I Was Happier and Different Before the Divorce
2 minute read.
This story was written by Anonymous at 29 years old. Her parents divorced when she was 4. She gave permission for her story to be shared.
HER STORY
There was fighting, my mom struggled to keep up with us kids and the house. There were other men around (mentor types) who made my dad jealous, but he never communicated that. My dad got angry and wanted a divorce. He moved into an apartment and I remember him driving away, with my mom and I yelling after him. My dad brought us to live with my grandparents for a few months and my mom wasn’t allowed to see us except for an hour a week until she took my dad to court. She says she tried to see us more. I think my dad was at his wit’s end and needed help from my grandparents. It was a terrible idea to prevent my mom from seeing us, though. Very traumatic. I remember having a nightmare and not always having a good time. I even developed an allergy while there.
HOW THE DIVORCE MADE HER FEEL
Not good, though I can’t remember too much. My uncle said that something shut off in me. I was happier or different before it happened.
HOW THE DIVORCE IMPACTED HER
I have very low self-esteem and have trouble feeling like I have the friendships that I have. I have some friends, but at this point, I don’t feel too close to anyone, though I desire this. When dating, I am quite insecure with the person I’m with, which makes it hard to discern marriage with them. I feel insecure about changes in conversation and in my emotions while dating. I fear the person will leave and it will end. I am also attached to marriage too much perhaps and live in a fantasy world a bit about it, something that has helped me cope.
ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS JUST SEPARATED OR DIVORCED
If separated, it may be possible to save their marriage. I know of a Catholic ministry that has saved many marriages.
If things are more final, I would say pray, get close to God, volunteer, reach out to people. Talk about it!! There is nothing more helpful than talking about it with a person you know you can 100% trust. However, be sure to call them out on it and stand up for yourself and your experiences if they downplay the situation and gaslight.
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