#147: From Athlete to Paralyzed: “It’s the Best Thing That’s Happened to Me” | AJ De La Rosa
AJ had a normal life as a college student-athlete. But one night, a violent car accident left AJ paralyzed from the waist down.
What started as 15 minutes of hell has transformed into what he calls “The best thing that’s happened to me.”
In this episode, you’ll hear:
The detailed story of the accident and the unexplainable emotions he experienced in the minutes after the accident
The two things that helped him cope and beat feeling like a perpetual victim
What AJ said to the driver of the vehicle and the miracles and transformations that have resulted from his injury
If you’ve endured trauma, a horrible injury, or you’re just going through an intense season of suffering, this episode is for you.
Follow AJ:
Email: Ajoftherose@gmail.com
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TRANSCRIPT
Transcript produced by artificial intelligence. Please pardon any errors!
AJ (00:00)
I had one of the top five minutes on the team. I was the guy that would dance in the middle of the dance floor. That's just kind of my life before my accident.
Joey (00:07)
So live in like a quote-unquote normal life.
AJ (00:09)
It was a Friday night. I was just kind of want to have fun as a college student. know, the car is going extremely fast.
Joey (00:16)
I'm curious, like, were you angry? Were you afraid?
AJ (00:18)
My
back hurt so bad and I couldn't move so all I was able to do was turn my neck. All I thought about was my life is over. Is this real? Like am I in a movie right now? There's just blood running down my face.
Joey (00:29)
So you said it was like 15 minutes of just like hell. Did it become more real when you were like leaving the hospital?
AJ (00:34)
from being
a college soccer player to trying to sit up but you can't even sit up. I think that was a hit in the face moment when I realized like I actually do need handicap parking.
Joey (00:43)
I wanted to talk to you a little bit about like grieving. I was curious how you have managed to avoid falling into victim mentality.
AJ (00:46)
is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
couldn't control it. I was just happy and I just knew everything was gonna be okay. I literally knew AJ like everything's gonna be okay.
Joey Pontarelli (01:01)
Welcome to the restored podcast. I'm Joey Pantarelli. If you come from a divorce or a broken this show is for you. help you heal your brokenness, navigate the challenges and build healthy relationships so you can break that cycle and build better life.
My guest today is AJ De La Rosa, a speaker, content creator, and a man whose story will honestly challenge how you see suffering, faith, and even joy. He's been featured on major shows such as The Christophanic Show. He runs an online community for high school athletes, and he shares his message of hope with thousands of people online, blending faith, storytelling, and even human.
Today AJ speaks in schools, churches, at retreats, encouraging others to embrace their suffering and their crosses and discover joy even in the darkest places.
AJ's life took a dramatic turn in college and what followed is both heartbreaking and honestly deeply inspiring. In this episode, we explore his really powerful journey through unexpected tragedy. We talk about radical forgiveness, a kind of peace that really defies logic.
You'll hear also how he found a lot of purpose in his pain, the unexpected ways he's helped others, like really amazing stuff and what's kept him grounded through it all. And so if you've ever faced something in life felt like it could break you,
this episode, this story, conversation might be exactly what you needed to hear.
In this episode, we do talk about God and faith. And if you don't believe in God, you're totally welcome here. Anyone who's been listening to this show knows that we're not a strictly religious podcast. so wherever you're at, I'm glad you're If you don't believe in God, my challenge to you would be this, just listen with an open mind. Even if you take out or skip the God parts, you're still gonna benefit a lot from this episode. AJ's story is amazing. And so with that, here's our conversation.
Joey Pontarelli (02:40)
AJ, welcome to the show.
AJ De La Rosa (02:42)
Hey Joey, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.
Joey Pontarelli (02:45)
No, it's great to have you on. I've been looking forward to this and want to talk about your accident obviously and what happened. But before we do that, I was wondering if you of paint a picture for everyone listening of what your life was like before it happened. So yeah, take us back there. What was life like then?
AJ De La Rosa (02:59)
So life before my was kind of crazy, it was kind of but at a young age, I was a practicing Catholic, so I wasn't really like.
I mean, my mom would try to take us to church, but my dad really never went to Maybe once every month or so, but it depended, like, it depended whether the Miami Dolphins were playing or not. so that was kind of like the reasoning why my dad didn't really go to church and he just really wasn't faithful, but they did get married through the church.
But then like 10 years before my accident, when I was like maybe in 2013, so when I was like 10 years old, my dad went on an Emmaus retreat with Catholic Church. And he went to that Emmaus retreat, it was during my mom and dad's wedding anniversary. And one of his friends told him that this would be the best gift you will ever give your wife and your family. He ended up going retreat.
And when he came back from it, he was on fire. And he had a conversion. And from that day on, we went to Sunday mass every single weekend. So then my faith kind of grew or whatever. And I was an athlete, played sports my whole life.
played soccer, basketball, football, literally everything that you can imagine. I went to a Catholic high school and my faith kind of grew. My personal faith journey kind of grew and it kind of went away during COVID. We were all inside and I couldn't go to church and I was lazy. But pretty much COVID happened, my faith kind of declined and then I got a scholarship to play college soccer at Ave Marie University.
Or I had a scholarship to go kick. I was a kicker for my high school football team and it was for a Juco. And Virginia.
So I had both offers on the table. And honestly, I played soccer since I was three years old. And I decided I might as well just go with soccer because that's something I've been playing my whole life. And there's a Catholic University. So I thought it was going to be a lot of weird people at first. I wasn't very used to it. I'm from Miami. So being from Miami, there's not that I mean, there's a big Catholic community, but I never got exposed to that Catholic community. And there was a lot of homeschoolers.
and I thought a lot of them were weird. And I know that sounds kind of messed up, but I really believe that they're weird. But then I came here and I met some of my closest friends ever my whole life, and I'm probably going to be friends with them for rest of my life. And I ended up playing college soccer. I was a starter for two years. My sophomore year, I one of the top five minutes on the team, and I was a left winger and I really enjoyed Ava Maria.
and then my accident was the party guy like my whole life. I loved like with family. I was the guy that would dance in the middle of the dance floor. I loved sports. I was outgoing, extrovert, and then I went to Aave. That's just kind of my life before my accident, yeah.
