Did They Ever Love Me?

3-minute read.

This story was written by Mickela at 21 years old. Her parents divorced when she was 17. She gave permission for her story to be shared.

HER STORY

It's quite a long story - but my whole childhood involved a lot of abuse between my parents - whether it was sexual abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse... it wasn't until my siblings and I started seeking help that child services and law enforcements came in. When I was 17, my family forcefully had to separate because of the toxic circumstances we were in, which led further into my parents’ separation and then divorce.

HOW THE DIVORCE MADE HER FEEL

Weirdly enough, it was something I always wanted for my parents. Part of me knew that the only way out of this abuse was if either I would leave or my parents would divorce - which only happened later in my life - even after we were all separated into foster homes, my parents would still see each other. It has only been 1 year that they have now officially divorced. It breaks my heart - part of me wanted them to separate, but there is always that little girl inside of me who wishes she could have seen her parents in love, healthy, and be united with her family. At times I even question if I was ever even wanted by them, if they think about me time to time, if it ever crosses their minds about the 6 kids that they had, all 6 being sent into foster homes. Did they ever love me? Was I enough? Through therapy and my walk with Christ, I'm learning that what my parents brought and carried to us does not have to be dragged into my own life - I'm not defined by what I have been through. I must first seek what God says about me!

HOW THE DIVORCE IMPACTED HER

It made me scared to date. Scared that I would end up in a broken marriage, scared that I would repeat those generational cycles I see within both sides of my family - it's a heavy burden to carry. I felt so broken and didn't know where to turn, which then later led me to seek relief through drinking, mutilation and more. I was blessed to be fostered into a family who had a strong relationship with God, and showed me the truth about freedom that I can find within Him. Now that I'm 22, I still carry those wounds, but they don't seem to drag me down like they used to - by surrounding myself with healthy and stable families, I was able to realize that I am in fact not doomed to repeat my parents’ marriage and that there is hope for a brighter future.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS JUST SEPARARTED OR DIVORCED?

Don't pretend like you're fine. Be honest with yourself, with God, with your friends and family members. Hiding or suppressing those emotions and broken-heartedness will only cause big mental explosions later on - and numbness doesn't lead you anywhere good. Reach out to people who can be role models, role parents, people with whom you feel comfortable being at your 100% honest self. Believe that you can do this, that you don't have to carry this pain alone. Do not fear!

WHAT DO YOU THINK NEEDS TO BE DONE TO HELP TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS FROM DIVORCED AND SEPARATED FAMILIES?

Oh my goodness! I could write thousands of paragraphs on this topic - it all depends on the circumstances in which the family is going through. One thing that I realized within my church community is how people tend to back away from divorced couples - which shows that people aren't informed on how to react and support single parents, children of broken or separated homes... People need to be informed, especially within church settings. Church is a home for the broken-hearted families, not only for the perfect settings.

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