“Should I Ask My Divorced Parents for Relationship Advice?” Live Call In! | 159
To serve you better, we’re trying something new.
In this episode, I’ll mentor three people live, right here on the show.
Each of them brings a raw, honest question—things most of us from broken families have wrestled with.
A college student asks how to heal from his dad’s abandonment—and whether he should leave the door open for a relationship or finally close it.
A man wonders how he can help young people from broken homes.
And finally, a woman in her 20s opens up about concerns with her mom’s second marriage, and asks, “Who do I go to now for advice, now that I’m in a relationship myself?”
If you’ve ever felt alone or unsure what to do when faced with problems in your broken family… this episode is for you.
Ask a question anonymously on the show
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TRANSCRIPT
Transcript produced by artificial intelligence. Please pardon any errors!
Joey (00:00)
Welcome to the restored podcast. I'm Joey Panarelli. If you come from a divorced or dysfunctional family, this show is for you. We mentor you through the pain and help you heal so you can avoid repeating your family's dysfunction and instead build strong, healthy relationships. To serve you guys better, we're trying something new. In this episode, I'll actually mentor three people live right here on the show.
Each of them brings a really raw and honest question, things that most of us who come from broken families can at least relate to if we haven't struggled with ourselves. For example, a college student asks how to heal from his dad's abandonment and whether he should leave the door open for a relationship or finally close it. A man wonders how he can help young people from broken homes that he sees all around him. And finally, a woman in her 20s opens up about concerns she has with her mom's second marriage and asks, who do I go to for advice now that I'm in a relationship?
Myself so if you can relate to any of that or you've ever felt alone or unsure what to do when faced with problems in your broken family This episode is for you. By the way, if you'd like to come on the show and ask a question I'll tell you how that works at the end But in the meantime, feel free to go to restored ministry dot-com slash ask or click the link in the show notes to submit your question By the way, you'll notice that the guests don't show their face and you don't know their name. You only hear their voice That's intentional. We just want to be really respectful of everyone's kind of
family experiences and the sensitivities around sharing intimate details and so we thought this would be the best most fruitful most respectful way to go about this and so if you were to come on the show it would be the exact same but with that here's our first
hey man tell me a little bit about the problem you're dealing with yeah
Guest 1 (01:37)
My dad has not been present in my life, so from the beginning, he hasn't been there. And especially in my college years, I've started to deal with kind of the pain of, you know, my dad not being around and the effects that that's had on me. I've been kind of trying to like be on this healing journey the last couple of years to try to figure out, you know, like, like kind of deal with like the anger that I felt towards my dad, especially for not being present. And I've kind of talked to my mom about it, but she's someone who's very much like, you know, just kind of like, just like kind of try to move on, like move past it. So like.
Something that was kind of difficult was my last birthday that I had in March. She gave me a birthday gift and she signed it from her and my dad. I had actually talked to my dad recently. He had reached out for my birthday, which was the first time I'd heard from him in a couple years. But he's someone who I've heard from him like a handful of times over the last couple of years. My mom and I have always been the ones to initiate contact. He never initiates. so, and usually when we initiate contact, we'll talk for a couple of days at a time.
send a few emails, if you text back and forth, maybe call. And then after that, it's pretty much radio silence from him. It will even send messages and he just like won't respond for a while. So it's kind of just like radio sounds from him. And so I know that it's very unlikely that my mom managed to reach out to him, establish contact and agree on a gift idea and to have him like be part of that process. So I'm guessing that most likely he put his name on it just to kind of try to like, you know, make me feel better or try to do something for me. But I'm convinced that that's very likely not the case.
And so kind of trying to understand how I can best pursue my healing journey, try to of like heal from like the anger and the wounds of my dad not being present in my life and not wanting to be present, not wanting to be a father in my life. When my mom is kind of still trying to, she's always telling me to kind of like reach out to him and be like, yep, keep that line of connection open. Cause like in case he decides that he wants to be in your life, you don't want to be the one that cuts that off. You want to keep that avenue open, but it's tough cause like he just kind of like.
He'll be there for a little bit, a couple days, and then he'll just not want to contact and not even respond to my messages. And so I'm trying to understand how I can pursue my healing journey when my mom kind has this different way of doing it. And I'm sure there's her own pain and trauma that she has and unpacked, which isn't my responsibility, I know. But I'm trying to understand the best way for me to try to move forward when it seems like she's not really moving forward herself and also trying to keep us connected to him when he doesn't seem to want to be connected.
Joey (03:58)
Thank you for sharing so much and I the first thing I want to say is your anger makes sense the fact that you're bothered by all of this the fact that you You know have struggled to quote-unquote like move on Totally makes sense to me I remember it was a Victor Franco who said an abnormal response to an abnormal situation is normal behavior and you know as you know in other words It's just means something bad happens in your life and you feel bad about it Makes sense like that. That's the right response to it
Guest 3 (04:24)
that
Joey (04:27)
I see your mom's desire. I, it sounds like her intention's good. She wants you to have a relationship with your dad, which is a really good and beautiful thing. But you know, well, that might be a little bit idealistic in this case though. Cause you're faced with the reality of like, well, he doesn't really seem like he wants much to do with me. And you know, you have this pent up anger, which totally makes sense given everything that you've been through. I remember feeling the same way with my dad, just really dealing with a lot of anger and
trying to navigate how we're in a better spot now. But I remember feeling at a time, like the only time he wanted to maybe interact with me and be in my life was when he needed something from me. And that was so frustrating. I just, I didn't want that type of relationship. Like I said, we've gotten to a better spot now. So that's the first thing I just want to say is like your anger makes sense. One of the questions I had was have you ever had like a conversation with your dad or communicated to him the, you know, the disappointment, the resentment, the anger that you feel about everything that's happened and like where your relationship is with him now?
Guest 1 (05:23)
⁓ No, haven't really had that. ⁓ We just like haven't had much conversation period. And so like a lot of the conversations that we've had are just kind of like catching up because I often haven't heard from him in like three, four years at a time, like when I talk to him. And so yeah, and so yeah, so we just haven't had that conversation of that level like at all.
