#086: The Best of 2022: Restored Podcast Highlights
In this episode, you'll hear six short highlight clips from the podcast in 2022.
This episode, and the podcast as a whole, will help you heal and grow from the trauma of your parents’ divorce, separation, or broken marriage, so you can feel whole again and break the cycle of dysfunction and divorce in your own life.
If you’re new to the podcast, this is the perfect way to sample our content and learn how it will help you. If you’re a longtime listener, this is the perfect episode to share with someone you know who needs to hear it.
Thanks for listening! We do it for you.
Featured Episodes
#078: Ashamed of Your Past? It Doesn’t Need to Dictate Your Future | Crystalina Evert
#063: The Antidote to Trauma | Margaret Vasquez
#082: You Deserve Better than a Broken Life and Relationships | Kailash Duraiswami
#081: What to Do If Fear Holds You Back in Life and Relationships | Dr. Rebecca Showalter, PsyD
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TRANSCRIPT
Transcript produced by artificial intelligence. Please pardon any errors!
Welcome to the Restored Podcast, helping you heal and grow from the trauma of your parents'. Divorce, separation, or broken marriage so you can feel whole again. I'm your host, Joey Pontarelli. Thank you so much for listening. This is episode 86, and to close out the year, my team and I wanted to share highlights of the Resort podcast.
And so you're about to hear six short clips from episodes published this year. And if you're new to the podcast, this is actually the perfect way to sample our content. And if you've been a dedicated listener, first off, thank you so much for listening. Uh, this is really the perfect episode to share with someone you know.
Who needs to hear it. And these episodes you're about to hear are in no particular order. My team and I enjoyed all the episodes that we published, uh, but we obviously couldn't put a clip of every episode in this particular episode. And so, uh, we had to narrow it down and we used popularity feedback and some of the episodes that just stood out to us.
And by the way, after hearing. The clip, uh, you, if you wanna listen to a particular episode in its entirety, but maybe you forgot the episode number, you can just go to the show notes to find it@restoredministry.com slash 86, or you can just click the link and the description. I'll remind you at the end as well.
Our first episode is episode 84 with Sister Miriam James Hyland. It's titled, angry at God, why People From Broken Families Struggle Extra in their Relationship with Him. And in this clip, sister Miriam talks about what makes trauma so damaging and ultimately what heals that trauma. And by the way, just a little background, she mentions part of my story when I was 11 years old, my parents separated and later divorced.
And when my mom broke the news, It really came out of the blue. My siblings and I had no idea that my parents were separating, and it completely overwhelmed me. It shattered my world, and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I just hid in the closet and I cried, and that's what she refers to in this clip.
I agree with you and I, I also think that in that same line of thought that it's. Suffering in communion, which is actually healing. I mean, imagine, just imagine in your story as a little boy when you're in the closet, if somebody in your life that you trusted would've come and sat with you there and just said, Hey, this is really hard and this is awful, and we can be honest about that.
And you know what? I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving you. I'm going to be here for you. I'm gonna give you space for your emotions. I'm gonna let you cry. I'm gonna let you rage. I'm gonna let you feel sorrowful, and I'm not gonna leave you. I'm gonna be here with you. And I think for all of us, if we look at the deepest sorrows, part of the prob, uh, not problem, part of the heartache is that we feel so incredibly alone there.
and that's, I was listening to a a, I was sitting in on a class for trauma experts, many, like a year or so ago, many months ago. And, and there was all these trauma experts like Bessel VanDerKolk and Peter Levine, like all these people that are on the forefronts of like scientific discovery of what heals trauma biologically like in our bodies and.
They were saying that it's actually communion that heals trauma, not modalities, not even, you know, internal family systems or E M D R, like those are modalities. But they said ultimately what heals trauma is communion. And one of the therapists was saying that all of us have these wounds, that they were these primary wounds.
But she said surrounding every wound is a secondary wound. And the secondary wound is having nobody safe to tell it to, of being totally isolated. And so when we look at some of the deepest sufferings of our. Many times those are surrounded by a ring of isolation and a ring of, I'm all alone here, I have to take care of myself.