Joey Pontarelli (05:55)
Hm
Okay,
yeah, so live in like a quote unquote normal life and having fun and all that. Cool. All right, so I know bit of your story, but take us through it for anyone who has never heard of this story, of course, like what happened? Like how did the accident come about?
AJ De La Rosa (06:07)
Yeah, exactly.
So, I mean there's a lot of like many miracles that happened during this accident, but I'm just gonna give you just like what happened that day and how the night finished I guess. So, I was a college soccer player. I had my classes all day and then I went to soccer practice. Like everything was perfectly fine. It was a regular soccer practice and I walked back from the soccer fields. I went and had dinner. I started playing a couple games.
outside after dinner and I had a volleyball tournament that night and my team name was the two block us I played in a volleyball tournament after the volleyball tournament. We came like in third place and I went back to the it was a it was a Friday night. I was just kind of wanting to have fun as a college student. You know hang out with some friends. So I took a shower got dressed. We kind of had a couple drinks and.
We were drinking outside the dorm, just me and a couple of friends, like probably like six of us were just outside the dorm just drinking and talking. That was kind of my type of fun. I was never really like somebody that go out to clubs or stuff like that. So it was just, my fun was more of just hanging out with friends, drinking and talking. So there was a lot of us just there drinking and talking and these two girls come outside the dorm and I knew who they They were like kind of friends that are
I was just becoming friends with at the time. they go outside and they're like, AJ, like you have to come to this party. Like, come on, AJ, come to this party. And I was like, I look at everybody. I'm like, only way I'm going is if everybody here goes with me. And I ended up like everybody was like, all right, let's do it. And it's like it's at a park that was one minute away. I was like, OK, let's just do it. So the people I was with, they went in one car and I ended up going with the two girls and I picked up one of my other
Shout out Joe. We got Joe from the other house and we went to the park. And when we were there at the I was there for about maybe 30 minutes to an hour. It was kind of already later at nighttime when we went. It was like around maybe like 10 o'clock at night. And then we went there and I stayed there maybe for maybe it was a little bit more over an hour. But I was there for an hour and a half maybe. And I was talking to some people, but the party was ending.
my friend Joe that I brought with me was leaving and it was getting kind of nasty and I was like, you know what, I just want to leave. So then I looked for the closest car that I could get into and I saw that the friends I was hanging right outside the dorms was leaving. So I was like, you know what, I'll just go with you guys. So, and he also had a Tesla and I was like, ooh, like I've never been in a Tesla before. I want to go
So then I go into the Tesla and I'm about to get into the car and there's a guy and a girl, Michael Clicus and Grace. They were gonna get in the car but Grace, this girl that I knew, she didn't wanna sit next to the guy that she never has talked to before. So I was like, you know what, I'll sit in the middle. So I went and sat in the middle of the car we we go and we're leaving. I'm in the
the driver makes a left. And while making a left, I'm like, wait, our dorm is to the right. I don't know why you're going to the left. And he made a U-turn. He goes down to the four He makes a left to go there, to to go back to our dorm. And right when we make a left, we're all like listening to music, having a good time. He ends up gassing the car and the car ends up going 97 miles per hour on a 25.
Joey Pontarelli (09:47)
Mm.
Gosh.
AJ De La Rosa (09:52)
And right when he gassed the car, I literally shot back from my seat. Like I literally, it felt like I was And I just remember trying to grab his shoulder and tell him like, relax, like why are you going so fast? Like relax. We ended up going 97 to 25 and there was a roundabout at the end of the The car is going extremely fast we hit the roundabout, go airborne, hit a palm tree and then a pole.
And I was pretty much conscious the whole time. I think I blacked out for maybe 10 ended up waking up in the car and I looked to my left and the drivers on the ground. I looked to the right and next to driver was on the ground and ended up like looking back. But then right when I look back to the backseat, my back hurt so bad. My back was
And I couldn't move, so all I was able to do
I just remember seeing the two people that were sitting next to me, they were fine, they were in their chair, and they started waking up. I saw everybody and she starts crying. The girl that was sitting next to me in the back starts crying, what do I do, what do I do? And I'm like, call 911. We just got My back is bad. You have to call 911 as fast as possible. kind of...
Joey Pontarelli (11:03)
Hmm.
you
AJ De La Rosa (11:12)
She didn't know what to do. I I've never gotten into a really bad car accident ever in my life. I'm pretty sure no one else in the car has. So when something like this happens, you just don't know what to do. So she didn't really know what to do and I was trying to like take her through the steps to like cops. she ended up calling the cops and in my head, that was probably the worst time of my life. Being in the car, knowing that my back is
And then I started touching my legs and I couldn't feel my legs anymore. Like my legs were just done. I couldn't feel nothing. And right when I felt my legs and I couldn't feel anything, all I thought about was I'm never gonna be able to walk again. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to have kids. I'm never gonna be able play sports again. Every single bad thought went through my head at that time.
is this real? Like there's no way my legs are just like not working. Like that has to be impossible. Like am I in a movie right now? Like am I in a dream? Like this can't be real. And I just started crying for like, like just crying, sobbing, tears going out my face. Then people started coming up to the car. Are you guys And I would say, get me out of this car, please. I don't want to be in this car anymore.
and there's just blood running down my face. And every single person that came up to me, it was like, are you okay? They would just be like, ⁓ and just get scared because they saw a whole bunch of blood everywhere. And it was just a very wild moment. But then of me crying Every bad thought was in my head, kids, sports, my parents, everything, with just a snap of a finger.
literally from that moment till right now, I have I really can't explain. And I really believe that God was with me that night and he gave me this peace to just be happy and know that God has literally everything under control. And this is how my life is just gonna be
Joey Pontarelli (13:28)
Wow.
AJ De La Rosa (13:29)
Yeah, so at that moment I just knew like, I'm gonna be okay. Like, I'm gonna be probably in a wheelchair for the rest God has everything under control. Yeah. So that was like the accident part of it. And then they end up getting me out of the car. I'm happy at this point. I'm great. Like, my life is great. Like, God has everything under control. I get into the ambulance and all I'm thinking about is my parents at this point. Like, my mom has been a helicopter mom since day one.
Joey Pontarelli (13:36)
Hmm.
Hehehe.
AJ De La Rosa (13:57)
She is about me. I would never do anything wrong because I was scared of my parents I didn't want my mom to just like go crazy on me or, you know. So she was a helicopter mom and she always protected me, all I was thinking about was her. So I get into the the paramedic, I'm like, I just need to call my mom. Like, I just need to call my me do that?
