#078: Ashamed of Your Past? It Doesn’t Need to Dictate Your Future | Crystalina Evert
If you’re ashamed of your past because of mistakes or abuse, it’s natural to feel stuck. But you don’t have to stay stuck. Healing and freedom are possible for you.
Author and speaker Crystalina Evert vulnerably shares how her broken family and sexual abuse caused her to cope with drugs, drinking, and sleeping around. We also discuss:
Tactics that have helped her heal
A new book to help any woman, especially women who have suffered abuse
Advice and encouragement to women who’ve suffered abuse or feel broken
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Crystalina Evert
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TRANSCRIPT
Transcript produced by artificial intelligence. Please pardon any errors!
If you've made a lot of mistakes in your life, those mistakes can haunt you and leave you feeling stuck. I know this personally and worse than that, if you were abused that trauma can also haunt you and leave you feeling stuck, but you don't have to stay there. Healing is possible. Freedom is possible.
And my guess today, Proves that I'm thrilled for you to hear from author and speaker Lina Everett, as a little girl, she suffered abuse in the breakdown of her family. And as a result of that trauma, she acted out in all sorts of ways, using drugs, drinking, partying, and sleeping around just to numb the pain that she was experiencing.
And all those things left her feeling ashamed, stuck, and really broken. And in this episode, she vulnerably shares her story and how the abuse and brokenness in her family has affected her. We also discuss how her brokenness has affected her relationships and even her marriage. She offers some tactics that have helped her heal and can help you too.
We discuss how her life drastically transformed. Once she dedicated herself to healing. She also announces a new book for women, especially women who've suffered abuse. And finally, she gives advice and encouragement. Tell you women out there who've suffered abuse or just feel broken, really incredible show, really inspiring story.
So keep listening.
Welcome to the ReSTOR podcast, helping you heal and grow from the trauma of your parents' divorce separation or broken marriage. So you can feel whole again. I'm your host, Joey Pelli. Thank you so much for listening. This is episode 78, as I said, my guest today is Chris Salina Everett. She's the founder of women made new and co-founder of the chastity project.
Kina is the best selling author of pure womanhood. How to find your soulmate without losing your soul and their curriculum you life love. And the theology of the body kina has spoken internationally to more than 1 million people about the virtue of chastity healing and God's plan for human sexuality.
She has a weekly syndicated radio show on EWTN and has made television appearances on MSNBC. And the BBC network, Lina has hosted several television series for teens and women on EEW, TN she and her husband, Jason have spoken at world youth, a in Sydney, Madrid and Poland, and most importantly, crystalline and her husband have been blessed with eight children before we dive in.
I just wanted to say that kina is a Catholic Christian. And so she's speaking from that point of view, she talks about God. She talks about faith. If that's not you, if you don't believe in God, I'm so glad you're here. My challenge for you is this, listen with an open mind. Even if you take out the God parts, you're still gonna get a lot out of this episode.
CRI story is just so inspiring. So beautiful. So definitely listen and again, take the God parts out if you need to. Uh, but you're still gonna benefit a lot from this episode. So here's my conversation with kina Everett
kina. It's so good to have you on the show. Thanks so much for making time for. Oh, it's such an honor. Thank you for asking me. I'm really excited about your book launch. We'll get into, uh, the book. Uh, I wanted to start with your story. I've always been inspired by your story because most people that have been through what you've been through really don't end up where you are today.
Like, you've been such an inspiration to me. Often, people like us who go through all the abuse, the dysfunction in our families. We end up repeating that cycle of dysfunction in our own lives. We feel stuck. We feel like we can't heal. We can't change. We can't improve. We can't grow. And now before we get to the healing and how you avoided repeating that cycle of dysfunction, I I'd love to start at the beginning.
Like so many people, uh, listening right now. You also come from a broken family. I'm curious. What was life like for you grow. Well, the only, I don't have many memories of my father, but one memory I do have he left when I was two. And the one memory I do have is actually of him walking away and leaving.
You know, I haven't never really verbalized that before , but I, I have this memory of being a child and just crying as a little girl. And I remember he gave me these gummy bears, but other than that, I don't have a huge memory of him, but I think I learned at a very young age that love doesn't last and love is not a forever thing.
and because I didn't have my father growing up and I came from that broken family and there was a lot of divorce and infidelity that I witnessed growing up as well. It was everywhere around me with my mother's siblings and just in the culture in itself. And even in the high school I went to, it was just like, well, it wasn't a big deal.
You know, it, it was like nothing. And you were supposed to just slough it off as it, while it was nothing right. Hmm. But growing up because I thought, well, love doesn't last. And it's not a forever thing. I was getting that love, obviously that I needed. And, and as a child, there was a lot of abuse. And so getting into high school, I.
I was looking for love, obviously in that acceptance and self-worth more than anything. And I had my first quote unquote, serious relationship, but, um, he said he loved me. I thought he did. And, and my friends were like, well, if, if he loves you, what's the big deal. You know? And, and physically, we just kind of kept pushing it and pushing it and pushing it until it came to the point where I had to make that decision.
And I ended up sleeping with him and, and because of my own brokenness and because of my, the worthlessness and the wounds that I felt that I carried into a lot of my relationships and it kind of just came out and it was really an unknowing wound I was living out of. Right. For so many years, that relationship ended up ending, of course.
And mm-hmm , you know what, and the people out there maybe will get this and maybe not, but a person knows deep down when they're being used. At first, it starts out in love and you want to be loved and you want, um, that person to love you and you wanna keep their attention. But the thing is at what cost and I paid a high price with that one relationship, but again, it just kind of firmed for me that, well, love doesn't last.
It's not a for everything. And that it is what it is, but I always was looking and I kept giving more and more of myself to get that love that I was searching for to get that self worth that I was looking for. And I always ended up hurt and disappointed and deep down. I knew when I was being used. I knew when it wasn't love, but it's kind of that counterfeit and that lie.
You tell yourself, because I went so far and I got into the drugs and the drinking and promiscuity that, um, it's like you, you slowly justify. You're way into that hole. I dug for myself, right? Yeah. All the way. There's like all these little justifications and all these little, like self sacrifices you make to just keep it up and keep the mask on.