Joey (05:44)
No, that totally makes sense. Do you feel like you talking to him about those things is an important step or do you think that that's something that would maybe do more harm than good? ⁓
Guest 1 (05:54)
⁓
I think there's a possibility it would do more harm than good. ⁓ The reason I say that is just because I think another kind of significant component of this is that my parents are both from East Africa and so there are definitely some cultural kind of differences there. And so one thing is I've talked to my mom, had conversations with my mom about how I feel about this. And I definitely like in their culture, they have this big culture of just kind of like not dealing with emotion so much and not just kind of like stuffing stuff down, but kind of just like getting over things.
and just kind of pushing forward because there's always a need. Yeah, and so I think there's like the kind of this idea of just like, yeah, like if there's something that's like difficult, it's like you just kind of deal with it and move on. Like you either try to make it work or if it doesn't work, you just kind of deal with it and move on. And so part of that, I think is just how my mom has responded to the situation where like my dad chose to leave. And so she just kind of had to deal with it and move on. Of course, she had emotions to do it like to like figure out, but like she just kind of had to deal with it and move on. So that should be because she had a child to raise, which is me. But yeah, I just kind of feel like that.
leaves us in a spot where I think if I were to talk to him about it, don't think there'd be a conversation where I would be able to find more closure or find more explanation for what he did, but it would kind of just be justification and just kind of like, well, this isn't really a problem because you've lived for 21 years at this point and there hasn't been a problem, so there shouldn't be a problem now. And so it's something that doesn't need to be talked about because it kind of should have just been dealt with because like...
The problem has just always been there. So you kind of just deal with it this point and just kind of move on instead of trying to rehash things that are like 20 years in the past.
Joey (07:28)
No, I totally hear what you're saying and I think a lot of people take that approach to life like you said where it's like They don't really take time to like grieve things like traumas injuries things that were like lost They instead just focus on like the next thing and the next thing and the next thing I heard the analogy once in another podcast of like swimming So if you imagine like a woman with long hair swimming in water As long as she keeps moving like the hair will just kind of flow behind her it will never actually catch up with her
But once she stops moving, then all of the muck, all the dirt, all the trauma, the past will catch up with her. And I think for a lot of people that could be like terrifying, that could be overwhelming. One of the things that I believe though, is that those experiences that we have in life, ⁓ stay with us, right? The past isn't the past, the past lives in the present. And so, you know, that all that is like lodged in our subconscious, it impacts the way that we think, the way that we act, the way that we feel.
And so often it can leave us stuck in whether it's bad habits, struggling with our emotions and relationships, like all the things. And so I think if we don't address it and we don't revisit those really painful wounds, those memories from the past, then it can actually inhibit our growth. And so that whole mindset of like, you know, just move on, forget about it, let time do its thing. You know, maybe that's helpful in some like lesser serious situations, but in things like this, your parents getting divorced, your dad.
Essentially neglecting you and abandoning you like I don't I don't want to be too hard on him But at the same time it's like like you deserved a dad who was there for you who was present who could Mentor you and guide you like the dad that like every child is supposed to have and when that's taken from you That's a very serious loss, right? And I'm not trying to sound patronizing at all. It's for all of us It's like you deserve to have that you deserve a mom and a dad who loved each other who stayed together who had
you know, healthy relationship who modeled love for you and that was taken from you. And that had, you know, consequences, which I'm sure, you if we could talk forever, there's probably a lot of things in your life that ⁓ were broken and that went wrong because of that. And so that's just the first thing I just want to affirm you and like, yeah, I think it's wise to deal with this so that when you go on and build your own family and build your own marriage, this stuff isn't still there in the same way. It's going to be there.
Unfortunately, to some extent, because you're always going to have your mom and your dad and note your life to some degree, I imagine. But I think it's so important that we need to go back and dig up these things. So specifically to your question about like your own healing journey, what I'm hearing from you, man, is that
This is such a big stumbling block for you that unless some action is taken to resolve this, it's gonna constantly be in the back of your mind and popping up. And so one thing I would recommend that other people have found helpful, and you'll need to think about this and figure out what to do, is perhaps writing a letter. ⁓ Maybe you've tried this. Have you tried writing your dad a letter or even your mom a letter about it? No. So it's a simple tactic where, and I did this with my dad, where you just write out everything that you're feeling.
Everything that if you could say it to him and if it were to be received well, you would want to say. And you know, it looks different for every person, but you you're essentially expressing a few things. One, you're leading with your intention. So you're saying, here is why I'm writing this letter. Okay. And by the way, you don't always have to send this letter. You don't always have to deliver it to him. It might just be something that you do to get out of your, you know, off your chest, out of your mind. So that's the first thing like lead with your intention. Oh, dear dad, here's why I'm writing this letter.
The second thing is ⁓ to just be honest and I would say start with the problem and maybe even call out the ways in which you think he might react. I totally understand that this might make you feel defensive. I totally get that your reaction might be to justify yourself. Call that out because when you call that out, what often happens according to experts like Chris Voss, he was an FBI negotiator, he was really great at talking through situations where there was a lot of conflict because he was getting hostages out of...
dangerous situations. He says when you put into words what people are feeling or what they're probably going to do, it tends to disarm them and make them less likely to do that thing. And so I'd call it out there. And then I would just express from your point of view, be like, this is my experience. This is what I felt. This is what I went through. And I know maybe you're thinking like, well, you're fine. You made it. You're a healthy person. Things in life seem to be going well for you. But here's what it cost me. Here are all the different ways in which I struggled over the years.
Not just the bad things, you can mention the bad things that happened, the divorce, the abandonment, but also the good things that you never had because he wasn't in your life, because the divorce happened, because all these different things. And you can just list those out. Literally you can make bullet points of like, it cost me this, it hurt me in this way, it damaged me in that way. And this is not done necessarily to express blame, but just to share like, this is what I went through, this is all the ways it hurt me. And then from there,
You might not be ready for this and that's okay. You can get to a point where you say, and I forgive you. And I know like I feel like I want you to pay me back to make up for all the bad that you have done, but I'm choosing to forgive you, releasing you of this debt. you know, one of the ways, one of the things I did with my dad is I said, you know, I want a good relationship with you, but I will not, you know, I won't force that on you. could say, I only want that if you want that too. And here's what that might look like.
Or here are some of the conditions, you can put some boundaries in place and say, here are some of the conditions that would need to be true if we were to have a relationship. And then, you know, give him the freedom. You know, you could even say like, you don't have to write me back if you want to. Maybe show him, tell him what you want him to do in response if he wants to communicate. Like a face-to-face conversation, you know, too much, let's say.