Nobody cares about me. God has forgotten me. This as good as it's gonna get. Like all those things. And those are very real places where it's like a taste of hell. It's like a taste of hell. And if that, and if that's what's true in our lives, we would do everything we could do to avoid that. And that would make sense, doesn't it?
Like who wants to sit there, but. If God is present there. If God is present there and he's bringing about something far more than I can understand, well then that that opens a little bit of light on something different.
The lesson that love intimacy, friendship. This key to healing trauma is really powerful. So basically a group of people or a person that can walk with us through the pain, through the problems is incredibly healing. But so often there's serious barriers that prevent us from having those relationships, from building those relationships, especially when it comes to our relationship with God.
And for so many of us who come from broken families, we've downright rejected God, or maybe we struggle a lot in our. With him, or maybe we've felt abandoned by him or rejected by him, or like he just doesn't care about us. And if that's you, this episode with Sister Miriam is really gonna help as we talk through those really tough topics.
Like we don't pull away, we don't shy away from those tough questions. And even if you're not Christian or you don't believe in God, uh, you're still gonna benefit a lot from episode 84. Next step is episode 78 with Lina Everett, ashamed of your past. It doesn't need to dictate Your Future. Popular speaker and author, Lina Everett shares in this clip how her parents' divorce and even her grandparents' divorce affected her.
There was a. Stuff it Growing up, the thing is, because I didn't have a father growing up, I really gravitated towards my grandfather. Hmm. And I spent a lot of time over my grandparents' house and because my mom was a single mom and she did her best, I mean, she really did. God bless her. And I had a lot of anger growing up towards my mother.
But being a mom now and being married and stepping outside of this, this situation and kind of looking in now, a lot of it makes sense, right? Yeah. Because when we see our. Acting out or getting angry or yelling, or they're going through their own dysfunction. And as a child, you almost feel like it's your own fault.
You know, or that you're just this burden on your parents because they're having to deal with you or, or you're having to go back and forth between parents. Some of you out there are experiencing that and sometimes you may have felt like a burden and at times I felt like a burden. Right? Yeah. And I never was re like, I felt like I never was affirmed in, you are valued, you are wanted, you are loved, and.
that was hard. Mm-hmm. and I didn't do well as a child in school. I hated school. I was kind of the problem child out of my sister and I, I only had a sister, so it affected me in a lot of different ways. And again, growing up with that, it really, that wound, you start learning to live out of that because that's kind of the home base of where you're living going through that trauma day in and day out.
and always wonderful. Why wasn't I enough for my dad to stay? Why didn't he love me enough? What's wrong with me? You know, why did they break up? Was it my fault? Is it, was it my problem? And these things going on. And then you slowly silence those voices and you just kind of go through the motions, cuz you get used to it, but it's really just causing that deeper wound that you're just shoving down, right?
Mm-hmm. and ignoring coping mechanism. And so I really gravitated towards my grandfather, but he ended up leaving my grandmother. when she was, I think 50, 50 something years old, and I was devastated. So I felt like I went through it all over again of my grandfather leaving and I felt abandoned again because wow, I wasn't enough for him to stay.
I wasn't enough for him to be there, and that broke my heart. And so at that point, I think that's when I really made a personal vow almost of I will never let a man. And love me because all he's gonna end up doing is destroying me. So I'm gonna be confident, strong, smart, amazing woman, and I'm gonna take care of myself and I'm gonna be prepared that if I do get married at the end of the day, I'm gonna have my own bank account, own money, my own, my own wits about me that I'm not gonna have, I'm not gonna be left behind by someone like a piece of trash.
At a 11 years old, I remember laying on the stairs crying, thinking that to. Because my grandmother had to witness how devastating it was for her and I'll, I'll never forget that. And it was so sad watching her cry and sob and, and I didn't fully understand everything cuz I was so young. But at the same time, it really had a deep effect on me.
And at that point, I, I just cut my grandfather off. I won nothing to do with him, so. Mm-hmm. , not just one man left, but two. And my grandfather, I think was even worse because I had a really. Stable relationship with him. And um, even when he did come back to try to have that relationship with me, I just completely rejected him.
I wanted nothing to do, which was hard, but I was so hurt. That's the only thing I knew how to do. And that was the other thing. I trained myself in that woundedness and brokenness just to keep people out. Don't let them in because you're just really gonna end up getting hurt so slowly. It's like you're building that wall up around yourself to protect yourself.