And I felt like I constantly, after I was just living in Halloween, I was just had a mask on every single day. But the thing is the people around me in high school did as well. It was like a Halloween show every day because the things I would witness behind the scenes with my friends and then how they'd show up at school, like nothing even happened.
It was kind of shocking, but cause I came from such chaos and disorder in my own family. It's like, you go into that kind of world and you get submerged into it. It kind of seems normal almost right. A hundred percent. I remember talking to a psychologist about this very topic and she was saying even on the level of our brains, when we come from dysfunction, When we see these very dramatic relationships like between mom and dad, if they fought a lot, if things were loud and you know, there's a lot of anger at home.
When we come from that healthy relationships can actually feel boring. They could actually feel uninteresting because we've been so accustomed to like this almost excitement, this trauma. And if a relationship lacks that we think, well, this isn't interesting, this isn't for me. And we actually reject that and go towards those very unhealthy relationships that we know we're not made for, but they seem comfortable.
And also you're always just questioning in the back of your mind, if you don't heal, do they really love me? Are they really gonna be here? Is this rail? Yeah. You know, is this gonna truly last? And you almost kind of set yourself up for failure waiting for it all to fall apart because that's you do, right.
So we're not, we, we get uncomfortable. I feel in, um, stability. So when you are in that stability and you aren't healed. It's almost an uncomfortable situation, cause you're always waiting for the ground to fall beneath. 100%. And that's why your message is so important of, of healing and growth. Because once you go through that process and it is a continual process, but there is a lot of progress you can make in corners, you can turn, but once you go through that process, then you're setting the foundation to build that stable life, those stable relationships on.
And I, I want to get to that in a little bit here, but I, I am curious if there's anything else you would add about how the, the brokenness in your family and how the abuse that you endured, uh, affected you in the years that followed, we kind of got up into, I guess, high school at this point. Was there anything else that you'd like to add.
There was a lot of stuff. It growing up the thing is because I didn't have a father growing up. I really gravitated towards my grandfather. And I spent a lot of time over my grandparents' house. And because my mom was a single mom and she did her best. I mean, she really did. God bless her. And I had a lot of anger growing up towards my mother, but being a mom now and being married and stepping outside of the situation and kind of looking in now, a lot of it makes sense, right?
Yeah. Because when we see our parents acting out or getting angry or yelling, or they're going through their own dysfunction and as a child, you almost feel like it's your own fault. You know, or that you're just this burden on your parents because they're having to deal with you or, or you're having to go back and forth between parents.
Some of you out there are experiencing that. And sometimes you may have felt like a burden. And at times I felt like a burden, right? Yeah. And I never was re like, I felt like I never was affirmed in. You are valued. You are wanted, you are loved. And that was hard. And I did do well as a child in school. I hated school.
I was kind of the problem child out of my sister and I, I only had a sister, so it affected me in a lot of different ways. And again, growing up with that, it really, that wound, you start learning to live out of that. Cause that's kind of the home base of where you're living, going through that trauma day in and day out.
And always wonderful. Why wasn't I enough for my dad to stay? Why didn't he love me enough? What's wrong with me? You know, why did they break up? Was it my fault? Is it, was it my problem and these things going on? And then you slowly silence those voices and you just kind of go through the motions cuz you get used to it.
But it's really just causing that deeper wound that you're just shoving down. Right. Mm-hmm and ignoring coping mechanism. And so I really gravitated towards my grandfather, but he ended up leaving my grandmother. When she was, I think, 50, 50, something years old, and I was devastated. So I felt like I went through it all over again of my grandfather leaving and I felt abandoned again because wow, I wasn't enough for him to stay.
I wasn't enough for him to be there and that broke my heart. And so at that point, I think that's when I really made a personal vow almost of, I will never let a man in and love me because all he's gonna end up doing is destroying me. So I'm gonna be confident, strong, smart, amazing woman, and I'm gonna take care of myself and I'm gonna be prepared that if I do get married at the end of the day, I'm gonna have my own bank account, own money, my own, my own wits about me that I'm not gonna have, I'm not gonna be left behind by someone like a piece of trash at 11 years old.
I remember laying on the stairs, crying, thinking that to myself, Because my grandmother had to witness how devastating it was for her. And I'll, I'll never forget that. And it was so sad watching her cry and sob and, and I didn't fully understand everything cuz I was so young, but at the same time it really had a deep effect on me.
And at that point I, I just cut my grandfather off. I wanted nothing to do with him. So mm-hmm, not just one man left, but two and my grandfather I think was even worse because I had a really good stable relationship with him. And um, even when he did come back to try to have that relationship with me, I just completely rejected him.
I wanted nothing to do, which was hard, but I was so hurt. That's the only thing I knew how to do. And that was the other thing. I trained myself in that woundedness and brokenness just to keep people. Don't let them in because you're just really gonna end up getting hurt. So slowly it's like you're building that wall up around yourself to protect yourself.
Like you, you would keep things out, but you're also keeping so much in too. And you, I couldn't experience that real love for a very long time. It was very hard for me to accept it. Absolutely. And without that vulnerability, like you mentioned, there is no possibility for authentic love, but it is really hard when people like you and me come from broken families.
We've seen this dysfunction we've been let down, we've been abandoned. It's really hard to overcome. That abandonment and begin to love again. And I know in my own story, I was 11 years old when my parents separated. And I remember just being so devastated by the news. I wasn't aware that, I mean, my parents had problems here or there, but it really came out of the blue that they were gonna get divorced.
And so I remember the day my dad left, it was like a warm spring day. My mom sat me and my siblings down. I'm one of six and broke the news. And I remember as an 11 year old boy, I couldn't handle that news. It was truly traumatic for me. And so I just sat in the closet and I cried and sitting in that closet, I felt like you just express.
I felt abandoned. I felt unwanted. And I felt like I just wasn't enough because if I was why weren't mom and dad working this out? And I know there's so many people listening right now who feel that exact same way. And over the years too, I, I blame myself and that's something I'm glad you brought that up.
