really healing for me is just outside of the romantic context is just like a date with my stepmother or like. Date with my like just those times when we were just like, oh, let's let's go get coffee in the morning or you're going to get groceries. Let me go spend that time with you.
And I think it's or in friendship as like becoming a young adult and spending those times with friends. I've learned that each person has been like, intentionally designed to be a gift in a unique way, and it's taken a lot of healing to be able to see myself as someone who could be a gift to someone else, and to see other people as a gift.
A gift, and I think that's been just healing for me, even just like viewing the word date differently is like, you're someone worth spending time with. I'm glad that I'm able to have this conversation with you. And even if we don't like, like, in a situation of coming from you. Divorce or separation or those circumstances.
I think [00:48:00] there's so much left to the story. That's not the end of the story. And we don't really know what people, we don't know what gifts are going to come in. I would have never met my stepdad or never met my stepmom. Most likely, you know, and yeah, so that's just something I think about sometimes.
Joey: I love that I love that that there's like so much left in the story that we haven't like gotten to yet that we haven't seen I think that's really powerful and I like like that kind of redefinition of a date too because I agree I think I don't know exactly why but it almost makes me think that our experience of like Marriage and romance from our parents can often feel like really broken and heavy.
And so we almost like tend to project that on our future relationships and even something as simple as going on a date, that we almost like think that like, oh my gosh, this like little thing of like asking a girl out or going on a date can be like this big heavy thing when it's really supposed to be this really like really Beautiful thing.
This thing that, yeah, maybe there's nerves involved. Of course, that's something that's natural, but I would hope, you know, that that's not a bad thing because it shows it like, wow, I [00:49:00] think something of this person, like, I think they're special. And I, I like think highly of them. I want to kind of live up to, you know, what I think of them, whatever.
Um, but yeah, I've maybe I've seen that in my life too, where like romantic relationships can just feel like really heavy. Can really feel really big, maybe partly because of what we experienced growing up. So I think that's like a cool lesson. I love that thing you said about like feeling, knowing that you're a gift too.
I remember, um, in college, like sharing with a friend of mine, I was telling her, I'm like, you know what, if I'm just honest, I was vulnerable with her. I'm like, I honestly feel like a gift that's like not worth giving, or at least like not worth keeping, like I can do kind of like the surface level, the flashy, the like kind of keep someone interested for a little bit, but, um, I'm afraid that like once they get beneath the wrapping paper, they're not going to really like what they see.
And, uh, and then they'll want to leave. And, and I definitely feared that, like, abandonment. I feared, like, someone walking away, kind of like I saw in my parents marriage. And so, um, so yeah, I was definitely like, again, going back to what I said before, like having men in my life and just friends, like guys and girls who just loved me, even with the imperfections, that was like super healing and showed me, proved to me, [00:50:00] like, no, you're worth loving.
You are a gift. You have a lot to offer, not just from what you can do, but just like in your presence as a human. Like, just being in people's lives and the goodness you can bring into their lives through the way you love them and build them up, um, you can certainly be a gift. And, and now, you know, thank God I'm at a point where, like, I do feel that.
You know, it took me a while, like, it was just something in my head that I kind of repeated, but then again, through the friendships and the love that I experienced, now it's like something I definitely, like, feel. like deep in my bones, like at my core. And I really want that for everyone listening as well.
So yeah, I love the fact that you, you brought that up and I think it is possible to, you know, for anyone listening who maybe isn't in that spot where you like really believe at a deep level that you're a gift, like I'm here to tell you you are, and you have so much to offer more than you can even imagine.
So I thank you for bringing that up. It's such a good point.
Dylan: Yes. For the listener, you, you are a gift. And like we were talking about earlier of trying to manufacture worth or put things together to. Appear like a gift worth giving or a gift worth keeping. It's actually. useless because you were a gift before you tried to do any of [00:51:00] those things, a gift now.
And I think that's, yeah, likewise, that's what I hope for, for all of the listeners to feel in your bones, like you said, that your gift worth giving and keeping.
Joey: I love that, man. That's a great note to end on. There's so much more we could say, and it'd be awesome to have you back another time. I wanted to ask if you would tell us a little bit about your business, um, you had mentioned your book kind of in passing and I have to say like Dylan gave me a copy of his book for my daughter and uh, Lucy is three years old at this time.
I think she was like two at that time or something. And so I've read it to her multiple times. It's on her shelf and it's just, it's a really amazing, beautiful book. And I really enjoyed it. So thank you for that gift. And I'd love to, for you to tell everyone, especially maybe people listening who have young people in their life, like kids or maybe they're a new mom or a new dad or, you know, Yeah.
Anyone with kids in their life. I think your book is like a great gift and a great, just a great story. A great, great content that kind of shows a lot of what we're talking about. Like you have inherent value. You're, you're worth dying for. Like you are a gift. So tell us a little bit about your business, how people can get the book, how they can [00:52:00] find you online.