So maybe it's a letter, an email, something like that that he might wanna say to you. So anyway, that's like the exercise of writing the letter and you could type it out and then write it out. You can do whatever you want to. And then it's up to you to discern. Like is this gonna do more harm than good? Is this something that I can just put on paper, maybe share with a mentor, a spiritual director, a friend, kind of expressing getting all this off my chest. Your mom might not be the right person to share this with.
and then leave it at that because that was even a healing exercise in itself or is it something that I want to mail to him or email him as well? So how are you feeling about that?
Guest 1 (13:41)
Yeah, I think when you said letter I was worried because I was like I don't think I can send him something but just writing it I think would definitely be a game changer something that I haven't tried that I'd be really willing to try for sure.
Joey (13:52)
Do you have people in your life who can mentor you, like a mentor, a spiritual director, someone like that, who you could talk through this situation with and maybe share the letter and the contents of the letter with? ⁓
Guest 1 (14:03)
⁓
Yeah, I think my confirmation sponsor, he's a pretty good guy. We haven't talked about this very much, but I mean, I think he'd definitely hear me out though. And he'd be willing to sit down and talk about it.
Joey (14:16)
Okay, that's a great idea. And the reason I say that is because one of the things I think that can be dangerous for those of us who had fathers who were absent and neglected us is that we could try to go through life alone. And I'm not saying you did this. I think it's just a good reminder for all of us that we need other men in our life to father us. need other men. We need God to father us, but we need other men in our life who can walk with us and kind of fill the absence of a father. And in my life, I've had so many amazing
men especially who have just walked with me, sometimes just for a season. Maybe I'm not in close contact with them anymore, but they're there to guide me through the challenges I'm facing. They're there to just love and affirm me as a man. And there's just something so helpful and healing about that. go, again, nothing wrong with going to your friends, but there's something different, as I'm sure you know, to going to someone who's a little bit older and wiser and saying like, hey, here's the situation. Here's how I feel about it. Here's what I'm trying to discern if I should send this letter or not.
These are all the ways in which, you my dad hurt me and I want to find closure. want to find healing. I want to move on from this. want to, you one day become a dad myself. I wouldn't know whatever the case is for you. And I want to make sure I don't repeat this. And so I want to really find some closure here. So that, that's just one exercise I would recommend. And I think, you know, mentors are such a key to healing. What, one final thing I just, that just came to mind. Um, if it comes to a point where your dad, you know, just has no interest in a relationship with you and doesn't acknowledge the pain and
Justifies everything and just you know, maybe even blames your mom or even you in some cases I would just be prepared for that, you know and just be prepared for like you said That's probably what would happen if I were to have this conversation with him To be prepared for that and just know that that says way more about him that it does about you and the reality of the situation ⁓ He's just probably acting out of hurt and he's just saying things that make him feel better and are probably it's probably too heavy for him in some ways
to just acknowledge all the ways in which he harmed you. And so just be ready for that reaction. And if that is the reaction, my encouragement would be to just, again, take it to a mentor, give it to God, and just entrust that, hey, obviously this door has closed. This relationship is not gonna be a thing. In fact, if it comes to a point where you say, you know what, if he wants to contact me and pursue a relationship with me, I'm open to that. And I would recommend communicating this at some point, but I'm not gonna, you
Proactively try to have a relationship with him if he just kind of writes me off and neglects me and doesn't call for three Like that's those are clear signs that he's just not super interested And so while I applaud your mom's desire for you to have a man in your life and have a relationship with your dad It's okay for you to have boundaries with him and say you know what this relationship isn't going anywhere And you know if he doesn't want to repair it He doesn't want to make it better that I'm gonna take my attention my focus my energy my time
Guest 3 (16:45)
years.
Joey (17:06)
and put that into relationships like a mentor relationship, who can really help me grow and who I can have like that good father figure. Does that help?
Guest 1 (17:14)
That didn't make sense, yeah. This has been great.
Joey (17:16)
Will you stay in touch and let me know how it goes? Sure. Awesome, man. Good to talk with you. This episode is sponsored by Blackstone Films. They just released a new documentary called Kenny. It's about an ordinary Denver priest who lived like a true father and transformed families and inspired vocations. He would actually wake up at 430 every day to do an hour of adoration. His parishioners would ask him to pray for them and they actually got those prayers answered. Some even call them miracles.
Guest 1 (17:18)
Yeah, I can definitely do that for
Joey (17:43)
He had to shepherd his people through the Columbine shooting, if you guys remember that horrible event. He ate with the families in his parish every night of the week. He hiked with groups of young adults in the Rocky Mountains on Colorado, and he sat with couples on the brink of divorce, even saving a marriage, which they talk about in the documentary. And so if you want a hopeful model of leadership and fatherhood, something worth watching with maybe your spouse or your small group, watch Kenny.
The trailer and the full film are now streaming on formed.org. You could just tap the link in the show notes to watch the full documentary or just the trailer. Again, thanks to Blackstone Films for sponsoring this episode and for telling such an inspiring story that I myself watched and really appreciate it. Hey man, how can I help?
Guest 3 (18:27)
⁓ I came from, you know, my parents were divorced and what I'm finding out is I am still meeting people that are either talking about divorce or they're actually divorced. usually what I key in then, you know, they have children and you know, how's that affecting the children? You what are they going through? I know of one young boy, I think he was like eight, nine years old, he was at school and
So their parents were having problems talking about divorce. So he's in school, he's on a playground set and he falls off the playground set and breaks his arm. And then he lied about it. You know what I'm Well, he got pushed off or whatever. But the truth was that he just kind of did it himself. so I don't know if he was acting out. But anyway, that was one incident. There was another family that actually went through divorce and the child
quit eating and was becoming very thin. And so this was was happening with somebody, a grandparent, the child and the parent lived somewhere else. But the grandparent was concerned, you know, what was going on with the child. I would, you know, pull out your book. And I say, you know, and I would I would loan the book out. And that's about the only response I had how they whatever happened after that, I don't know.
But I just would like to help other people and would like to know how do you approach people in those kinds of situations? How do you approach children in those kind of situations?