Cause that's something we hear again and again, there was a dad who reached out to me recently and he shared that, uh, his wife was divorcing him. He didn't want the divorce. She was going through with it. And so really difficult situation. They have one boy, uh, son and, uh, the dad on the day that he was leaving the house, uh, he was in the bathroom, just crying, just devastated by this whole thing.
And his son came in and he looked at his dad and he said, dad, is this my fault? And immediately, you know, the dad wrapped him in his arms and said, no, no, of course it's, it's not your fault that this is, you know, between your mother and I, and so I think so many of us internalize all these things that, that you touched on.
So well, um, feeling abandoned and feeling like it's our fault. And the other thing that I didn't realize what's happening at the time, I shut everything out, but also you're shutting God. You're not, I at least I did. I literally, even at that young age thought whenever I heard of love and, and God is love and, and God is forever.
And this and that, I thought, Izzy really though, like where is he right now? Then? You know? And I didn't really see that a lot in my life. And I feel like at a very young age, God was challenging me in that. And I think a lot of people don't realize how you're being challenged in that as well of your relationship with God.
And a lot of people wanna grow up with that coping mechanism. Oh, well that happened. I was, I was a child. It's not that big of a deal, but that's the thing. And that's the great lie. Isn't it? Because it is a big. It slowly comes out and it bubbles onto all of our different relationships and even to how you parent and how you are a spouse and a lot of different things, it will come out.
If, if you want it to or not knowing or unknowingly, I couldn't agree more in, uh, your new book. You pose a great question related to everything that we're talking about. You say, are you afraid to embrace a specific vocation? Because you fear you will end up like your parents. And that really strikes a nerve for people like us from broken families.
We really fear that. And the young people that we work with through this ministry, we hear that a lot. We are so afraid of making the same mistakes that they did of repeating that cycle of dysfunction and divorce. And even if we don't end up going that way, that the trauma that we've endured so often impacts our vocation, which for most of us looks like our marriage.
And so on that topic to whatever degree you're comfortable with sharing, how has your brokenness affected your marriage? Oh, my goodness. It was a nightmare. I can be very, very honest and candid because I did have my, my kind of come to Jesus moment and I have this conversion. Right. And, and I have to go back in order to tell you how that kind of transpired.
Right. But I, I literally had this moment of this talk where this young man, and it was when I was in high school and it was towards the end, but nobody could Pierce that darkness that I was in. And I don't know if you experienced that, Joey, but I was in such darkness and turmoil and things that I did and how much I gave away.
I felt like nothing. and I hated myself. I hated being in my own skin and I just knew it. Wasn't supposed to be that way. But when you give so much of yourself and what's done is done, you, you kind of, I felt like damaged goods and that nobody could ever really love me because I was so damaged and I caused a lot of it and I allowed a lot of it.
But it was that young man who stood up and had the courage. And I go back to this moment because a lot of people out there don't realize the power of their own testimony to the world and the people around them. And you never know how you can Pierce someone's darkness just by your testimony and how you live and what you've gone through.
And just sharing that with people. Sometimes it helps. And that young man had the courage that day to just get up and talk about all the porn, all of the addiction, everything that he had been into, I felt like he was talking directly to me, but he also talked about how he started over and that he was this new creation.
But the one thing that I just was in awe of, and I couldn't take my eyes off of him, I was in shock almost of how honest he was. He was so honest about where he was at, what he had done. and he wasn't ashamed. And I sat in my seat trying to figure out one day that I hadn't been ashamed of myself and the way I was living and being in my own skin.
And, you know, I couldn't find one, not a single day of carrying that around with me. And I wanted that. I wanted to be done with this shame and this weight and just, I wanted that more than anything. And so just by that testimony and his courage, and they say courage is contagious, I'm sure a lot of you have heard that it really was that day.
And God was able to Pierce that darkness I was in and I was able to come out of it and go to confession for the first time, because I mean, we've all experienced it where we go to confession to go to confession. So either somebody sees us or we feel like we're checking it off, or we're not really giving God everything right.
And all the weight and all the sin and all the yuck. So it held me back a lot for those of you that are Catholic, I think you understand. But that day, I mean, I went to confession for the first time. And it was the most freeing experience that I had had, and it was unbelievable. I can't even describe it, but to go in there with this huge list of all of these things, because I finally really was done with that lifestyle and what that, the grace that came from that young.
Was powerful. And sometimes you don't even realize what you're doing or what you're saying and how the holy spirit is working in you, but that it really can change lives when words have power and what you speak over yourself and what you speak to others has power. And you need to know and learn that power that you have, because it, it is, it's something fierce when you know what you're doing, especially with the grace of God.
Yeah. Does that make sense? Oh, of course. And no, you're, you're hitting the nail on the head. I think back to, you know, after my parents separated. Yeah. I went down a really dark hole. I made a lot of stupid mistakes and got to that numb place that you mentioned, and just so much regret, you know, a lot of sexual mistakes on my part.
And. Just things that I, I wish never happened. And obviously, you know, God's been able to use those and heal me and all that. And I've been able to live a pure life. Thanks to you and Jason like here and Jason, he did for me what that young man had done for you. He really answered all the questions I didn't even realize I had about love and sexuality and, uh, helped set me on that path to living in pure life.
And there was so much peace and so much freedom and so much joy that came from that, that I couldn't have known until I tried it. And, and I think that's one thing important. That's important to say it. you could hear about it all day, how peaceful and good and happy you can be if you live this like good pure life.
Um, but until you actually try it, you're not gonna experience that. And so, uh, once I did, I experienced it, I was like, oh, I never want to go back to another way, but going back to the numbness, then I wanna let you comment on that. Yeah. I totally experienced that. And even in the years that followed after I turned my life around, uh, I still experienced that numbness and what I realized in time, Is that it's actually a trauma response and it's actually a really good thing that our bodies, our brains do when we're in traumatic situations is that we become numb because if we were to feel all of the emotions that we could feel in a traumatic experience or moment, uh, we would just collapse, it would be overwhelming.