And she was like, okay, I'll call her right now. a phone. I give her mom's number and she picks up. And at this 2 a.m., o'clock in the morning. And she's like, AJ, what's going on? Why are these people calling me? Like, okay? And I'm just
Listen, I'm just paralyzed from the waist down. no, sorry, I didn't say that. I said, I just can't feel my legs. She was like, I was like, I just can't feel my legs. And she's like, what, you can't feel your legs? I'm like, listen, mommy, I can't feel my legs, but it's okay. God has a plan and everything's gonna be okay. All I want you to do is come to the hospital. God has a plan, trust me, mommy. And I just ended and bye. And I
Joey Pontarelli (15:07)
My goodness, man. There's so much there. One, I don't think I could have reacted as as you did. I don't know if anyone could have. That's like beautiful. It's clearly like grace, like you said.
AJ De La Rosa (15:17)
Well, yeah,
it It was all God. There's no way I don't. Sometimes I still think about it till this day and I don't like this.
Joey Pontarelli (15:26)
Yeah, no,
I mean, it's beautiful. I, I can't imagine. So was it like, you said it was like 15 minutes of just like hell. Like you were just like in pain and you were just afraid and were reacting the way they were, like you said. My goodness. And then how long were you in the car until they got you out? I was curious from like the moment of the accident to the moment.
AJ De La Rosa (15:46)
So I was in the car for maybe like 20 minutes. At least it felt like 20 minutes. I'm pretty sure it was And by the way, I have a broken back at this point. And the way that I was in the car was my head, I don't know if you've ever been in a Tesla, but the Tesla screen in the middle. So windshield was over and the screen in the here on my neck. So all I could do is go like this.
Joey Pontarelli (15:47)
Okay, well.
AJ De La Rosa (16:13)
completely broken. My back was literally completely broken, so I couldn't move my back. So if I was holding myself up with my hands on the center console a little bit, holding myself up with my hands, let go, and if I didn't use my arms anymore, my back would have just completely caved in. Yeah, so I was holding myself up and to keep my if not, it would have just...
Completely, so I was holding myself up for 20 minutes with all these bad thoughts But then after the 15 minute mark That's when everything kind of got better and then five minutes waiting for them to get to get me out of the car and they had to use The machine to get me out So they had to cut the seat and slide me out to make sure that my back didn't get worse than what it what it could have been
Joey Pontarelli (16:56)
They cut the top off the car too probably to
pull you out or something like that.
AJ De La Rosa (17:01)
they didn't cut the top, no, they didn't cut the top of the car, but they just cut the seats. But while they were cutting the seat, they were using like, was like going, and it hit me right in the rib one time. And yeah, it was kind of devastating. like after the accident, it was hard to breathe for like a week or two. Yeah.
Joey Pontarelli (17:10)
No.
my goodness, gosh, wow. That's like a whole nother thing.
My goodness. Okay. So you were in the backseat where you're buckled.
AJ De La Rosa (17:25)
So I wasn't buckled. North Park, it's a park next to where my university is and it's literally a minute away in a car. And Ave Maria, for the people that don't know, it's like, it's a neighborhood. Like Ave Maria is a neighborhood and the driver just decided to a 25. So yeah.
Joey Pontarelli (17:46)
Yeah, there's like people riding bikes around. I've been there. There's people riding
bikes around. There's like carts. It's like super chill. It looks like the Truman show. It's like super, if you guys have seen that movie, but it's super like, you said, like a small town and people are not going fast. So this is like an anomaly. Wow. So.
AJ De La Rosa (18:06)
And not only that, it's at 1 a.m. So there's no cars around. Yeah.
Joey Pontarelli (18:06)
Snowen, yeah, my goodness. All right, well,
there's so much here I wanna dive into.
Joey Pontarelli (18:13)
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Joey Pontarelli (18:52)
I am curious, so you arrived to the hospital. So this sense of peace came over you about 15 minutes in and then roughly what, five minutes later they got you out. What other emotions hit you after that period or during that, following that 15 minute period? I'm curious, were you?
angry were you afraid or was it truly just like all peace?
AJ De La Rosa (19:14)
after the 15 minutes, yeah, so after the 15 minutes, literally wasn't afraid. I knew everything was going to be okay. Like in a sense, like it was very weird at the moment because I go from crying to just automatic, just like overwhelming peace I can't even Like I didn't really mention it, but in the ambulance, I was
when the firefighters were taking me out of the car, they had to rip one of my favorite sweaters. And they ripped it because they had a, I don't know why they had to rip it to be honest, but they ripped my sweater. And I literally told them like, no, not my favorite sweater. And a lot of things bigger in life than a sweater. And I was like, it's still my favorite sweater. So I mean,
Joey Pontarelli (20:01)
Come on.
AJ De La Rosa (20:04)
I was just, I just had, I don't know, it was just unwavering, like, just peace. Like, I couldn't control it. Like, I was just happy and I just knew everything was gonna be okay. I literally knew AJ, like, everything's gonna be okay. And that's what I felt.
Joey Pontarelli (20:18)
gift. That's
it's just like, there's no words to put to this. It's such an incredible story. you show up to the hospital. What happened then?
AJ De La Rosa (20:28)
I show up to the hospital and I think this the best stories but I get there and I don't remember anything. Literally nothing. Can't remember a single thing. The doctors.
Joey Pontarelli (20:38)
One thing I wanted to add, like you weren't like drunk or
high or anything, like you were completely sober. Cause people listening maybe are thinking like, maybe he's like, toxic.
AJ De La Rosa (20:45)
no, no, yeah, I know. Yeah.
No, no, I've never like smoked anything or anything like that. I mean, I do drink a little bit, but at that time, since the volleyball tournament ended so late, I, there was no way I could have even had that many drinks to even be like intoxicated. I mean, I had like a baby or drink. I was like just one drink just to hang out, but never got absolutely like drunk or anything like that. don't know. Yeah. No, yeah.
Joey Pontarelli (21:09)
Totally. Okay. No, I just want to clarify that for anyone listening. was like, maybe he wasn't experiencing peace.
Maybe it's just intoxicated. But so, okay. So you arrived at the hospital. Sorry to cut in.