Joey (20:06)
Yeah, no, it's a great question. And man, I, I'm not surprised by hearing all the struggles that you described. I know you know, well, we both come from a similar background that, you know, it's really common for children of divorce to struggle in a lot of the ways that you mentioned, even have more health problems and people who come from intact families, which is wild. If you guys aren't aware of that, check out, there's research ⁓ from Dr. Paul Amato at Penn State from Dr. Judith Wallerstein at UC Berkeley. A lot of other researchers have looked into this stuff. And so all these negative effects,
totally makes sense. yeah, it kind of sounds like the question maybe is in two parts, if that's okay. One would be how do we maybe help a parent or someone help a young person from a broken family? So maybe a little bit of a different approach. And then how do we directly help someone from a broken family? Because I know in some cases, you know, like we're talking, if it's a child and you're maybe not in a position of authority, you might not be able to like interact or help them directly. But like you said, there can be huge help given to like mom or dad or whoever is in a position of authority there.
so that they can do their best to support, love, assist that kid. But then there's other cases where I'm sure you're interacting with young people who ⁓ need to help themselves and you're in a position to maybe be a bit of a mentor or to guide them through some things. So I'd love to dive into that. Maybe let's go with how to help the parent first or the person in authority and then we'll go back to young person themselves. So I think the first thing I've seen with a lot of parents that they need to hear is that we need to just acknowledge
how harmful, hurtful, damaging is a strong word, a divorce can be for a young person. There's this narrative in our culture that kids are resilient, that they'll be fine, that it's not that big of a deal, that everyone's happier, and that's simply not true. It's not research backed. If you actually read the studies, we recently finished reviewing over 100 peer reviewed studies on this topic. We're gonna be publishing a book.
with those studies in it so you guys can have it and have a quick reference for it. But keep an eye on that for in the future. But all these studies show that, especially in low conflict families where there's not like abuse and the threat of death or danger, things like that, the kids do worse off after a divorce than before the divorce. And so I think like parents, that's the first point, which I know you know well, but I think so often we need to help parents kind of see that reality. There's a recent study that came out.
that studied children of divorce for like 30 years. And it studied, think it was like hundreds of thousands of them, a huge data pool. And so when you see, and that came from the US census by the way, we'll link to the study ⁓ in the show notes so you guys can check that out for yourselves. So often we see someone struggle, like maybe a parent who just doesn't recognize how harmful damaging divorce can be for their kids. And we say, hey, you should see this differently. Here's something you should read or do or whatever.
to understand that it's damaging. And the person might just like dig their heels in and be like, no, like all of us have a resistance to anyone telling us what we should do. Anyone telling us, you you should do this, we'll often get that response. And so, you know, a more tactful approach where you build the relationship and maybe ask some questions around like, you know, I noticed that they're struggling with this, you know, that situation where you said what the kid fell off the, you know, fell off the playground, broke their arm. The other kid who, you know, was just getting physically like thin and
not eating enough and maybe ask some questions around that particular pain point. And then the best is possible, especially through questions. I love using questions, try to lead them to the conclusion that do you think this has anything to do with the divorce? And again, so often I've seen a lot of parents, ⁓ once they connect the dots, once they recognize it, they're like, my gosh, I didn't realize it. Now I have all these stories, I have all these studies that show me this. I think there is certainly a connection here.
There are some parents I think who are obstinate and it might be a little bit more difficult to get through to them because for one reason or another, it's really hard for them to swallow that no, my actions or the action of me and my spouse would have any sort of negative effect on them. And so I think that's the approach, like build the relationship, get in a position, a little bit of a position in an influence, and then try to make a suggestion that, this might have something to do with the divorce. And in that case, if then they maybe open up, then you can maybe give them my book like you said, or,
give them Primal Loss, that book where that tells stories of children of divorce, or maybe offer them something like a study or two if they're more data driven to see like, hey, you know, this is a just some more information for you to consider as you're trying to solve this problem that is pretty pressing for you. What do think? Yeah.
Guest 3 (24:35)
definitely resonates. I just feel for these kids because I haven't gone through it. My heart breaks for them. But also too, I don't want to overstep my boundaries either. I want to take them and love on them, but I know that a lot of times that's not going to happen.
Joey (24:57)
On that note though, I'm glad you mentioned that and I'm the same. When I see especially little kids who they're going through a lot of messiness at home, whether it's just dysfunction or usually it's a divorce that I see, my goodness, my heart just drops into my stomach. It's like, ⁓ my goodness, this is so painful to watch these little kids go through especially. I mean of any age, but especially that. It just brings me back to when I went through my parents' divorce and so definitely.
I don't want them ever to have to go through that. And if they do, don't want them to go through it alone. That's what, you know, drives a lot of what I do. But I think there might even be a space, depending on how well, you you know, the parents to even perhaps offer to step in as a mentor. I think that's a really powerful thing to do. I don't know about you, but my, mentors I've had in my life have been hugely transformative for me. Like, I think it's been the most healing and helpful thing by far. Like I've read good books, I've consumed good content.
That was really helpful. In fact, I kind of consider that mentorship from the author or the person I heard speak or the podcast I listened to, I consider that mentorship too. But I think something about in-person mentorship can be so good. So there was a mom, I might have told this story elsewhere in the podcast, but there was a mom who came to me and she was saying, hey, Joey, my daughter is really struggling because of my husband and I getting a divorce and I want to help her.
but she's not really open to me helping her. She doesn't really wanna talk to me about it, which I've seen a lot, by the way, everyone. Often, the kids don't wanna talk to mom or dad about the situation at home. They need a third party to talk to. so, I can't recall if she was going to therapy or not. so, basically, what we brainstormed together was maybe it would be good to approach someone in her life that she is close to, like a teacher or a coach. Those are the two people we came down to.
⁓ who can just kind of take her under their wing and you know just be there when she needs it and not necessarily having these big heavy conversations all the time but being there when she needs it maybe just like you know keeping an eye on her and so we decided that it was the coach who would be maybe a good fit and so the plan was that the mom was gonna Approach the coach and be okay, you know, this is what's going on at home. I to be really transparent with you
these are the ways in which I've seen my daughter struggle. And I just want to make sure she's supported and knows she has someone to talk to because she's not really open to talking to me. Would you be open to that? That was the plan. And then from there, you know, maybe the coach and the student, the young person would, you know, develop a little bit more of relationship. They already had one and then perhaps it would turn into sort of a mentorship thing. So that was just one idea. So I love that idea. And I think, you know, what some people have done in these mentorship situations is take something like a book.
You know, it's my book or not, a book like on divorce and like walk through it with someone. That's one idea. you know, even as simple as I've, you know, sitting down for coffee or going out and doing this or that. But, you know, of course, if it's a young person getting the permission of the parents, the resources that we have for parents, there's a few. So we have a PDF guide. It just has like 10 tips for not just parents, but anyone who wants to help someone who comes from a broken family. So, you know, you could.
potentially give this to them to say, hey, here's some content I found helpful. ⁓ I thought it might help in this situation. No pressure to read it, but here's this PDF that has some good stuff. It's just a few pages. It'll take you so many minutes to read it. That's one idea. So that's one resource. We'll link to that in the show notes. The second one is we actually a whole course for free that we offer. It's like a two hour course broken into three to five minute videos on this very topic, like how to help someone who comes from a broken home.
