Something Has Been Taken From Me
4 minute read
The story below is from Marissa, written at 29 years old. Her parents divorced when she was 20 years old. She gave permission for this story to be told.
HER STORY
I grew up in a home where I never really saw my parents express love to each other. There was a lot of fighting and hiding things from each other but I still never thought my parents would divorce.
When I was a freshman in college my mom called to tell me that my dad moved out. The whole process was kept quiet from me and my brothers. We never even were told the day they actually got divorced.
I did not think it affected me. I thought it was better. Both of my parents seemed happier. I went down a path of self destruction in college. For two years I spent almost every night intoxicated in some way. I was very promiscuous and detached any intimacy or real love from my friendships and relationships. So many wounds in my sexuality were caused then.
I went to confession one day after spending less time with my “friends” and more time with a virtuous friend who respected me - he’s now my husband. In confession, the priest told me I am behaving as though I feel something has been taken from me. He did not know my parents were divorced. The phrase “taken from me” resonated on every level.
I spent time in confession over the next year, I went to a theology of the body camp, I started dating my husband and finding authentic relationships. I started a deep prayer life of healing with our Lord.
We are married for 4 years and have two little girls. Only through God’s grace is my sexuality redeemed and my relationship with my mom and dad strengthened.
HOW THE DIVORCE MADE HER FEEL
I realized after two years that I felt that something had been taken from me.
I felt that my dad was taken from me when he started seriously dating his new wife.
I felt that my mom had taken information and closure on the divorce from me by not telling me the details.
I felt that my childhood was taken from me because all of our family traditions did not exist anymore.
I felt that my faith had been taken in many ways because my family growing up helped shape my faith and now my family was not the same.
I finally had to realize that God had so much more to give me than anything that had been taken from me.
HOW HER PARENTS' DIVORCE HAS IMPACTED HER
It’s affected my ability to trust and receive intimacy (emotional and physical). I did not work through the divorce during it happening, so I was wounded in many ways but primarily in my sexuality. So much of my healing has been in restoring my femininity and receptivity.
ADVICE TO SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS HAVE DIVORCED OR SEPARATED
Don’t be afraid to ask your parents questions. If you have siblings, don’t be afraid to ask them how they are doing.
It’s okay to use the word “divorce” when talking to your family. You can still be a family by listening to one another.
Make sure to surround yourself with virtuous people and seek out authentic relationships. Hang out with people that you admire.
Speak to God the Father. Listen to him call you his child.
Hold the hand of Our Mother and don’t let it go.
Pray for healing.
Read about Theology of the Body.
Tell your Mom and Dad that you still need to be their child.
HOW TO HELP YOUNG PEOPLE FROM DIVORCED AND SEPARATED FAMILIES
More content that uses the word "divorce.” Easier and more mainstream resources that talk about relationships and divorce.
Youth ministry resources sent to diocese and parishes. Partnerships with big conferences to host breakout sessions on the topic.
A family home ministry where young adults are invited to a married family’s home to share a meal, pray, hang out, and just be in relationship with a virtuous married family. Give them the encounter of a holy, loving, authentic relationship.
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