Dylan: Yes. Thanks for mentioning that. I'm glad that you have the book for, for Lucy. I started this in high school. I think a lot of this could stem back to my story, and a lot of my childhood was spent being pretty quiet, and so I would be often the one in the classroom drawing pictures and writing, and so that's what this, actually, the book came from, was I was in class, and I drew this and wrote this, and this is kind of directly from the notebook without any Eraser or anything, this is just one of those days in the classroom that came to life when I learned how to do graphic design, but I learned how to do graphic design.
Then I, I grew up playing basketball. So I was like, alright, now I'm making shoes. Now I'm making shorts for basketball players to wear. Now that now that I'm drawing on a computer. Now, I want to do this, like, as much time as I can. So I started a business called. Radical Love is the name and you can find it on RadicalLoveCommunity.
com and I'm just really passionate about sharing stories like this book [00:53:00] or I draw and create clothes for, for babies, for young people, for athletes. I have a lot of priests that wear the brand, a lot of professional athletes or people from so many different diverse communities. So I really. I'm just passionate about sharing this, sharing this story about how all of our stories is the story of being radically loved into existence.
So, so worth it that God became human and died for us. And so worth it that we're invited to spend forever in paradise. And that's just my passion with radical love.
Joey: I love it, man. So good. We'll make sure to throw the links in the show notes and remind me the full name of your book, just so everyone can hear it.
Dylan: My book is called God's Little Kiddo.
Joey: Love it. And can they get it on Amazon or do they buy it through your website?
Dylan: They can do it either way. Amazon, my website. I'm working on getting it in more libraries and more schools across the U. S., but it's always available for quick shipping on Amazon. It's probably the easiest way.
Joey: Cool. Love it, man. Just in your spare time when you're not in college and playing [00:54:00] multiple sports and doing all the things. So you're such an impressive dude. I, uh, it's really good to talk with you. A couple of final questions before we close out. If your parents were listening right now, what would you want them to know?
What would you say to them?
Dylan: I think there's just so much that I didn't see. So many conversations, so many sacrifices that I didn't see that they would have had to make it. As peaceful as possible for me, and I really appreciate that, that they took the time to say, all right, you're taking him to school.
You have him on these days, even if there was hurt behind whose family I was with, or if I'm spending more time at 1 than the other, they really made those sacrifices for me to make sure that both of them were there for me and make sure that. I didn't have to see a conflict. I didn't have to see a lot of, like, arguing or yelling back and forth or any of those.
I was really, I was spared from. And I was just given support from both sides, and I can't really [00:55:00] calculate how much that's, that's helped me. And I also don't know what that took from either of them to make that, make that happen. That's just what I have to say to them is thank you for, thank you for that.
And if there's hurt behind which family I was with more or hurt behind, you know, how things ended up. Like we're still here now and I think there's so much growth yet to come for us.
Joey: Beautiful. I love that man. Yeah, I know. And from everything you said about your parents, I definitely admire their ability to like put you first and even kind of look beyond some of their own pain.
It sounds like they did a lot of that. So really, really, really good. Thank you again for being here. I really appreciate it. I yeah, love your story and you're again such an impressive man So excited to see you at some point in Florida. And yeah, thanks for all the good work You're doing with your business as well.
And I just want to give you the final word What advice would encouragement would you give to someone listening right now? Who maybe is the younger you like they're listening to you know, and in those shoes of where you were some years ago But what would you say to them?
Dylan: I would [00:56:00] say Especially if they're a young man listening, or also for the girls as well who are growing up, whether it be in a blended family or a family of divorce, is that that part of your story will affect you and it's not something to do.
Like, forget about, but it's because I think as a young person growing up, you can be tempted to say, Oh, that was, that was a while ago, or it's been some years now. So I'm not going to think about that. But I think giving yourself the permission to be able to think about it to wonder, how am I, how am I really doing?
Some of that work in healing, whether it be healing in relationship with your parents, or offering some more forgiveness for just how the things, how things went. I think it can be really valuable to not hide from that pain, but sort of see what, what life is teaching you right now and understand that.
You're a young man of worth, you're a young woman of worth, and you're going to be a blessing in so many people's lives, and don't try to [00:57:00] get your worth from your story, or don't try to, like, look for random role models. Instead, just try to, try to do the healing within yourself and with your family when it's safe, and with positive, healthy role models that You would actually want to be like, and actually have a life like theirs, not just going for wherever the validation or the intention is.
Joey: That wraps up this episode, by the way, if you want to share your story with us, if you come from a broken family and you want to just tell someone about what you've been through, we'd love to hear it. You can do that anonymously at restored ministry.
com slash story, or by just clicking the link in the show notes.
And if this podcast has helped you, feel free to subscribe or follow on your podcast app, whether that's Apple podcast, Spotify, YouTube, whatever. Not only is it the best way to avoid missing future episodes, but the more subscribers we have, the more that the apps will actually suggest our show to people who are looking for help.
And it only takes a few seconds. And if you've already done that, feel free to rate or review the show. We always appreciate that feedback. And that also helps people find [00:58:00] the podcast as well.
In closing, always remember, you are not doomed to repeat your family's dysfunction. You can break that cycle and build a better life, and we're here to help.
And keep in mind the words of C. S. Lewis who said, you can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.