AJ De La Rosa (21:14)
No. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Yeah. So yeah, I arrived to the hospital. I don't really anything because of the amount of drugs that they were giving me because I the pain was so bad. I just needed all the and all the drugs that I could get because they were going to airlift me, but they ended up taking me on an ambulance and I had to just deal with every single bump. Like the car was leaving Ave and
There was just so many bumps. Every time I hit a bump, it was like, ow, like, ow, like every time. Yeah, then I ended up going to the hospital. anything, because all the drugs. And the only thing was woke up, this a doctor or not, but this lady comes into the room and she has a screen and she rolls the screen in of my bed.
my parents are on the left and there's a priest that was at Auburnbury University. foot of my bed and the lady comes in and she's like, listen guys, I'm sorry son, your spinal cord is and you're never gonna walk remember I I look at her and I'm like, not even like if you give me 1 %
Like I said, all I I need is 1%. And she said, nope, sorry son, your gonna walk again. She said exact same thing again. And I literally told her, I looked at her and I I believe in miracles. And I just went back to sleep.
Joey Pontarelli (22:47)
goodness. Okay, and so your parents were there at that point too I imagine and so that was probably a crazy experience for them but wow. long were you in the hospital for?
AJ De La Rosa (22:54)
Yes.
So I in that hospital I was in there for two days, like one night, like two was in there for two nights. And in total for one month.
Joey Pontarelli (23:07)
and you had to go through different
surgeries.
AJ De La Rosa (23:12)
So I had one surgery, everything went well. And then I had a couple procedures after, but it wasn't like It was more of like a so it was like one surgery and like two procedures. And then I was as well.
Joey Pontarelli (23:26)
Did it become
more real when you were leaving the hospital, I imagine, in a wheelchair this was kind of the reality now? Was there any sort of hit you in the face moment then?
AJ De La Rosa (23:35)
I think the hit me in the face moment doing rehab. When you go into a place you look at these and you're just like, you're in a hospital and you go into this place where there's just whole bunch of other people in wheelchairs and a couple other people that also just went through the same exact injury and they're trying to And you go from being a college soccer player
to trying to sit up and you can't even sit up. Because you used to use your legs for everything and you can't even use your legs. So I was watching the videos of my rehab I could even put on a shoe. So I think that was a in the face and then also noticing when you're in these hospitals and you actually need a button to open the door. So I hit in the face moment when I realized I actually do need handicap parking.
Joey Pontarelli (24:19)
Yeah.
AJ De La Rosa (24:28)
I actually do need to press a button to open the door for me if it's too heavy. So it's like little things like that and just to think that, I mean, you would never ever think in your life that you would ever be in a wheelchair and you have to get fitted for a wheelchair.
Joey Pontarelli (24:29)
Yeah.
Super humbling and
and really like a major loss like I wanted to talk to you a little bit about like grieving and all and that was part of the reason I just asked that one question because I think like so often all of us whether it was like a major injury or you know like with my audience your parents getting divorced or your family just being super dysfunctional a very serious like sense of like I lost something I was deprived of something that was like supposed to be in my life or something that was in my life and then it was taken away
AJ De La Rosa (24:45)
Yeah.
Joey Pontarelli (25:07)
And what that often requires is, well, it kind of happens to us and then we can kind of cooperate with it as like grieving, as kind of learning to accept that loss and going through any and all of the emotions that come along with it, which often are like anger and sadness and just kind of, like you went through like denial of like, can't believe this is happening. So there's some other stages too, yeah, I'm just curious, like, what was that process like for you? Was there like a grieving process for you and how did you experience that?
AJ De La Rosa (25:36)
So I think the grieving like the amount of grace like God gave me the accident, like there was no really grieving. I really enjoyed life and I was happy. But I think it came where
the hospital and I realized like I would see all my friends playing a sport and I'm like, wow, like I really wish I could play right now. the simple things of like going to a place that's packed or even like going to a sports event and you have to just wait in a line because you have to wait to get a certain ticket. I part of the grieving where at that point I'm just like.
I just want to be like normal, you know what I mean? Like I want to just sit in a this special treatment. it's it's like, it's like things like that that I think are the hardest part rather than the actual grieving that I'm in a Because ever since that moment in the I knew that this was God's plan this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Right? So it wasn't really about the physical grieving or anything like that. It was more of just like,
the mental griefing, knowing that I cannot ever have this type of job, right? Like it won't be like, you know, it's just, so it's like like that where I think that was the mental like blocks where you get where you're just like, you're out watching your brothers play in a soccer game and you're just like, like, I wish I could just play. So I think it's like that, yeah.
Joey Pontarelli (27:06)
Okay, no, that totally makes sense. And I could totally see how
kind of like normal everyday things, not being able to do them would be hard. I imagine, at least initially, I know you're very independent now, but the loss of independence, needing to rely on other people, like I can't imagine how hard that was. I would struggle so much with that.
AJ De La Rosa (27:24)
yeah, I mean, it's, so humbling when you have to go to Publix and or a shopping store or like literally any place that you need to go and get something. And something is all the way at the top, like, like the top shelf or there's a hanger all the way at the top or whatever. Like, you know how humbling it is. Like it really humbled me that I have to just talk to a random person and be like, Hey, like
I kinda need your help, can you help me get that bag of chips up there? So it literally happens to me every day where because I feel like as men, and as a man, you wanna just do it yourself. I just have to be humble and just let it go. And even using the While I was in the hospital, There was times where like...
I would use the restroom everywhere on the bed and random nurses would just come and pick everything up for me. And it's just so humbling. It was kind of embarrassing, at the same time, I would just like, I'll take it in. I'm like, all right, I just have to about it. I need help. It is what it is. Or even asking somebody to hold the door for you. Something that simple. like, it's kind of hard, but it's good.
Joey Pontarelli (28:34)
Yeah, no, I follow you man and gosh you've handled it with such poise
and grace I was curious, I think a lot of people are thinking this now, what about anger? Like did you have anger at God? Did you have anger at the guy who was driving the car? what was that like for you?
AJ De La Rosa (28:54)
So I think the anger aspect of it, I've never been like ever in my I don't think I've ever gotten like, I could get mad at people, a lover and like, I get mad at them, I'm just gonna end up like forgiving them after, like even if it's like an hour after, like I can never hold on up to a grudge.
or anything like that, like I'm it used to happen with my family all the time where if they get mad at me or I get mad at them, I always try to just make it up as fast as possible because I just like, I'm just a lover. But so I never really had anger and I just feel like that was never really like my personality. I was never like an angry person. I was just kind of go with the flow, and just happy.