Guest 1 (28:25)
We have.
Joey (28:37)
whether you're a teacher, a parent, a coach, you know, some person in position of authority, some kind of a leader, or you just care for someone like maybe your nephew, your niece, someone like that, you know, a friend that you see, then you could take that course. You can learn some of the research behind, you know, divorce, like how divorce affects the children, and then get some tactics that we offer on like how to best assist them and help them. So those are the two resources I would say totally free.
something that we've got a lot of great feedback on. So those are the two tangible resources I would recommend that you could potentially send their way with their permission. Does that sound helpful?
Guest 3 (29:11)
Yeah, it did. I had coaches in my past that, like you just mentioned, coaches in my past that took me under their wing. It really impacted my life.
Joey (29:20)
To hit on the second question, I'll try to be concise here. When it comes to like directly helping a young person who comes from a broken family, there's obviously a lot at play. The context matters, like what's going on? What are they struggling with? What's your relationship to them? But assuming you have a relationship, maybe they're 18 or you least have their parents permission to help them if they're younger or they're related, whatever, then I think the first thing is similar to what I said about the parents. It's just like acknowledging the hurt, acknowledging the harm.
It's kind of wild. seems so simple. It's like, that even do any good? Is that even that helpful? ⁓ but it really is, especially again, in a world where things, whenever we talk about divorce, it's either sugar coated, you know, or we minimize other people's pain and be like, there's nothing wrong here. Like you have two homes and twice as many Christmas presents. It's like, not, helpful. And so when we just call divorce, what it is like, it's a tragedy.
It's a trauma. It's a really painful, hard thing to go through. And you you and I can speak from experience, like, hey, we've been through our parents divorce ourselves, like we get it. And even if the young person I found like, isn't maybe fully aware of how impactful that has been on them, because maybe they're young and they haven't seen the full effects play out, which is what the research says. You don't really see the full effects play out until you're an adult. Typically you can still maybe talk about just, Hey, this is hard. I'm giving you empathy. I'm giving you acknowledgement. And that's, think the starting point.
From there, what I found, especially with younger people, they might not have the full capacity, like process and heal from all this stuff. Like I'm thinking teenagers in high school, especially early high school, especially maybe end of middle school. And so I think in those cases, they often just need to be loved and supported and maybe taught to deal with their pain in healthy ways. And there's no better way to teach that than by modeling it, than saying, hey, here's what I do when I'm hurting, when I'm suffering, when I'm in pain.
⁓ and cause I think what's so often happens, this is what happened with me, man. It was, was in a lot of pain. I didn't have anyone really watching over me. felt pretty neglected by my parents, even though they didn't intend that dad was out of the house. Mom was just so overwhelmed and busy trying to do everything, doing both roles that, ⁓ that, I was off with people I shouldn't have been hanging out with. I was, you know, just getting into the wrong things and just feeling, you know, feeling a lot of pain. And so I think if there's someone who can like help you avoid those landmines.
that is extremely valuable because a lot of bad things happen. You know, I fell into pornography, I fell into like other, you know, bad habits, sexual sin, things like that. And that's really had an impact on my life. And so, you know, I think if you can avoid kind of play a little bit of like, you're just helping them survive, you're helping them get by. And then once they get to a place where they have more breathing room and they're able to kind of process it and have more maturity, then maybe that's when you go deeper with them and help them find some healing and hopefully, you know, rewire the bad habits or anything that.
they've fallen into, I think that's the place to start. And the final thing I would say is, for anyone listening who maybe you have a good marriage, invite them into your home if it's appropriate. And if it's not, then maybe try to arrange or coordinate for them to spend time with a good, healthy marriage and family. And no family's perfect. I'm not saying you have to be a perfect family to do this. Every family has stuff. Every family has some level of dysfunction, I would argue. But there's a difference between one that's mostly healthy and one that's like,
really dysfunctional. And so I would say I think it's such a beautiful thing. It was just so helpful and healing for me to just spend time around, you know, healthy marriages and families. were two marriages that were just so impactful for me. I remember just loving to going over to their house as a teenager. remember, you know, going to the ⁓ Cheatham's house and just seeing, you know, the way that they acted as a family, seeing the way that mom and dad talked to each other, even when they disagreed and just how there was just so much joy. There was a lot of peace that was, you know, very different than that.
certain seasons of my family. And then the Kellers as well, another family that I just admired so much, like the love that they had, the romance that they kept alive. That was just really beautiful. And so, you know, someone could read that in a book, ⁓ they can hear about it, but there's something about being in the presence of that, that just, there's no replacement. And so that's the other thing that we often will suggest. It's like, man, if there's a way to kind of take them under your wing, have them over for a meal.
invite them to come over to like, you know, help you with a project around the house, whatever it looks like, get them involved a little bit in your family. doesn't need to be constant, but if you did that, you know, a couple of times a month, I think that would be a really impactful thing to help a young person. Then again, we're kind of just there keeping the door open when they do have a problem or they do want to talk because I found that, you know, again, with a lot of young people, you kind of have to earn their trust. You have to open that door.
And then once they see like, you're not going anywhere, you're trustworthy, you're someone who kind of gets my pain and you've made it clear like, hey, you I don't want to pressure you at all, but whenever you're ready to talk, like I'm here for you. If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. Then they know like, oh, I have someone to go to. Cause I think a lot of young people today feel like they have no one to go to and they just go online and they find people to, you know, friends to guide them or other people to guide them that might not actually be as helpful. I mean, it could even be really harmful. And so, so that's one thing.
So yeah, just a few ideas there I guess to help. Is that helpful?
Guest 3 (34:31)
That was helpful. My own experience had a big brother. So talk about once a month, we met at least twice a month. And ⁓ anyway, I was able to see a happy marriage and how they interacted with each other. Something I didn't have at home. just I had a mom at home. So, you know, they were divorced when I was five. So it was it was mom. There was no dad. So I didn't know how to interact with a man.