Like you, you keep things out, but you're also keeping so much in too. And you, I couldn't experience that real love for a very long time. It was very hard for me to accept it.
Now, thankfully, Crystal's story doesn't, and they're in that episode. She shares how she's healed, how she's grown, how she's found peace, and the wholeness that she's lunged for. But there's an important lesson in her story. Our wounds cause us to put up walls around her heart, which is completely understandable because it's a self-defense mechanism.
It keeps us safe during perhaps traumatic times in our lives, but later down the road, those defenses become a problem. They prevent us from experiencing the love that we long for. Why is that? Because authentic love isn't possible without vulner. Authentic love isn't possible without vulnerability. And so if we want to experience the love that we've always longed for, we can't push everyone away.
We have to learn to be vulnerable, which requires us to first heal and learn how to take down those defenses. And Christine offers more good advice and inspiration in episode 78. Next up is episode 85 with Layla Miller, how to Build a Beautiful Marriage Despite Your struggles as a daughter of Divorce, an author Layla Miller.
Join me to discuss how women who come from families where the parents are divorced, struggle in unique and often extra ways compared to women who come from a family where the parents are married,
right? So if, if. if you're standing on a firm foundation of your parents having been together. My parents before my father passed away, they were married for 54 years. Hmm. Lots of fights. My dad is a hot-blooded, was a hot-blooded Arab, and my mom was a stoic kind of, you know, with English background and immigrant versus Ohio girl.
A lot of differences. And there were quite a few arguments, you know, and things were very loving. and yet also very volatile at times. So there's, there's this e experience of being in kind of sometimes rocky, rocky days with your parents, and yet there was never a fear. That love ends. There was never a fear that, oh my gosh, what's gonna happen here?
I'm, I'm, I'm kind of careening off, uh, off a cliff. I was very secure. I had no, no issues when they fought, it's like, gosh, that's a bummer. You know, no child likes to see their parents fight, but I knew that divorce was off the table always, and so that security was there. That is priceless. To give that to your child is just, is absolutely priceless.
For the child of divorce, we have an, there's an analogy here in the, in the book, it's, it's like standing on an ice, an ice cap, you know, a, a floating iceberg, and you could kind of navigate that. If it's firm under, you're like, okay, I'm just standing on this. It's, it's a little rocky sometimes when a split or divorce happens, it's like, okay, the ice ice cap breaks the iceberg.
It, you know, and now you've got one foot on one side and one foot on the other, and things start to move and shift and you're really having trouble keeping your balance. And people might see that you're still standing. Okay, look, she's still standing. Look at that. She's doing great, but you're really putting everything into this and, and it is exhausting, and you're scared and you're anxious, and you're afraid you're gonna fall.
And then there might be. , your foundation might have split once, but what if your foundation has split with subsequent divorces? Then you've got, you know, four different ice pieces you're standing on trying to stay afloat st to stay upright. You know, and then some, some pieces might float off, like step grandparents that you loved, but they're gone now.
Or, you know, step-siblings and other parent, you know, stepparents that left. You are navigating so many different things, trying to just stand and it is exhausting all the time. And it can lead to just, again, depression and anxiety. And there's an idea that you're gonna use a coping mechanism that you might have used as a child in your own marriage.
So you're, you're in your marriage and things are, things are happening with your husband. Maybe there's some conflict. You don't know any better than to use these coping mechanisms that might have kept you afloat, right? Yeah. As a child of. But that don't necessarily work when you're talking to a husband, so that's a real problem.
And, and these are self-preservation measures. Things like ignoring problems or trying to minimize things or, or putting up a per a perfect facade, trying to be perfect all the time, or, or isolate cutting yourself off and being very independent. Well, those things aren't gonna work with a husband where there needs to be intimacy and there needs to be friendship and, and, uh, communication and understanding.
So there are all these different things that are happening, and yet you, you, you're, again, you're, you're someone who is, is expected to pull this off seamlessly and you might look good from the outside. It might look like everything's going well, but inside you're just a complete mess and you think that everything is, you know, falling apart and, and inside you might be falling apart.