And so it's a good thing in those moments to feel numb. But what happens is sometimes we get stuck there and it continues on, and that's where the healing and processing all those traumas, uh, will help you to feel not numb, but alive again. And there's a lot of people that we've worked with. Who've gone to trauma therapy and they've been able to experience that.
I know that was the case for me as well. So I wanna let you comment on yeah, just that anything that I just mentioned. The numbness. There's a numbness that I think is, is good that your body needs to respond to. But there's also a toxic numbness that I dove into of the drugs and the drinking and just shutting it off.
Right. I wanted to just shut it off, shut it down. And I didn't wanna care at all and that, but I will say this. And for those of you out there that maybe don't feel you hear God, or even know if he exists. I don't care how drunk or how high or what I was doing. I still heard that small, still whisper of a voice.
I knew. I knew I didn't need to. I shouldn't be there. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew I was damaging myself and I knew no matter what I did, I couldn't shut it up. Like God was hound. God was not gonna leave me there. But I tried my hardest to shut that voice up. And if you listen, no matter what's going on in your life, I don't care where you're at in your life, who you are, where you've been, what you've done, God does not wanna leave you there.
And the lie that kept me there for a very long time was, well, God doesn't really want me because I'm so wounded and I'm broken. And he'll love me when I am perfect. I'm a Saint I'm pristine. That's when God's gonna love me. And I am so far from that, that he's not gonna want me. And so what's the point, right?
And that's, that was the lie that I allowed the evil one to give me because it actually was in. The woundedness, it was in the yuck. It was in the broken and the ugly that Jesus was really wanting to go right there with me. And I didn't want him to go, I didn't want him to see me. I didn't wanna let anyone in because it was so painful and so shameful.
And I didn't want God to see me, even though he saw everything, you know, in and out. Yeah. You still feel like you're hiding somehow in this. Like, you still feel like nobody sees you and that's just, that's another lie. It's ridiculous. He was right there with me, but you have to invite him in and that's the thing.
Your will is everything and it is powerful. And when you willed it for the right things, God can do amazing things in your life. But I shut him out. I didn't want him in there. I didn't want to be seen, I didn't want, I didn't want to expose myself in that state. Right. Hmm. But it was when I let him in there that he was able to break kind of that, that bondage that I had over myself, So good.
And I appreciate you making the distinction between that, you know, regular numbness that we experienced because of trauma and the toxic numbness. I, I know exactly what you're talking about, and that makes a lot of sense. And thanks for sharing all that too. One of the things I realized in my own life is that so many of the mistakes I made, the bad habits I developed, the regretful things that I've done, uh, were just in an attempt to feel wanted.
Yeah. And now I, I realize that and I have that awareness. And so now I can seek out ways of feeling wanted that aren't unhealthy, that aren't bad. And a lot of it, you know, obviously comes from our relationship with God. But I think even that realization that we just wanna be loved, we wanna be wanted, like everything you're telling me in your story.
And I I've heard, you know, you speak and I've heard your story and read a lot of your content. Everything in your story just makes so much sense to me and makes sense. You went down that path and makes sense that you did these things in an attempt to feel loved, to feel, wanted to feel accepted, to, you know, overcome that abandonment that you experienced.
And so it, it just makes sense. And I think God looks at us that way too. He looks at us and he sees the dumb things. We've done the mistakes we've made and he understands. It's not like he's saying, oh, sin is a good thing. He'll never say that. He wants us to, you know, live a good life and get away from those bad habits as sins.
Um, but at the same time, I think he has this incredible understanding of us because he just loves us so much. And he looks at us and says, okay, like I get why you did that. But there's something so much more that I want for you. Yes. And he is constantly pursuing us regardless. And, and we wanna numb, but I'm, I'm have you experienced that Joey, where you are just like outta your mind on something or you, and you still hear that voice, like, you know, you shouldn't be doing this, you know, like this is not right.
Not good for you. A hundred percent. I remember when. Yeah, uh, buddy of mine, I was 11 around the time my parents separated. He introduced me to pornography and like so many people, I, I knew something was wrong with looking at it, but also I was very intrigued. It was, it was beautiful in a way, in a twisted way.
Right. The woman's body was beautiful. And so I felt drawn to it. And so, uh, over time though, I noticed that even though that was a way for me to escape the pain and the problems in my life to numb what I was experiencing, uh, I still felt ETI and even more miserable after going to porn. And I knew just like you're saying that little voice inside me was saying.
You're made for happiness. And I knew even as a boy, even as an 11, 12 year old boy, I knew that I wanted to be happy and this wasn't making me happy and needed to change. Uh, and so I'm sure you can relate with that too, but yeah, absolutely. To answer your question, uh, I certainly relate with that small voice inside of you now, after I had my conversion, God really gave me a grace of not falling back into those sexual sins.
Like something really shifted in me. And I think the power of confession was huge, but a real honest, good confession, right. And a whole hearted confession. And you know, I, some of you will understand this, that I heard an Exorcist tell me that confession is a mini exorcism. Hmm. And you know what, when I look back on my life and I look back on that moment, the shift that took place in me after that, it was so much easier to.
Live out the life I truly did want, and I know God wanted me to leave, but I couldn't do that without his grace. And that was another thing I tried over and over, because we've all had those moments where you do something stupid. I did something really stupid and I'll never do that again. I'll never sleep with them again.
I'll never get that drunk again. I'll never take this drugs again and you promise yourself and you're just really firm in that action, right? yeah, until that weekend or you feel lonely or you have that, that moment of having to be not so numb and actually feel those raw emotions and then you just gravitate back towards it and that's exactly what happened.
And it wasn't until I did it with Jesus. It literally wasn't until I did it with God that I. It did not happen again. And that was the difference that you don't have the strength on your own to overcome these vices. You don't have the strength in your own to come up against these temptations, but with the grace of God, you do.
And that was the only path for me that worked because I tried everything because I hated the way I lived. I didn't like it. I wasn't happy. I knew there was so much more, but I just didn't know how to get out of that rut. And instead living out of the rut, just, I, you it's a humbling experience, but at the same time I needed God to do it.