And so I had the big brother, but also, you know, some of that was that I got to see a healthy marriage. helped me, ⁓ you know, now that I got married, I think it really helped me to know how I was supposed to you know, and behave and, you know, what my role was, all that. It wasn't though, I mean, I don't want to go into foreign death, but I wish I had had ⁓ the Bibles they have out now and it could have flipped.
to what God intended for marriage and how a husband is supposed to treat a wife and a wife is supposed to treat a husband. I wish I'd have had that heads up a long time ago. My marriage is solid. I married a beautiful woman. Those kinds of things. I had a King James version and didn't understand it. I'm a visual learner and I'm like, I don't understand what they're trying to say.
It was not a resource for me. However, the Bibles these days have theologians notes and if you don't understand it, can look at the theologians notes. How do you apply it in your life? But the big one I got, the first thing I got was like, oh, as a husband, I have these responsibilities. This is how God intended for a husband to act and behave. This is how a wife is supposed to act and behave and how children are supposed to act and behave.
had that when I started out in marriage, that would have solved a lot of my issues as well.
Joey (36:33)
That's beautiful though that you either at least
trying to do it and eventually got the help you needed. I'm with you there. yeah, just in closing, I think it's just, it's such a powerful and beautiful thing that you came from what you did and you've built what you have in your marriage. That's really beautiful. think there's a lot of people who I know I felt this way, who feels like that's unattainable for them. It feels like it's impossible. you prove that it's not. Okay, real talk. If you've been trying to get in shape so you feel better physically and emotionally, but nothing is working, you're not crazy.
I've been there myself. recently read a free guide by Dakota Lane, a certified personal trainer who we've partnered with that's helped about a thousand people and it was really helpful for me personally. In the guide, he breaks down the biggest fitness mistakes that we all make like under eating, over stressing, or focusing too much on the scale and he gives really simple practical tips that you could actually use that you can implement today. And so if you're tired of feeling like you're never gonna get in shape, just click on the link in the show notes and grab the guide today. It's totally free and it might just be the thing you need.
to start feeling healthier physically and emotionally. Hey, how could I help to?
Guest 3 (37:40)
So kind of the question that I have for right now is should I bring up the dysfunctional patterns that I'm seeing specifically in my mom's second marriage? So just for context, I'm in my late 20s and my parents got divorced in my late teens. They had been married all my life before then. They got remarried to other people about two years after they divorced and kind of throughout their marriages, I noticed
kind of a lot of the dysfunctional patterns that they had in their first marriage with each other kind of continuing in their second marriage, but I would never really comment on it very much. Maybe I just didn't feel like it was my place or didn't want to get involved. But a few months ago, my dad had mentioned to me that he was getting divorced from his second wife. So I feel like that makes me feel like my concerns about their dysfunctional patterns are...
in a way more legitimate, and so I'm wondering if I should bring up the concerns that I still have about my mom's second marriage to her, since it's very much something that bothers me enough to the point that I'll talk about it with my friends or other family, but not necessarily to my parents. And I think also considering that some of these things, like since I don't live with my parents anymore, are things that I might hear from.
my sister who still lives with them or are things that I just see in passing when I go back to visit. So I guess my question is just wondering, like, should I bring these things up to them or how should I go about bringing those up to my parents? And also kind of a secondary question. Since I'm now starting my own relationship ⁓ in the last few months, I guess how should I go about
that dynamic of well of my parents kind of giving me advice with my first relationship as I'm seeing these things in their own relationship.
Guest 3 (39:34)
Great question.
Joey (39:36)
First, you know, can relate to so much what you're saying and I definitely get your concern for your parents. I admire that actually. My parents haven't remarried and so I haven't been through that exact scenario but I've walked with a lot of people who have and so I'm happy to share whatever I can and definitely have been in a scenario like you described where you see things in your parents' lives that make you worry. And so I think the first question I guess I had for you was...
Like what's the outcome you're hoping for? Like let's say you have that conversation with your mom. Like what do you hope that she does with that?
Guest 3 (40:08)
I mean, preferably-
Guest 3 (40:09)
⁓
what I would hope is that she could take that information and try to make improvements, but I feel like ultimately it comes to me wondering if I have like this duty of if I have this thing that bothers me enough that I'm bringing it to other people, does that then mean that I have a responsibility to bring it to like my mom herself?
Guest 3 (40:31)
Great question.
Joey (40:32)
One other question just to clarify too, let's say you do have this conversation with her, what's the percentage likelihood, you know, if you're just shooting from the hip, that it goes well and that maybe she takes in what you're saying? Like, do you think it's something so low, like 5 % or is there a pretty good likelihood that, yeah, I think she would at least listen to me and hear what I have to say.
Guest 3 (40:51)
To be honest with my mom, I feel like there actually would be a good chance she would listen to it. Unlike my dad, who feel like seemed to be lot more closed off to feedback in that way.
Guest 3 (41:04)
Okay
Joey (41:05)
That sense. And the reason I say that is because similar with your dad, ⁓ my dad has, you know, in certain seasons been like that. We're in a better spot today than we were in the past, but there were times especially where he just would not, would not have landed well. He wouldn't have received it well. And the effort of, you know, putting forth to like have that hard conversation like we're talking about would have been pretty fruitless and might have even backfired. And so I think it's important that we kind of use a little bit of judgment to say, it going to probably go well or probably go like very poorly kind of make an assessment there. So now we know that, okay,
She's heading down this dark path. You want to say something to hopefully help her get help or at least become aware of, you know, what's going on. And, know, maybe she can fix the destructive patterns, the really dysfunctional patterns that you're seeing. So I think that the first thing is like, you know, broaching the topic with her at all. So do you have the type of relationship with her where you could have these kinds of deeper conversations or do you guys usually stay more in the surface?
Guest 3 (41:56)
this.
Guest 3 (41:56)
Typically
on the surface, but I wouldn't say it's necessarily completely out of the ordinary to talk about topics like this.
Guest 3 (42:05)
Okay.
Joey (42:05)
And have you broached this topic at all? I don't think you had, if I remember right from what we discussed, but have you ever brought
Guest 3 (42:11)
this
up.
Guest 3 (42:12)
I mean the most I can remember was maybe concerns before she got married about why I had concerns about her getting remarried in the first place, but since then I don't think I've really brought up much of the concerns I had about her marriage to her.