So, Appearances are deceiving. You know, when people suddenly implode and leave their marriages, a lot of times it's because all of this just blew up and, and they just, they just couldn't maintain this balance anymore. So we have to really be aware that it's normal to have these, these wounds, but we have to give the daughters of divorce the tools.
To overcome those wounds and be able to have the stable marriage so that we can, you know, heal the generations.
Perhaps Layla just described you or described someone you know, and if so, I recommend listening to that episode, shopper's Advice for navigating those unique challenges and healing. Those wounds. And she also touches on what to do. If you're married to someone from an intact family, they might be totally unaware of what you're struggling with.
And by the way, this episode's not just for ladies, it's for men as well. You're gonna benefit a lot from, and again, that's episode 85. Next up is episode 63, the Antidote to Trauma with Margaret Vasquez. What is the antidote to trauma? You might have asked that question. Another way to say it is what is the opposite of trauma?
And Margaret, who's a retired trauma therapist with over. 15 years of experience offers the answer in this clip.
Let's see. I, I use the word antithesis because I see it as like the opposite of trauma. Hmm. Right. If like, trauma is what we are not made for, and so therefore it does damage to us on all different levels, physically, emotionally, spiritually, cognitively, relationally, you know, and the list goes on. Then if that's true of trauma, then connection is that for which we're made and it's really that by which we grow in personal integration.
Like meaning, like our personal sense of self, our really our ability to, to really feel comfortable in our own skin, which is a really big deal. And to be able to relate to others with a sense of starting with the needle on full instead of the needle on empty. Mm-hmm. . So we're really able. To relate from a sense of freedom where it's really, I can engage with you from a place of being filled up first, and so then it overflows to you rather than going into.
each interaction. Really hoping that this desperate need in me somehow gets filled up by this person. And that's just such a, a setup for crazy making, you know? So I see connection is really, uh, what we're made for Becauseso. It's what causes that, that personal integration and that. True peace and joy and freedom between people and relationships and that sense of, of growing union with God.
That clip really just only scratches the surface of the whole relationship framework, the connection framework that Margaret offers, and I definitely recommend checking it out, especially if. Stuck or maybe depleted in your relationships. A lot of good tips and advice when it comes to healing, uh, yourself and your relationships.
Again, that's episode 63. Episode 82 is our next one. It's titled, you Deserve Better Than a Broken Life in Relationships with my friend Kalo de Swami. And so often when we experience trauma, when we're wounded, we act out in ways to numb that pain. That was the story of my friend Kalo. The wounds from his broken family set him on a trajectory in life to live a life of extreme pleasure, of success, of excitement care.
In this clip,
that's the kind of interim. Because then after I graduated college, I moved to Silicon Valley and I was a software engineer, and that's when things really went out of control. Yeah. Because that's when I was starting to make a lot of money and I had much more agency in. My control over my day. Yeah.
Control over my friends. And that's where a lot of those habits and indulgence, indulgent behavior from high school was like 10 x. Yeah. And that's where I had a lot of trouble with. Same thing, a lot of drinking and partying, hard drugs, club drugs, music festivals. I mean, I did everything crazy. You can possibly imagine.
Not many people know about this, but I have tattoos all over my body. You would never believe that. I didn't know that. Yeah, you would never believe that. Yeah. If you knew me, no one could believe that. But I made tons of these irreparable mistakes. Yeah, and I, same thing just meant the, the ultimate pleasure I saw it was the company of women.
Yeah. Ultimate, I mean, That with drugs big time, I just, I had to pursue. I was compelled to pursue that compulsively. I couldn't say no. Yeah, there was, and this is what my existence was and again, professionally things were okay. They, they were great by most metrics. Not to my standard of ambition, but they were very good.
I could support myself in San Francisco, very high rent, no issue. I had a great career as a software engineer, but that fueled. crazy lifestyle. I'm telling you like the most insane experiences you can imagine in Vegas, the most, you know, partying with literally Silicon Valley billionaires. I mean, I've done that.
Yeah, I've been there in an immense pursuit of self-gratification through the pleasure of. what we feel in this world. Mm-hmm. . And that all pointed to a lack of morality. And it pointed to a wound that I had that I, I couldn't, I needed to make myself feel good or this is what I should be doing. This is what successful people do.