Yeah. So good can agree more. And I wanna get to your healing story. So what was it that helped you heal? You mentioned hearing that talk in high school. I'm curious in the years that followed, what did your healing process look. So after that, I knew I wanted to help young women like myself, because I never heard that message before that you can start over that you, it doesn't matter who you are, where you've been, what you've done.
And I literally wanted to scream that from the rooftops, especially to my friends and just let them know, look, it doesn't have to be this way. There is a different way. And so I slowly, baby steps had to change my life. And it was really hard because you have kind of both feet in each world, you wanna live this good life and strive towards that purity and that holiness.
And it's a whole new world, but you're still kind of in the world. Right. And that balance, it's like, you become this new person. And it's like, well, what is okay? What's not okay because when you're living out a life of purity and you're really trying to change. it really is a whole mindset. It's a whole lifestyle.
And there, there can not really be a lot of duplicity in that it's kind of one or the other, the light is always gonna be fighting with the darkness. Right. Mm-hmm . And so it was really just slowly getting rid of those friends and the clothes things I listened to. And you know, what was really interesting, Joey is one night I went to a party.
My friends invited me to, I, instead of engaging in everything, I literally sat in a seat and I watched the entire night in front of me, like a movie. I didn't engage in anything. I sat there and my friends were like, come on, come on, have a drink. And I'm like, oh, no later. You know? And I just was like, and I literally kind of prayed, but I watched.
It was like a movie how over time, and as the night went on people and how their standards just dropped and how they acted and what they were doing and how they changed and how I saw two people go behind this door and doing this and doing this and just things they typically wouldn't have done probably, but because they let their guard down and they got into that kind of coping of the drinking and just bad habits.
It's unbelievable how the night transpired. And I thank God, I wasn't engaging in that. And that he opened my eyes to actually see, and it was really eye opening. And if you ever wanna see a situation for it, what it really is, I would encourage people like if you're struggling, like you wanna live a different life, but oh, this one is so much fun and I don't wanna lose all of that, but is it really that much fun because from what I saw that night and what I witnessed, what I thought was so much fun.
It was dangerous and it wasn't good and it was bad. And every morning I remember just waking up, feeling like that. I felt disgusting and not worth it. My friends were like, oh, it's all fun and games. And the thing is you wake up the next day and you don't feel like it's fun and games. Right. You, you it's like you have to like shake off and wash off from the night before almost cause it's not fun and games.
And, and it was just an interesting moment, but I just really wanted to help women from that point on just heal and let them know it was okay. And so I ended up going to, well, my mother sent me of course, to The Bahamas of all places. cause there was a Chasity speaking event and she knew she had to do something extreme to really get me to go rough destination there, Chris.
It was hilarious. And so I was like, sure, mom, I'll go. Why not? You know, who's gonna, who's not gonna do that. So I went to The Bahamas and lo and behold, that's where I met Jason and at, and he was speaking there. And at the time I didn't wanna date anyone. I didn't wanna, I just, I needed my distance. I needed space.
I knew I had a lot going on and I was just fed up with men at that point in my life that I wanted nothing to do with them. So. I talked with Jason and we met, but we ended up just being friends for a good year. And then we slowly started courting and then we ended up getting engaged and we got married and it really wasn't until I think I started having kids that it really started to affect me.
And I started having serious issues. And the lie that I think I fed myself was like, I'm starting this new life, this new chapter, I'm leaving everything behind. And all my baggage is gonna stay outside of the church. And I'm gonna walk down the aisle into this whole new world that I imagine for myself.
Right. And I wanted to be this Martha Stewart mom, this amazing wife and, and all of these things. And I was incredibly ill equipped for any of it. And I really floundered and it was really difficult. And I didn't have that. Martha Stewart mother growing up. Okay. So, and I didn't even have the grandmother growing up to teach me like a lot of young women, because I feel like this there's this whole generation Joey of these women that got left behind these young women that got left behind from the sixties of their mothers, leaving their vocations and going out and becoming these strong business women.
And, and it was like this women power. But in the midst of that, I feel like there were casualties and I was one of them. And I literally didn't get taught how to be a wife, how to be a homemaker, how to have that Catholic essence within your home and, and how to even. A good wife, you know, it was, yeah, it was all kind of this shock for me.
And, and it's something you think that is just gonna like click inside of you because, well, this is what you're doing, so something's just gonna turn on and it never did for me. So I really struggled in just the house and pregnancy, the kids, all of it. I felt like a handicap and I felt so ill-equipped and I felt worthless in my own home.
And I didn't know how to do certain things. And there's a trial and error period, but I think my own brokenness really kicked in and I felt incredibly inadequate in those moments. And so it was really hard. And Jason came from this like, No joke, like leave it to beaver family that it's just like, they didn't understand, you know, there was such this different dynamic because he came from such good seeing such good wholesome relationships.
And here I come from this broken background and then they're colliding together and it clashed. So it was very difficult cuz he's expecting one thing I'm expecting another. And so it's really good to have those conversations, very raw conversations of what does your life day in day out look like after the wedding, after the big honeymoon and you get home.
What does eight to five and five to like 10 look like in your lives? What do they expect of you when you have kids? What is it? Um, they're wanting of you like really get into like nitty gritty of how your spouse or how the person you're dating or engaged to really sees your daily life in and out. Cuz it was very different than what I imagined.
And then also I had the dynamic of being a speaker and going and traveling with Jason constantly around the world with chastity. I mean, there were times where we were home, maybe five days out of a month because we were traveling so much doing this. Wow. And that was a blessing from God. But now we had kids, the whole, my whole world just started to change and it really came to this moment where I had to embrace my vocation as a mom and I had to change, um, my day in and my day out.
And what. God expected of me. And that was really a struggle and that's something I had to pray through because it's very different staying home with children and then also feeling inadequate in staying home and being this homemaker. And you're used to being on stage and helping people and traveling and doing all of these things.
And it was like this huge shift for me. So there were a lot of things at play that happened. And I, I really struggled, but I prayed through that and I knew I needed to be home with my kids. I knew that's what, what God was asking me to do. It was humbling. It was hard, but I knew that that's what needed to happen.