Joey Pontarelli (29:25)
awesome.
Yeah, no, makes sense. Okay. even, I know you've said
multiple times, when it comes to like anger at God, like you didn't really, one, you didn't really see this as like this bad thing, which I think a lot of people would be tempted to see it that way. You even mentioned that it was like the best thing that happened to you. That's confusing for a lot of people. Would you explain that a little bit? Like how is this thing that was arguably traumatic, very traumatic, I would say, left you with this major injury.
would that be the best thing that's ever happened to you?
AJ De La Rosa (30:06)
So one thing I would say, me, so I'm just gonna say a little quick story. Me and my dad got about a month after the hospital. We were in the kitchen, my dad was cleaning up and had dinner and he was cleaning up the dishes and stuff and all my brothers are around and we're there just like talking and somebody said like, well the hospital was such a bad, like.
Like don't even remind me of the hospital. Like I don't even want to think about it. was just so, like it was literally so bad. my dad was saying that. And we were like, and I kind of felt a little offended. I was like, like, what do mean? Like, why is it bad? And he was like, AJ, you were literally paralyzed. You had people having to pick up all your poop. You had, you couldn't walk. We had to help you. We had to sleep there.
on the couch for you every night. I had missed so many days of work, was hurting, I have to ask so I have a question
would you want me to not be in a wheelchair right now, but you keep the same faith as what you had Or I'm in a wheelchair right now and you have I think maybe the faith that you have now. And it's because he always used to say like, wow, this accident, we're all fit, like we've all gotten closer to God. So I asked him that. I was like, that for me. was like,
you stupid? Like, this is an easy answer. Like, obviously I would want you to be I looked at him and I told him, I mean, that shows me where your faith is now. we were at the hospital.
We've changed so many people's lives through my accident. Like I've changed a lot of people's lives and I'm not trying to just like flex or people have gotten closer to God because of my And God did that for a reason. We met so many people. There has been to God. People have been praying for us. We've built a and it was just so good.
Like how could you not, like I honestly believe it was probably one of the best times of my life. Like there's so many conversions, so many people getting closer to God. People would go up to my dad and say, I haven't prayed a single day in my life and I've been praying for your son Like that is just something that I would be happy for the rest of my that person had a connection with God through my accident, because of my accident.
Joey Pontarelli (32:41)
Wow.
AJ De La Rosa (32:46)
I really believe that's why God chose me. And that's why I think I was so happy. It was a great time. I got closer to God and my faith grew. So why would I be mad at that? Like, it was a great time. I grew closer to God.
Joey Pontarelli (32:55)
Yeah. Wow. Okay. No, it's incredible. It's a beautiful perspective.
And remember you sharing with me just how you've been able to help other people. You'd mentioned that briefly. Let's go into that a little bit. So like, what good have you seen come from this maybe in your life and the lives of other people? You already mentioned a few things, but I'm just curious if there are any stories of, you know, where it's like so clear of like, wow, like this person was transformed or changed like you had mentioned.
AJ De La Rosa (33:23)
So one I mean my brother he was um, I mean he Not trying to put him on the spot, but he wasn't the best Person and when it comes to virtue he had a lot of vices I mean he had some virtue but he just wasn't living a life of faith and a life that God like to be honest and after my accident he was kind of in the middle part where he was dating this girl and
He didn't know if he wanted to marry her or not. He was trying to see if he wants to get engaged or not. And after this accident, ended up having a huge conversion ended up getting married March 1st and literally they got married in the church. She wasn't even a believer and she became a Catholic. is a really crazy story but.
had to do with my aunt. She ended up having like, it was like a huge miracle kind of thing where there was this random lady that came to her work and said, do you know somebody that's paralyzed? And my aunt worked at a bank and she was like one of the heads of the bank. And she was so confused when this random lady came to her office. I walked by her office saying my back hurts and I can't feel my legs. And the lady sits down she looks at my aunt and says, do you know somebody that's paralyzed? And my aunt is like, what?
Like, what are you talking about? She's like, yes, he was in a car accident and he's close to somebody that you love, which is my mom. My aunt and my mom were like really, really, really close. And she keeps she says, don't worry, his faith is gonna save him. And one day he's gonna wake up in the middle of the night having the urge to use the restroom and he's gonna get up and And he's gonna use his wheelchair for testimonies. And.
She said this and she's crying. She's like, what do you mean? You know he's gonna walk? Like she's like crying because she can't believe it. This is like two months after my accident. And then she looks at her and she says, and you, you have something too. The doctor told you don't drink coffee and don't eat rice. You have an eye doctor appointment next Tuesday. And all this stuff that this random lady that my aunt has never met in her life was getting this information. And my aunt is just there like, what is going on? How does she know I have an eye doctor appointment next Tuesday and that the doctor said to do this?
Joey Pontarelli (35:32)
the heck.
AJ De La Rosa (35:44)
She looks at my mom and she says, make sure that the medicines that she's giving you or that the doctor is giving you are correct. Make sure and tell the doctor to switch them. She goes to the eye doctor appointment She doesn't tell the They finish the procedure and by odds, eyes become absolutely bloodshot red because they messed up the dosage of the one was supposed to be the other one and they had to switch it.
She ends up converting and she ends up going to church that after that day, she's never seen her again. And at the bank before that, she used to be known as the She my aunt, said this stuff. My aunt was crying, Dr. Poemendga happens. happen to her eyes. She ends up converting, starts going
Joey Pontarelli (36:35)
Wow.
AJ De La Rosa (36:36)
she passed away.
that was her conversion. God wanted this accident to happen for her to have that have that messenger. I believe that that was to tell her and to help her get back to her faith and to show like I feel like in a way like God sometimes he shows like right he gives you like two of the time Mary Elizabeth.
Yeah, it's Elizabeth, right? Yeah. And that Elizabeth is also going to have a baby as well, just to show that this is true. Right. And I feel like, know. don't know if that lady, to my aunt's funeral. When I go to the funeral, there's a lot of her, like coworkers there and I asked them, it's like, I'm AJ and
Has that lady ever came back? Do you guys know who she is? And they literally look at me like, oh, you're AJ. Wow. Like, yeah, your aunt loved you so much. She could like she converted this, that blah, blah. And she pretty much said like, yeah, that lady was a crazy lady. We caught her the crazy lady and we haven't seen her since. So I so that was like Like, I'm like, for a reason. And if I would do it all over again from to know that my aunt could go to heaven
Joey Pontarelli (37:39)
Hmm.