This is what the cool kids are doing. You know, all these things are so reverberating in my head. Yeah. And. . I know because I had friends that I grew up with in the same community who were from the same background as I did, who. Had the same professional life, so to, you know, essentially. And they didn't do those things like they could refuse.
I know people I grew up with never drank, you know, very similar family background, didn't drink, didn't do these things. Mm-hmm. . And they could live in a stable way. I could not, like, I could not live in a stable way, whatever weekend it was. It wasn't just that I had to go to the bar with the friends, it was like, no, we.
I mean, I don't even know the legality of it, but basically do a bunch of illicit drugs. Yeah. And there was a lot of stuff that I had, I was compelled to do and I think it points to the wounds of my childhood for sure. Yeah. It was the pain that I felt, the lack of stability, the lack of identity, and I thought very much, and I was, I had the agency very much.
to solve this problem through pleasure. Mm-hmm. , essentially. And that's, that's where I was when I really got to rock bottom, which was when I, I lived with someone and we were in a relationship and we, we met. in college and we would do drugs and we'd party. And she was in a very wounded state and I was in a very wounded state and we were wanted to be together.
Yeah. Forever. And, you know, we committed to each other and blah, blah, blah. And it was, it was terrible. Yeah. I mean that, that's sore and bad combination. Yeah. It was just a, a nexus of, and she's doing great now, by the way. God bless her. I'm actually very happy that she got through it as, But we would, we, we had a friendship based on partying and, and doing drugs.
And then we had a relationship based on it, and it was, it was not, uh, It was a recipe for disaster. We can put it mildly like that. And that's what, that's where I was.
Kala's story is amazing and if you listen to that episode, you'll hear how his life took a major turn. After the 2016 US Presidential election. Surprisingly, it's a really a mind blowing story with tons of great lessons and a lot of inspiration. And if you feel empty or stuck in life, perhaps you're pursuing pleasure, pursuing some way of coping, uh, to just compensate for the wounds you've endured to numb the pain that you're experiencing.
Listen to this episode. You're gonna learn a lot from it. Again, that's episode 82. The final episode is episode 80. One, what to do if fear holds you back in life and relationships with Dr. Rebecca Showalter. And if you wanna heal, if you want to grow, obviously you have to ask the question, how does healing happen?
And that's the question that psychologist Dr. Rebecca Showalter answers in this clip.
Personally, my what's, what makes the most sense for me is, Is to start with how does healing just happen in nature when the human brain doesn't have to get involved and figure it out? How does it happen? And you know, there's tons of evidence for that everywhere. The body can heal itself of physical injuries, mo a lot of physical injuries without intervention.
In fact, Usually what we have to do is get out of the body's way. You know, if there's a significant cut, we just have to make sure that that cut's protected so that it can heal. And we all know those, you know, I grew up with my brother's just a year young. One of my brothers is just a year younger and he and his best friend all throughout our, our adolescents.
Their, their legs were just constantly torn up because they, they would just re itch all these bug bites and all these scars, and they just were forever reopening these wounds, . And of course, as a teenage girl, I just found it so disgusting. I didn't wanna be anywhere near them . It's like if we had to sit next to each other in a car or something, I was just, but that's, that's a good example of we can prevent healing.
Physically, uh, we actually don't do much to make our bodies heal themselves. They it, that's really all there. If the trauma is significant enough, then we do need to intervene. You know, if, if the bone breaks to the degree that it needs to be reset, then we certainly need to, to do that. So it's not, you know, they're, we have ERs for a reason are, we can't, you know, rely on, on the body to be able to heal everything at least quickly enough, you know?
Bleed out first. So that's, so one of the things we wanna do emotionally is, is understand, okay, what do we need? How do we need to protect the natural process that the body goes through? How do we clear away the things that would get involved? And one of the things that gets in, or gets in the way of, of healing is our own defenses.
That early on we learned a system of defenses that are really crucial and helpful to survive different aspects of our childhood, whether it's at the home, whether it's at school, el, you know, anywhere else. We want to be very mindful of, of the defense structures that were necessary as children, but are no longer necessary, in fact, are impacting, impeding, hindering our, our own emotional healing.