Joey (42:26)
And that makes sense because I'm sure you were doing that out of respect. You didn't want to overstep, but now you're saying like, well, if dad's went down this path, I'm scared that mom's going to go down this path too. Okay, great. All he can say is like, if I was in your shoes, this is probably what I would do. And then you see, you know, what fits and we can discuss that. I would probably try to cut out like some time and space to talk with her one-on-one, whether that's going to a coffee shop, sitting down at home. And the way that I like to approach these topics with really anyone, whether it's my parents or someone else is you could either text them or call them, whatever's normal for you.
ask them in person like, you know, I have something I'd really like to talk to you about. It's kind of a heavy topic. Like, you know, would you be open to, you know, going on a walk or heading to a coffee shop, you know, on Friday around, you know, 4pm or 3pm, whatever it is, whenever you can go. And obviously they're going to be really curious, like, what do you want to talk to me about? And you could perhaps mention a little bit of the topic, but you don't need to give them the whole thing. How would that go over, do you think, with her?
Guest 3 (43:20)
I mean, I think that would be okay. The main thing I'm thinking about is just how to achieve that dynamic considering that I live out of state and maybe will visit every few months or so. If I should just wait until I go back home, if I should wait until I see something and bring it up then, but I guess from what I'm hearing, maybe whenever I go back home next, I might try and arrange that.
Joey (43:44)
Yeah. And I think either could work. I think doing, you know, a FaceTime call, a zoom call, whatever can totally work. And it, you know, there's a little bit of a judgment call on your part of like, how urgent do feel this is? If you feel like, you know, it's really urgent and you have to do it now, even if the video calls a little less effective. Cause I think we'd probably both agree doing something in person typically is better, but
If you can't do that in person, then doing it virtually I think works just as well. But you had a second part to your question. Does that kind of satisfy the first part? Did you want to go into that anymore?
Guest 3 (44:14)
No, I think that does satisfy the first part. And I believe the second part was kind of like considering that with all this going on that a few months ago also I just started my first relationship. wondering, I guess considering that I have concerns about, you know, how my parents are with their own relationships, how should I go about getting advice from them regarding my current relationship?
Guest 3 (44:40)
Great question.
Joey (44:42)
I
think there's two ways to answer it. On one end, people have the perspective, like never take advice from someone who hasn't been where you want to go. So don't go to a poor person asking them how to be wealthy. Don't go to someone who's completely out of shape and ask them how to be fit. You want to go to people who've done what you want to do in order to learn how they did it. So if you see someone, anyone, even I know we're talking about your parents here, who has really unhealthy relationships, and you want
your romantic relationship to be healthy, they might not be the best people to learn from. And I don't say that with harshness against them. In fact, they might even say that to you if you were to have like a really honest conversation with them. ⁓ But that's one perspective. So the question becomes then, who do you go to? And that's when I think it's really, really key. What I found really helpful, and a lot of people that I've talked with through Resort have found this helpful too, find a family that you admire.
that you would wanna emulate. You want your marriage to be like their marriage, spend time with them. Which sounds simple, but I think there's sometimes some struggles to get to that point. But that's what I would say. And for me, there were two couples, I just loved being with their family, I loved being with them. They really were an inspiration for me, because I really doubted that love could last. Especially after my parents' marriage ended, I was like this, even if marriage and love is good for a time.
I'm like, eventually it's going to fall apart. Like I do not want anything to do with that then. But in time, you know, when I saw these really beautiful couples who they didn't have perfect relationships, but he had really healthy relationships and they really happy relationships, happy marriages. I was like, man, I want that. And just by observing their, their marriage, the way they interact it, the way they disagree, the way that they, you know, would ask questions and just, you know, look at each other and like all the little things it even kind of created a little bit of an example to follow.
It was almost like a little bit of an apprenticeship in love, which I think is really beautiful. So I think that's like really great. can be hard to find those families because there's not a ton of like really thriving, great, healthy families, depending on what circles you run in. But I found across the board, it's hard to find them. And so do you know, do you have anyone in mind who might be able to be kind of that mentor family for you?
Guest 3 (46:58)
I mean
Guest 3 (46:59)
people up until now while I might ask my parents some things I do have some cousins that I might go to for advice about certain things and then also because I'm living in a different city same as my boyfriend who lives here we do have like different maybe members at church who we can go to for advice or like things like that.
Joey (47:21)
I love that. And I love that you mentioned church. think that's a great way to find these sort of mentors. ⁓ I know for me too, I found them through different relationships. Like I remember some of my professors at school, I got along with them while I looked up to them. They seemed to have really good families. So would try to ask them advice. So I think, yeah, that's great. And one of the things I would advise there, and I'm glad you have people in your corner, but if there's a family who you maybe admire at church or somewhere else, you know, start by getting to know them maybe at church.
you know, say hi to them, ask, you know, ask obviously how they're doing, things like that. And then if you can, you know, there's a couple ways to approach it. One is to like, maybe ask for you to ask like the mom, the woman to say, you know, Hey, ⁓ I really admire you and your family. I, ⁓ I'd love to get some advice for you. Would you be open to like, you know, sitting down and having coffee sometime? That's it. So you build that relationship with like the mom and then maybe over time, you know, you kind of build a relationship with the family.
where you can go over and you can maybe help out with a project around the house. You can maybe babysit the kids or do something like that. Go over for dinner, maybe even bring dinner, something like that, where you're of just spending time in their presence. like, honestly, for me, that was just incredibly helpful and healing. I don't think I'd be married today for over seven years now, if it wasn't for those families that I mentioned. I really believe that. And so I think this is like, it can be so, so helpful, at least was for me.
And so that's it. it's, and you know, think finding out how to be helpful, families have busy lives. They don't have a lot of time and space for like extra things, but people don't mind giving advice. People like giving advice. And so sitting down with someone like that, I think it'd be really good. And then maybe even, you know, trying to have a meal or something like that with them. And then in time, you know, once you get that level of comfort, perhaps I don't, you know, you don't have to go down this route. You can maybe even ask the married couple to like mentor you to kind of help you guys as a couple. Maybe you meet with them once a month or something like that.
And you just bring to them the reality of your relationships. Like, hey, here's our relationship. Here's where we're strong, here's where we're weak. This is where we want to go and whatever. This is maybe some of the things that are keeping us from getting married or whatever. And my wife and I did that and it was really helpful. We had a mentor who knew everything about our relationship and he was able to guide us and even help us figure out if we were the right fit to get married. And so I think that's really, really helpful.
I know it's like a lot of steps to get to that point. So, you know, I would recommend if there's someone at church who you admire, you look up to, just try to get to know them more, grab coffee and see where it goes. What do you think about that?