And I thank God every day that I did that, but I still struggle with this anger and just this, oh, I couldn't figure it out. And so I'd go to adoration. I went as far as I possibly could in my own healing process. And then I remember in adoration, God kept telling me, always will bring you back to that same thing.
The next step he wants me to take. And he wanted me to go to counseling. and I, I literally out loud and adoration said, no, I was like, anything but that just, no, I didn't want to go Joey, because in my family growing up, you didn't talk about things and you definitely didn't pay someone to go talk to about your problems, because then that meant you had serious mental and psychological problems.
Hmm. And it was very looked down upon, but now I know why it was looked down upon because they didn't wanna be looked in a bad light yeah. By anyone. Right. You keep up this facade for people. When you're you, you in a broken family and there's just so much going on, they wanna keep the, the pretend game going, right.
The world that you have it all together. And it was just something you didn't do. And God kept telling me to go do that. And it came to the point where I knew it was like, okay, Lord, I, I needed to do this. So it was really intense. And I started going to counseling and. In counseling is when I found out that I had been sexually abused as a child by family members.
And I did not know that I growing up had no I did. And I shoved it down so deep that I, I couldn't even, I couldn't even go there. And it was when again, thank God I went there with God and Jesus though. That's where you have to go to those places with, right, because he's the one that can really deal with those things and give you the strength and the courage to face them.
And that's why my, my women made new ministry even started was because of all of this that you really have to face it. You have to own it, and then you have to heal it. But without facing it and owning what happened to you, there's no way of healing it. And the first two are very scary, but the healing part, it can be done.
And. I will say in that moment that all of that kind of came up. My entire world shattered around me. And I think it was one of the hardest moments of my life, but I feel like I made so much sense to myself for the first time in my life, in that moment, because I understood why I had a hard time giving and receiving love.
Why sexualize my anger growing up, just all this anger and this just frustration, just all that yuck. I was always feeling, I feel like God ripped the bandit off and he showed me the wound and that's where I needed to go. And I'm telling you, I made so much sense to myself for the first time. And then after I went to ground zero, then I really could start building from there, you know, and it was hard, but then the foundation could be put down.
Then the yacht could get cleaned out. Then God could really do what he wanted me to. But if I didn't say yes. To what God was asking me. And so often I was just ignoring it and fighting it and I didn't want it. And I thought I knew better, and I didn't even realize what he wanted to show me. So when we were fighting God, and he is asking us to do something, you really have no idea the trajectory of where your life can go by just giving that yes to God.
Cause he's trying to do great things in you. And he, everything he asks of us, there is a reason for it. And he doesn't just ask us to do anything. There is weight behind it. My goodness, Lina, like, I'm so sorry. There's so much I wanna say I'm so sorry for what you've been through. It's heartbreaking that you were abused and just all the things you went through, but it's so beautiful.
How, you know, you've turned that around with God's grace and it's just amazing. And so inspiring. Like I mentioned, at the top of the show, there's so many people who are in a similar spot as you are, who are listening right now. And, uh, one thing I wanted to say for those of us who come from broken family is we typically struggle more in our relationships and in marriage.
And so if you're feeling like Cina did in your own marriage right now, there's nothing wrong with you. In fact, the research on this topic is very clear. The biggest area of our life that's impacted by the breakdown of our family is our own relationships in marriage. And the basic reason for that, like Chris said, well, is that we don't have a roadmap for.
We've seen a really broken model of love and marriage that gets so deeply ingrained in us almost as if we're programmed to act that same way. And so then when we try to build a relationship, build a marriage, build a family, we feel lost. We're like, I, I don't know how to do this. And that, to me, it sounds like what you went through so much, uh, in your marriage and your family.
And, and it makes so much sense to me. So if anyone out there is feeling that way, if you're going through that, like, there's nothing weird about you. Uh, it makes sense given what you've been through, but there's so much more that lies ahead. If you commit to your healing process, if you face it, you own it.
You heal that. Chris said so well, and that programming can be re you can reprogram yourself too. And that's really what feeling it is all about. And I know for myself, uh, it's just, I've struggled in my own marriage. I've, you know, my wife and I have been open about going to marriage counseling. It's been really helpful and we've made a lot of progress, but especially early on Chris know, for me, it was similar.
It was like, I don't know how to do this. Right? Like the, the model that was set for me with my parents, it was just like horrible, a horrible way of handling conflict. I didn't know how to handle conflict. I was super defensive. I would get really angry, like all this stuff, and I'm still working on some of it, but we've made a lot of progress.
And, uh, so there is hope there's so much hope, but I, I just want people to feel validated in that. Is there anything you would add to that before we move on? I would that if you are experiencing this in your marriage and you are struggling in your marriage, a lot of times you don't want to reveal to your husband or your wife, that weakness or what's going on, and maybe you blame it on other things in the beginning, like what's going on the outside of you.
That's what the devil and that's how the stronghold kind of keeps us, or the wound keeps us and a hold of us is that we don't bring it to the light and we're not expressing and telling people what is actually happening, because we don't want to look like we are struggling or that we don't wanna seem weak, you know, and that we have it together.
But honestly, your spouse, God gave you your spouse to help you to work through this with you. And to be honest about what is happening and tell them, look, I feel inadequate in this, this and this, but just be honest about what's going on and bring it to the light because that leaves no room for the nonsense.
And that's what I found. Just be straight up and honest in all things. And if you can bring up those wounds and things that happen to you and just talk with your spouse, you'll be stronger together. And one thing I will say within your marriages, that outside of marriage, the devil does everything in his power to get you to come together, right?
and, and sleep together and be as close as physically possible. But within marriage, in the sacrament, the devil does everything physically possible to keep you two apart. And wow, you have to guard that because slowly things will get in, in the crack will slowly come in and then it'll get bigger and cause more cracks and more cracks.