So that's one layer of it. The other layer is, another layer is what, what does emotional healing look like? How, how do, when we remove all obstacles, are we prepared for what happens? And this is a difficult area. To heal emotionally, you have to feel, there's no way else through that. You have to do what you weren't able to do at the time.
So, as an example, if a child is, if there's a thunderstorm happening and the child in its right overhead and the booms are loud and the lightning is, is sharp, and you know, lighting up the sky, it's gonna terrify a child the healthiest way for a child to adapt to. Is to feel all that fear as it's happening with and in the presence of, in the arms of the parent or the, or the, the caregiver who can say, I know it's really scary.
It's okay that it's scary. I'm right here. and I'm gonna do everything I can to protect you. And the, the whole idea, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't be angry, don't be angry. All of that trains us that the very thing that we need to heal us is wrong, is bad. So we have to, so we really have to relearn that.
And this is where it gets tricky talk therapy is it can, it can take it, it takes a very skilled therapist, I think, and a very willing client, a, a, a client who's got a lot of motivation to, to really. Persist in retraining somebody's system to feel when they believe that such an odd, such a, a deep, you know, primary consciousness level.
They believe that feeling is not good. Is not safe. They're not actually supposed to feel. So, so there's some reworking there. And I, I'll bring in one more element to this question, which I think is important in psychology. We. Focused on healing, but we're also focused on development. And so one of the leading questions we have when going in working with a client is, how has this person advanced through their own development?
Have they advanced or is there places in ways in which their development has been stunted? Are they underdeveloped? So if you have a lot significant amount of emotional. Abuse, um, that you've been, you know, at the mercy of growing up, most likely you're embedded in a community and around people that aren't emotionally developed themselves or else they, they certainly wouldn't be allowing that environment to be as it is.
And so it's very hard to learn how to develop emotionally around other people who aren't emotionally developed. So part of healing in a way is, is actually. Growing and, and, and developing, thriving. Like for example, I broke my collarbone a few years ago and, uh, for a few months I had to, I, I was protecting it as it was, as it was healing.
And at some point the bone totally healed and, and the muscles were totally fine around it, but my shoulder were still sitting out of place because I had. All the muscles that were supposed to hold it kind of back were, had atrophied, had lost all of their development. So even though healing had taken place, I was unable to to access my potential in my shoulder until I redeveloped those muscles.
So, yeah, so, so heal the question about healing is really important, but the language of development is almost always alongside of it for us.
Again, if you feel stuck in life, I'd propose the idea that your untreated wounds are what's holding you back in. And in order to get unsuck and experience the joy, the freedom, the happiness, the love that you long for, you have to heal. And so listen to episode 81 to get more tips on healing. Again, that's episode 81.
Alrighty, that's a wrap. Again. All the episode numbers from the clips that you heard are in the show notes@restoredministry.com slash 86. You can just click on the link in the show notes, access those if you wanna listen to the whole episodes. Thank you so much for listening and invite you to do two things if you found this content helpful.
Go ahead and subscribe so you're notified when new episodes go live. But most importantly, if you know someone who's struggling from their parents' divorce or broken marriage, send this episode to them. Even now, you can say something like, Hey, I just listened to this and I thought of you. Or, Hey, I thought this might be helpful given everything you've been through in your family.
Go ahead and share this with them. I'm sure they're gonna be grateful for, and by the way, if you're new to ReSTOR, we exist to help people from broken families. To heal and build virtue so they can feel whole again and break the cycle of dysfunction and divorce in their own lives and relationships. And the main way we do that is by producing content that makes healing simple so people actually do it, such as this podcast, books, speaking engagements, workshops, and mourn.
In addition to serving that audience, people whose parents are separated, divorced, or have a really broken marriage, we also provide content and resources for anyone that. Or lead someone from a broken family, such as a, a teacher, a therapist, coach, parent, pastor, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse relative, and so on.
And so you can access our resources@restoredministry.com. Again, restored ministry ministry singular.com to see how we can help you and the people that you love or lead. And just on a personal note, I really appreciate your support for the podcast and for our nonprofit this year. So many of you have shared the podcast with people you know, or written amazing reviews, and I really can't thank you enough from my team here at Resort.
We're just honored to serve you and we really wish you the best in this next year. And always remember, you are not alone. We're here to help you feel whole again and break the cycle of dysfunction and divorce in your own life.