Hmm.
Wow.
Joey Pontarelli (37:55)
If you come from a divorced or broken family, or maybe you know someone who does, we offer more resources than just this podcast. Those resources include things like a book, free video courses, speaking engagements, a free assessment, online community, and much more. All of our resources are designed to help you heal from the trauma that you've endured and build virtue so you can break that cycle and build a better life. And so if you want to view those resources for yourself or someone that you know, just go to restoredministry.com slash resources, or click on the link in the show notes.
AJ De La Rosa (38:23)
any of my family.
Joey Pontarelli (38:23)
No, it's beautiful.
AJ De La Rosa (38:24)
family members could know?
Joey Pontarelli (38:25)
you've shared so many other things that we don't have time to go into everything, but I remember being asked to like basically in the hospital who had gone through a just like your ability to like give them hope when they're at like the lowest point in their lives. Like that was really beautiful. Maybe I'm mixing up some of the details, but I know that was the gist of
And so just like, so it sounds like there's like almost like miracles happening because of this, like that flow from it. It's amazing. so much more I'm sure we could say, but I'm sure everyone's wondering like, did the dream part come true that she had mentioned?
AJ De La Rosa (38:48)
Yeah.
Joey Pontarelli (39:01)
Okay.
AJ De La Rosa (39:02)
so the but I mean, I mean, I know I'm gonna walk one day and I know it's gonna happen. And a lot of people would probably say, I mean, the doctors told me it was severed. I go to the next hospital, not even airlifted again. I drive two and a half hours with a broken back to Miami. And we do a surgery there because my mom didn't like the way how they said like, never gonna walk again, it's severed.
and then they were gonna wait to give us a surgery like three days after the accident. So we ended up transferring to and Jackson Memorial and and then my mom literally asked the doctor, will he walk again? Like, is there a chance please? And the doctor says, it will be impossible for me to tell you that he will never walk again. His spinal cord It was just completely crushed. And.
I just find it crazy how it went from severed, I say I believe in miracles, two hour drive with a broken back to Miami and it goes from being severed to completely crushed and then impossible for me to tell you that you will never walk again. And now at this time in my life, I am walking with two hand crutches. So all, it's all God.
Joey Pontarelli (40:15)
So cool, so beautiful. man. Yeah, your story
is so amazing. I wanna give people more detail on what life is like now for you, but I wanna go back a little bit more talk a little bit about forgiveness. So I was curious if that has been a struggle for you. Maybe it hasn't, that's okay. what's forgiveness been like for you? And did you need to kind of forgive your friend who was driving or was it something that was easy? I'm curious where you're at with that.
AJ De La Rosa (40:42)
So, been, I mean, very I mean, by the grace of God, like, it's just been, like, so easy. I went I mean, I didn't really text him. I would So, once we got back to school the next semester, I kind of heard talks of maybe he's gonna come back, maybe he's not, because he was going through a lot of hell.
I can only imagine how anybody would how anybody could go through the fact that they made a mistake and somebody's caused, like somebody's having to deal with it, being paralyzed, you know? So he ended to school and at first I would drive around trying to just do my regular daily stuff and I noticed him one day and I was gonna go to him but he ended up walking the other way and the next time I saw him I was like, all right, I'm not letting him walk away from me.
And I rode up to him and I have like a little scooter on my wheelchair and I rode up to him and I was like, Chris, I want you to let you know, like I've been praying for you and I love you. And I know this might sound crazy, but thank you. Thank you for going that fast. And thank you for everything. Like God loves you and I love you. So don't worry about it no more. Like it's okay. Like So I mean, that's, I mean, he's really the only person I would have
And I just felt like it was easy because I know he made a everybody makes mistakes in their life. We can't just like ruin and like make them feel worse, you
Joey Pontarelli (42:07)
That's amazing and such a beautiful exchange that you had. I know a lot of people
struggle to forgive or they maybe never even got the opportunity because they're estranged from the person. So I'm really glad. And I bet that affected him. I don't know if you want to go into it further. It's okay if not, but I bet that affected him. Did he receive that well?
AJ De La Rosa (42:28)
no, yeah, he I mean, at he didn't think I was actually going go up to him and he ended up receiving it. And we ended up talking again after. And I kind of went more in what I meant when I like with what I was saying, because like I could only imagine him hearing thank you for everything. It was So I ended up talking to him again. But ever since that moment, it's like before that, it seemed like he was scared.
like to walk around campus, especially the semester before. And after I spoke to him, he became like more outgoing, talking to more people, and he just, he looked a lot better. And when I had that second conversation with him, it was even better. And then he was back to his regular self. At least that's what it seemed like to everybody.
Joey Pontarelli (43:10)
Yeah, no beautiful. mean, even that alone, man, it's like a miracle. Cause I know, you know, there's obviously countless
stories of people doing something they regret then carrying that weight on them maybe not getting forgiven. Maybe the person that harmed, carries a lot of anger toward them and unforgiveness. And know, that could take a toll as well. So it's like really beautiful that you were able to have that conversation, those conversations with him and just kind of resolve that. So, so good. So many lessons there.
you have managed to avoid falling into victim mentality. I know this is something that a lot of people today struggle with and I've been there myself where we, some bad happens to us and we tend to make that our identity and we tend to get like stuck and hoping maybe someone will come in and rescue us or just blaming the world, blaming everyone for our plate and not really doing anything
you know what victim mentality is, but just for everyone listening, such a big problem in our day. And so I'm curious, how have you struggled with that perhaps and how have you overcome it?
AJ De La Rosa (44:13)
So one thing I would say is that like with the victim mentality is that we're all gonna go through right? So we're all at some point in this victim mentality, right? So we all go through suffering and.
When I was in like ICU hospital, like of course, like when everybody visited me, I could have had that like victim mentality. But of the toughest, like the easiest things for me the toughest, the easiest thing was just look at the person that has had it, the has had the worst suffering and Why should I be complaining about me being paralyzed died on the cross for me?