And then you don't even realize what happened. So everything that comes in your marriage and in your world, your, your God first marriage is second. And anything that comes. Like crosses that path. You two should be discerning. If it's a job, if it's a new hobby, if it's friends, if it's anything you should be praying about that and your prayer life is going to build your fortress.
And if you're not praying together, you both are, are just it's. You're like free game and you're gonna get picked on constantly and you're gonna struggle and you're gonna have problems. But if you fortify yourselves in prayer and you discern things that come between you, the devil won't have so much wiggle room and control because he operates out of our unhealed wounds.
That's where the devil has power. And for those of you, um, that aren't Catholic, this is what I've experienced in my own life. That that's really where the control lies, but the, the closer you get to God, the more you bring things to the light, the evil one has got to go because he can't stand the light.
He will flee. So the more you put light on something, the, the less harder it will be, and that God's grace will, will abide there for you so much. Good advice there. And one question I heard, um, for any spouses, any spouses listening right now who maybe you suspect that your husband or wife is struggling with something, and you don't know how to go about talking about it.
One great question that I heard from Emily Wilson. She speaks, she's a musician, she's an author. She said, you can ask the question, and this is ideal. They ask obviously before you're engaged, um, or married, but you can do it within marriage two. And she said, you can ask this question. Is there anything that you haven't told me that you're afraid to tell me?
And she says, there's two reasons. That's helpful. One, if the person's gonna divulge something really difficult, they have to kind of overcome two barriers. One, they have to bring up the conversation. And two, they actually have to tell you the thing that can be pretty scary. By asking that question, you're removing the first barrier and then giving them the space to overcome the second barrier.
And so great, uh, little advice from Emily Wilson there. I know we're close to the end of our time together here, Christine, I could talk to you all day for sure, but I wanted to kind of contrast your life. So before the healing process you've laid out what life was like, how broken you were, makes so much sense, but how is life different now that you've gone through this healing?
And I know you would say, you know, you're always a work in progress, but you have experienced, uh, substantial healing. So how is life different now? One as, as you can see, and, and in our conversation, the shame. Is no longer there. And I feel like that really is a gift of God for going through that process, cuz he really does heal you and make you whole and new.
And even when I used to hear those sayings, I used to kind of B him, like, there's just no way, you know, but it really is the truth going through is really the only way, but, but a person that has gone through and made it out on the other side of all of that yuck, um, I can honestly say I'm not ashamed at all.
And I feel like I'm talking about completely different person talking with you today, Joey, it's unbelievable. And that God really wants to do great things. In everybody's life. Like everybody has a purpose. Everybody has a plan and you were created for something incredibly specific. And each one of us is so unique.
And even in the gifts that God has given us, that we need to discover within ourselves, but you can't really discover those things. If you're buried under your, the weight of your own yuck, you know, and the brokenness. But once you get past that, God replaces all of that brokenness. And he fortifies you with beauty and gifts and loves and talents and what it is he truly created you for because he made you for something, but you have to be on that mission.
You have to show up to your own fight. And if you don't show up to your own fight, you're just gonna be where you are standing in front of that Everest mountain of this healing process. And you'll die there and you are made for more than that. And we each are at just a small piece of the massive masterpiece that we're all gonna see in.
Of all of us, we're all just pieces. Right? And a lot of us, it's hard for us to believe that, but it's true. And that's why my women made new. That's why I started the whole women made new ministry is because when I went through my healing process, I needed so much help. I didn't know what the church mother church had to offer, but I know I, I knew it was there and I didn't want women to have to go searching through all these different things in order to get to the good stuff and start a healing process.
So women made knew that if you go to the website, you can find a good counselor. You can find out where to go to Eucharistic adoration, all the different, good Catholic speakers that are out there that can help you all the different, good Catholic resources in one hub, just to start your healing process, right.
Because you're already so wounded and you're going through so much. The last thing you wanna do is research. You know, you just wanna start. It's like, let's just go, it's go time. So you have to get 'em in that moment. And that's what we need to do. And so that's why it started. the women made new ministry and just the face, it own it heal it because that's what we all just need to do.
And it's not easy, but it can be done. And I look back at that moment where I said yes to God. And if I didn't say that, Joey, imagine I wouldn't be sitting here talking with you today. I wouldn't have married. Mason. I wouldn't have my 11 children. I wouldn't have these two unbelievable ministries. God gave me if I just didn't say that.
Yes. And so your decisions right now matter, and as little as you may think it is, it's not, and it holds weight and holds heavenly weight and you have the opportunity to change the course of your entire life. But you have to engage. You have to show up to your own fight. And I know God is calling every single one of you listening.
I don't care your background. I don't care where you've been. I don't care what you've done. None of that because I've been there. And, but God, right now, Is calling you. And I feel like he is inviting you. Whatever's on your heart. Answer it, just do it. Just do whatever that one thing is. Cuz everybody has that one thing.
That's like, oh, I don't wanna do that, but I know I'm supposed to just do it. And you'll see what's on the other side of that. But God is inviting every single one of you. And I tell my kids so they understand on just the small level is that your conscience, that little voice you hear is your compass to heaven.
And as long as you answer and you listen every step of the way, you're gonna be just fine, but just don't ignore it because every time I've ignored it I've regretted it. But every time I've listened, I've never regretted it once in all of my life. And if, if anybody walks. With anything, walk away with that, just listen.
And if I could tell my younger self that that would be the one thing I would say, just listen to that voice. It will guide you. It'll protect you. It'll lead you and you will become who you were created to be just by listening and being obedient period. Excellent advice. Uh, a great resource to help people do everything that you're saying is your brand new book.
It's called women made new reflections on diversity transformation and healing. If you would tell us about it, what's in the book and how will it help the women who read it? What I wanted to do is give women almost. Kind of a spiritual defense plan and to grow in their confidence of who God created them to be.
But we're also, there's so much fear and there's so much woundedness. It's like, you can't just go from a to Z, you know, there's a, B, C, D, and all of these steps. And there's so many new women coming into the church as well and wanting this relationship with God, but they don't know how and. I, I brought 12 powerhouse women together, right?