Guest 3 (49:54)
I think that sounds helpful because I think up until now the issue that I've been running into is that I have people but I haven't had that level of closeness where I felt comfortable say going to them rather than going to my parents who I felt like were people who knew me quite well.
Joey (50:11)
And there's nothing wrong with that. And that was the second part of the answer, which I want to get to in a second. But first, I totally get that. And I think it is a little bit of a leap because not everyone will be open to it. I don't think you're going to, especially if you're approaching some of that church, they're probably going to be cordial and likely going to be, ⁓ you know, open to having a coffee and, having a chat. It takes a little bit of vulnerability. And I know for me growing up, vulnerability wasn't something that was like, you know, I could tell you.
it seems like you're a vulnerable person, like you're able to open up to people and that's great. For me, it wasn't like that. I felt like in my family, we kept things kind of safe and on the surface. And so having the conversations where you're of like opening your heart up was not a normal thing. Eventually it became more normal because my siblings and I would do it and we had friends who kind of influenced that and it was really good, but it wasn't a normal thing. So I actually had to learn how to do that. I had to learn how to approach people and be like, hey,
I'd love to get your advice. And again, people love giving advice. So when you say that, use that word advice, there's actually research on this that, from Robert Cialdini, who studied like influence, he says, if you ask people for advice, like you actually will then have more influence over them, which is a really interesting thing. So anyway, people typically are really open to giving advice. So I think that's a great starting point of like, you know, figuring out a time you can sit down and have coffee to get some advice. And then, you know, kind of like we're doing this conversation,
you present, hey, here's the situation, here's the problem I'm facing. I'm feeling a little lost and I'd love to get some of your guidance here. And then, you let them go, let them see what they have to say and see if it's helpful. And if it is, then maybe you meet again. And if it's not, then that's okay. At least you, you know, had the practice of like opening up a little bit to someone and, maybe you find another person who's a better fit for you. So yeah, so that's kind of one end of it is like learning how to be more vulnerable. And I think again, kind of like we were saying before,
when it comes to that conversation, uh, you know, with your mom, you kind of got to risk it. You kind of have to go for it first. You got to have to, you kind of have to, um, put your neck out there and you know, maybe be rejected. I don't think you'd be rejected in this situation, but maybe be rejected or maybe and not go perfectly like you want it to. Um, but just realize like, Hey, that's just, this is just practice. Like I'm just learning how to do this thing. I'm not going to be perfect at it at first. And that's okay. So, so that's kind of what I would say on that front, but I wanted to get
to the second part of the answer, which is like approaching your parents for advice too, which I'm not against. I just wanted to give this first part. Is that helpful in any other questions on the first part?
Guest 3 (52:41)
No, I think that makes sense with that first part.
Joey (52:44)
first part is kind of like, don't necessarily go to your parents for advice because, know, unless you, I'm not saying you're going to end up getting divorced if you go to advice for, from divorced people, but it's kind of the whole idea of like, you want to go to people who've had success in the area that you're seeking for success. Sorry if that sounded harsh to anyone. That's not what I intended. The second part I'm saying is like, I think you can go to your mom or dad for advice and relationships. I think you need to be, you know, again, if, they had kind of like a train wreck of a marriage and there weren't a lot of great examples,
you might learn more from their mistakes than you would from the things that you should be doing. If that makes sense or the things that they did. And so I think there's, you know, like one of the, one of the lessons I've heard from a lot of parents is like, they say like, yeah, I really didn't discern well whether I should have married this person. You know, there were like all these red flags. kind of kept them to myself. didn't tell anyone about them. Or if anyone brought them up, I kind of brushed them off. didn't really give them the attention that they deserve. We ended up getting married and now we're divorced. And so I think there's like some
powerful lessons that can come from quote-unquote failure or you know a bad relationship and unhealthy relationship And so I think there is something to be said to you know going to mom or dad and seeking that advice That there's another component of it too that I would say is really helpful is that they know you so well and so they can speak into a little bit at least about maybe how they think you know, you guys are together I remember in some of my relationships in the past. I could tell my mom like
didn't quite approve of the girl I was with, not because she wasn't a good girl, but because I just didn't think that we went well together. And then I remember once I started dating my wife, it was like a totally different tone with my mom. I noticed she was, just talked about her differently, she acted around her differently, and it seemed to be like, okay, there's something here. She said it with words too, but there was something kind of like even nonverbal that I understood like, okay, she thinks this is the right fit. And so I think there's a lot to be said on those two fronts, maybe learning from their mistakes,
and then also kind of pulling upon the wisdom that they have because they've known you. You've known you as long as you have been you and no one else really knows you as long as you've been you. Is that ringing true? Is that helpful?
Guest 3 (54:46)
life.
Guest 3 (54:53)
I think so. mean, I think kind of what I've been doing a bit already is whenever I do ask for advice or they do give me advice, I feel like I tend to just kind of, I don't know, take it with a grain of salt like filter. what do I think is good from this apart from negative? And I think also they are aware of kind of their own mistakes in a sense. Like my mom will talk about things that she felt like could have gone better with my dad or.
you know, like you said, red flags or my dad will talk about with his second marriage, maybe things that, you know, he feels like if he hadn't known, maybe then he wouldn't have gone into that marriage.
Guest 3 (55:31)
That's super valid.
Joey (55:32)
I love that. And I think you're wise to take anyone's, including mine, anyone's advice with a grain of salt and kind of filtering it through, you know, what you think is best. But, but I admire you for the striving and for getting on this call today.
Guest 3 (55:46)
Yes, thank you so much for, you know, taking the time to listen and talk through things.
Joey (55:51)
Absolutely,
my pleasure and yeah, definitely feel free to come back and let us know how it went.
Guest 3 (55:55)
sure thing.
Joey (56:00)
That wraps up this episode. If you'd like to ask a question on the show, like you heard today, just go to restoredministry.com slash ask or click the link in the show notes. Here's how it works. So once you submit your question at that link, my team will review it and once it's approved, you'll get a link to schedule a time with me for 15 to 20 minutes where we'll do a call face to face. So you'll see my face, I'll see your face, but your face and name.
won't be shown once we publish the recording. The audience will only hear your voice. And even if you're not picked to come on the show, we'll do our best to answer every question we get through email at the very least. And by the way, if this podcast has helped you, feel free to subscribe or rate or review the show. You'll avoid missing future episodes and help us reach more people. closing, always remember you are not doomed to repeat your family's dysfunction.
You can break that cycle and build a better life and we are here to help. And keep in mind the words of CSU is who said, you can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.