So I think it was just more of having that perspective where I don't have it that bad. be a victim? I would go in the hospital and go to rehab and I see people that are not but they're, not paraplegics, but they're quadriplegics and they can't move their hands the right way.
So everybody, there's always gonna be that one has it worse than you. So why should I complain about it? Or why should I let that, why should I have that mentality when there's somebody that has it so much more worse than I do? I do not have it that bad. I'm actually grateful. Like when I was there and I saw people that couldn't move their fingers or on their arm muscles and I have all that, so why should I complain? I think it was just more of just like giving it to God. I think.
when you do it for somebody else it makes it a lot better.
Joey Pontarelli (45:39)
And I know you had mentioned elsewhere humility and humor have played
a role as well. Talk about that.
AJ De La Rosa (45:47)
Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, I I mean, you just gotta joke about it. Like, I mean, I'm in a wheelchair. I understand it. Like, I can't like, whenever people like make jokes about it, you just gotta laugh. Like, it's funny and...
I mean, I used to make jokes like that before I was in a wheelchair and look at me now, I'm in a wheelchair now. So now I actually enjoy when people give me those jokes. And it's just like, if you don't live with humor, then everything's You just won't be happy. Like you just have to have humor and humility. Like exactly like seeing these people in rehab, having someone open the door for me. You know what I mean? It's just like the small things like that where
Joey Pontarelli (46:19)
Yeah.
AJ De La Rosa (46:30)
could easily, like something like that could easily just ruin somebody's day. mentality, you could just ruin it. you know what I mean? So it's like, you just gotta live your life. Just let it go. I mean, that's kind of, I'm very nonchalant, so I'm just like, if it's just not meant to be, then it's just not meant to be, you know? And sometimes I'm like,
Joey Pontarelli (46:31)
easily.
AJ De La Rosa (46:51)
People can't see me because I'm so low to the ground. So when they're looking around, they can't really see me. if I ever ask for somebody to open the door, they kind of just keep going. I'm just like, that's OK. They didn't see me. And they just go in. So I feel like you have to live your life with humor
Joey Pontarelli (46:58)
Yeah, I love it. No, great principles, great virtues, I guess we could say. there any
books or podcasts or content that was especially helpful for you in the midst of all this suffering?
AJ De La Rosa (47:16)
there wasn't really no content or books or anything like It was more And I think that is just what really helped me. and every single person I've ever met in during that time they contacted me, which was crazy. And...
Like I think community is so important. Like if anybody's ever going through like suffering or depression, like, or just not happy, if you get in a community that entire life. We ran a soccer organization when I was a nonprofit soccer organization with over 600 kids.
My dad did it. He said, I'm going to be the commissioner of the league. And I cried. I'm like, what? We're losing time. we're a family. And I was younger. was like, what do mean? Our weekends, we're never going to be able to go places. Our whole life is ruined. You're going to be the commissioner of the league. We're not going to have no time to have fun with you anymore.
And now, like about two years before my accident, he stopped doing the league and really sad. I was like, dang, you're giving it up. Like that's kind of and we would have never been in that community and serving people, we would have never gotten the amount of love that we've gotten after my accident.
And I feel like that was something that was just like so important to me, the community, the amount of like kids that I didn't think knew me, but they knew me. And before games, they would say AJ on three, AJ on three, and say my name, like before their games. Like girls I've never met before in my life, but I feel like that's why community is so important. My best friends that came and visited me in the hospital, like.
everywhere that came and visited me, wrote to me, it was so nice to just know that I was loved. Because I think we all forget that we're all loved. You know, it could be that one person that loves you, but with something like this, it could just
Joey Pontarelli (49:12)
Yeah, no, I love that. And such a beautiful principle to like the community principle of the love principle, but also
just this idea that like when you give good things, you do good for people kind of ends up coming back to you in so many real ways. I know some people would call it karma or whatever, but I it's just such a real part of life that if you just try to help people and do good to them, then they'll return the favor. They'll help you. even if it's something like way down the road, it's really beautiful. it in my life too.
What if someone's listening right now and they're like, suffering a lot I went through an injury or trauma or anything that is really affecting them pain suffering in their lives they're not really sure how to build community. They kind of understand like yeah, I need people around me to love curious like what steps would you recommend that they take to kind of add that into their life?
AJ De La Rosa (50:02)
say is there's a community for literally everyone, right? Like might think that you're alone, but there really is a for everybody. Like when I first got into the wheelchair, there was for a whole bunch of people that are in wheelchairs and they would have groups every day. But I think you just have to be open
feel like with everything in life, you just have to just completely be open to it and know it's gonna work out. And if it's not the community for you, there's other ones, right? And I just feel like you really have to be open to it. And once you become open to it, that's when I really believe that there'll be a lot of gifts that come from I wasn't to my the commissioner of the soccer league, doing it. And...
I kind just did it because he was doing it and it ended up being probably one of the most best things in my life. open to it, let it go. I mean, if you're not religious, there's still going to be gifts that come from it. And if you are, God's going to work through you. So.
That's I think that's what I would say, because I mean, just you just have take a chance. You have to. I mean, even with my friends from like, remember what I said earlier, I thought homeschool kids were weird and my best friends here in Ave were homeschooled. I took a chance because I really enjoyed hanging out with them. And if I were to told my friends back home, yeah, all my friends now are are homeschooled. They would all question me.
Joey Pontarelli (51:14)
so funny.
He
And they're normal.
AJ De La Rosa (51:31)
And I just, yeah, I just took my, I just took a chance and it's not really taking a chance, but I became really close friends with them and now they're gonna be my friends for life. So, yeah.
Joey Pontarelli (51:36)
That's so good. No, I love that. So many good pieces of advice. couple of things from my experience, if it's okay, I wanted to add was,
I think when it comes to community, I think that openness piece is so huge, because sometimes we get closed off. And I think so often, community that maybe you need is often, not always, often like right in front of you in some ways. I think so often we get closed off to like the people around us, the people that we maybe see, you know, at school or.
at work or at the gym or at church, wherever. Of course, we want high quality people, people who are gonna call us on to live good, virtuous So wherever those people are, instead of maybe longing for something like, I don't know, abstractly out there somewhere, it's like try investing in those relationships. get a meal group of people that you know them over and cook for them or just hang out, get coffee, go on a walk, do something.
that would kinda strengthen those relationships. one of the things that was so helpful for me growing up was just understanding that as humans, we really just bond in one of two Through conversations like we're having through experiences, through doing things together. That's And so, in what ways can you have some conversations, and what ways can you do some experiences? And one of the things with conversations I've learned is,
kind of this core, like foundational skill is just asking good questions. You don't need to be able to be a savant at conversations, but you just learn how to ask some good questions. it's amazing, like if you ask good questions, like people will give like pretty amazing answers. That's one thing. And then when it comes to experiences, I've learned that, have to obviously find the balance between doing things maybe that you wanna do and doing things that other people wanna do. And so I think that's really beautiful if you can find the common ground and then do those things together.