With that. Each of 'em have a ministry within the church that can help all walks of life of women. And they have each written a chapter in the book. And like for example, uh, Layla Miller, she wrote a chapter on divorce and to help people there. Another one is just like, maybe my chapters and I have three chapters that I actually put in the book and one is like unbroken.
Another one is about spiritual warfare. And another one is really addressing all of the trauma and how I got through that. And I kind of give them like a roadmap of how to heal from that, within that chapter. But one of the most beautiful things out of all of this. Is that mother Angelica is one of the contributors in my book.
And one of the women in my book and E WTN allowed me to use and go through, I spent 300 hours, Joey, no joke, oh my goodness. Listening. We hours of the night doing laundry or cooking dinners or whatever. Always my little earbud, listening to mother Angelica of her earliest shows of these whiteboard shows.
And I was able to pull these old transcripts and go through them. And they allowed me to compile these two unbelievable chapters from mother Angelica that have never been in writing before. And so even her wisdom that is put in here. And even though it was so long ago that she said these things they're so.
In our culture today, right now, with what we're going through. And even one of the chapters about your own personal prison that you actually build for yourself. Mm-hmm and what keeps you there. It's really beautiful. So I just wanted to bring all of these different women, these different ministries. And I wanted to hand women around the world, a book of resources that it doesn't matter what walk of life you come from.
One of these ministries, and one of these women's stories can help you because they're overcomers and we all can be overcomers. And God is calling us to be because we should not be negotiating with our insecurities and we should not be negotiating with our past wounds. We should be going in there and overcoming them, facing them, getting rid of them and marching forward and becoming these strong men and women of God that he's created us to be, to do the things that need to be done in this world right now.
And he's calling all of us, like all hands on deck right now. And I feel like he's got a great plan for everyone. I don't care who you are. So if you feel worthless and unloved, that is a lie from the pit of hell, that that God is calling you. But one thing, people, I think don't realize, and at least with my own personal relationship, Joey, with God, especially God, the father, because I couldn't go to Jesus as a man, I was so wounded by men that I could only handle him in the Eucharist.
So for those of you that have been maybe sexually abused, like I have, and I really struggled with, with God and, and Jesus as a man, I could handle him in the Eucharist and Eucharistic adoration changed my life. It transformed me as a woman and maybe you don't even believe in God, but if you just go sit in a chapel in a church and just say, okay, well, I'm here now, what?
God will show you the now what I promise, you know, mm-hmm, just go and have that courage, but to become incredibly Eucharistic. God has a plan for everyone, but we have to accept that invitation. Amazing. I, I saw that you're giving the first chapter away for free. How can people get that and how can they buy the book?
Uh, if you go to women, made new.org, you can download the first chapter unbroken, and then you can also sign up when the book is coming out, they're taking pre-orders now at EWTN religious catalog and any, any time it could come out and, and get it for sale. But, uh, women made new.org. They can get the first chapter right now.
Beautiful. How can people follow you and get access to your other resources as well? Oh my goodness. Women made new, um, dot com and if you just go to women, made new.org. Everything is there. My Instagram, my radio show, I have, uh, with EWTN every Saturday and, um, all books, resources, website, everything, and women made new really is just women helping women.
I just want people to get the help that they need. And this isn't about competition. This isn't about, um, one upping each other. This really is about helping each other and building each other up and, and healing each other and giving each other what we need to become, who God created us to be and, and men as well.
But my ministry is more geared towards women right now. Amazing. Christina, thank you so much for your time for your story, your vulnerability, your expertise in this area really appreciate you coming on this show, uh, for yeah. Sharing all of that and all the work you've done. I've benefited personally. And I certainly wouldn't be where I am today as a married man with a daughter, if it wasn't for you and Jason.
So thank you so much for, for all that you've done and we'll definitely be here cheering you on and supporting you however we can. I want to give you, uh, the last word and, uh, you kind of gave it already, but just throw it back to you. Any encouragement or advice for any women listening right now who've been abuse or feel broken.
I know you mentioned listening that small voice inside of them, but I wanna give you the last word and just one piece of advice. One piece of encouragement. You're not alone. I felt so alone in what I was going through. And I didn't want anybody to know, because I felt like I was the only one or that carried that kind of shame, or I didn't want anyone to see and just know you are not alone and that you're wanted, you're loved.
And there is a group of women that would love to support you. And then also that God has a great plan and purpose, no matter who you are, where you've been, what you've done, all that matters right now is where you go from here.
So beautiful. I love Christine. I love her story. It's honestly so inspiring to me and really proof that healing and freedom are possible for all of us, even if we don't feel like it is. And on that note, I have a challenge for any of you who find yourself stuck in life, stuck where crystal was in high school.
If you're going to parties and trying to numb your pain with all sorts of things, my challenge for you is this next time you go to a party. Do what she did. Don't drink. Don't do any drugs, just observe, just sit there and observe like Chris Luna did at that party that she went to and ask herself, the question is this the lifestyle I really want?
Is this lifestyle really that attractive? Is it really satisfying me? That's it. That's my challenge for you. If you want Christine's new book, you can go to women, made new.org women made new.org, or just click on the link in the show notes on that page. You could also get the first chapter for free. I read it myself.
It's really good. So I definitely recommend picking that up. And finally, one tactic that you can use to heal is to find a guide, find someone who can guide you in your healing journey. And that's where a counselor, a coach or a spiritual director comes in. And we're building a network of counselors, coaches, and spiritual directors that we trust that we vet that we recommend.
And by using our network, it'll save you a lot of time and effort in searching for a counselor coach or spiritual director. And these people are professionals that we vetted, that we trust that we recommend. And we'll connect you with a trained professional who can give you the help and tools you need.
So you can feel whole again. And if you wanna make use of that, it's really simple. Just three steps. Go to ReSTOR ministry.com/coaching. Again, restored ministry ministry, singular.com/coaching. Just fill out a really quick form and then we'll connect you with a counselor, coach or spiritual director as they become available.
Again, that's restored ministry.com/coaching, or just click on the link in the show notes. Thanks so much for listening. Always remember you are not alone. We're here to help you feel whole again and become the person that you were born to be.