AJ De La Rosa (53:07)
Yeah, for sure.
Joey Pontarelli (53:15)
And I know this stuff is like basic common sense, but I think it's been so helpful for me, especially when I was growing just understand like these are how relationships are built. This is how community is built. we don't need to go of find it elsewhere, travel the world or whatever. You can actually like kind of blossom like wherever you're planted. Anything you'd add to that?
AJ De La Rosa (53:37)
No, yeah, I mean, I totally agree. I the way I met that I've built community with, it's what things that like, I mean, I guess what I could say is.
whatever you like in your life, there's a community for it. And like, I was a soccer player, my community was a whole bunch of other people that played soccer. My friends now, I love sports, they love sports, and we just grew together. And the more you hang out with somebody, the more you're gonna get closer with them. It's just the way it is.
Joey Pontarelli (54:01)
So good, so good, no. I think this is helpful, especially for someone who's maybe feeling stuck and they're like, I need that community, I know but
they maybe haven't done it. And the final thing I would just kind of challenge people to would be to actually act. Don't just think about this. Hopefully this advice is helpful, if you're looking for a specific community around maybe some suffering you've been through, do some Google searches, search on YouTube, whatever it looks like. Ask people in your life if they're aware of anything like that.
Or if it's more basic, like with friends, text someone, call someone, get something set up, get something on the calendar. It really could be as simple as that. I know there's sometimes kind of barriers in our minds, but I think we need to push through those things to make this happen. And when we do, I've found is even sometimes I'm like, I don't know if I really want to go put all the effort into go see friends or do this thing or that when I do, I'm always grateful. I'm always happy that I spent good quality time with people that I care about. So anyway.
That's a challenge for everyone listening a struggle for AJ, there's so much more we could talk about. I'm curious if you would kind of like close the story and just let us know like what is life like for you now? I know there's a lot of cool things happening in your life. So tell us a little bit about are you medication free and are you still doing therapy? I'm curious about all that.
AJ De La Rosa (55:20)
So my life now, mean, from the beginning of my accent to now, it is like literally completely different. I was watching videos and like, like remember like little stuff earlier, like I and just all that stuff. Like it's just so much easier. I live completely independent. So I could cook on my own, do everything on my own, take showers, use the restroom, everything on my own. Medication, the only medication I really take is like,
just like ibuprofen or something like that, but I was on medication for my nerve pain. I still go through a lot of suffering with like nerve pain, stomach problems and just different things, but everything has been slowly getting better. I have more movement in my legs. I could pretty much use all my muscles for my knee up.
And I'm still missing my calf muscles and like my foot muscles, but from the knee up, could, I could pretty much move everything. So at that point, all I need is just more maybe some physical therapy to help me just keep growing that are like my thighs, hamstrings and stuff like that. But yeah, I mean, life is great. I'm getting married my fiance is going to be graduating and give more talks and.
playing golf now. I can play golf. I have a machine that helps me play golf. So I'm pretty active in the way of, I love sports. So I'm so just trying to keep playing sports and hang out with friends and do all the normal things a do.
Joey Pontarelli (56:40)
so good and congrats on the engagement and upcoming marriage. I'm super pumped for you and yeah just excited
to see where the rest of your story brings you and I know you're getting more into like speaking at schools and churches and places like that so anyone listening make sure to check AJ out definitely worth bringing him in and know especially if there's I know eventually you might into this maybe I'm teasing it too much
into mentoring people who are suffering. So I think there's something there to be said too. So if people want to find out more about you and what you offer, could they go? How could they contact you?
AJ De La Rosa (57:17)
So, mean, on Instagram, AJoftherose, which of the roses, like Della Rosa, that's my last name, but it's AJoftherose on Instagram and on YouTube and pretty much on everything. It's just AJoftherose. And you can contact me there by even just sending me like a DM and I'm open to talk to whoever. I always answer my DMs if anybody ever needs help or anything like that. yeah, that's pretty much it.
Joey Pontarelli (57:36)
Yeah, man. And we'll put all that in the show notes for you guys so you can reach out to AJ. So good, man. It's been so good talking
with you. I'm just amazed at you and how you've responded to this so well and with just such maturity and grace. Anyway, yeah, I'm that you're in my life and my family's life and my brother's life, especially JP. I you guys are tight. And that's my youngest brother for everyone
And so yeah, thank you. Thank you for being here. And I wanna just give you, yeah, you're the man. This is awesome. yeah, just you're such an inspiring source. It's help a lot of people. So I wanna give you the final word. Like what final advice or encouragement would you offer to someone listening right now, especially someone suffering, whether they went through some major injury or they were just or some sort of suffering right now. final advice and encouragement would you give them?
AJ De La Rosa (58:11)
No, yeah, thank you, Joey. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
is my final words about suffering, going through it is you're not alone. You're literally never And I'm going through suffering. Every single person on this earth goes through And even Jesus Christ himself, my God, our God.
So what I would say is that you're not alone and that if you ever need help, there's always a place that you'd go to and just have humor and humility about it. And literally, Everything's gonna be great. I know that might be hard to understand now,
Joey Pontarelli (59:08)
What an amazing story, what an amazing man. I'm so impressed with if you wanna follow him and learn more from him, go ahead and follow him on social media. You'll find all of his social handles in the show notes. And with wraps up this episode. If this podcast has helped you, feel free to subscribe or follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube. You'll obviously avoid missing future you'll actually help us reach more people by doing that. And if you've already done that, feel free to rate or review the really appreciate that feedback and that also helps the podcast.
closing, always remember you are not doomed to repeat your family's dysfunction. You can break that cycle build a better life and we're here to help. And keep in mind the words of C.S. Lewis who you can go back change the beginning, you can start where you are and change the ending.
