I Was Walking On Eggshells
2 minute read.
This story was written by Alana at 22 years old. Her parents separated when she was 5. She gave permission for her story to be shared.
Her STORY
My parents divorced when I was 5 and I honestly remember very little about my life from then until about 4th grade. I think I suppressed all those memories because it was filled with so much arguing and my younger brother always got much more attention than I did simply because he needed it more than me. Our dad always did the best he could to be active in my life, and he did an excellent job of that, but my mom's alcoholism and other personal problems got worse as I got older.
My dad remarried my abusive stepmom when I was 14, and she constantly tried to isolate me and my brother from our dad and from the rest of my dad's family as well. They're currently getting a divorce since my dad finally recognizes this abuse. My mom also remarried when I was 19 to a guy who is generally nice, but he enables my mom's excessive drinking behaviors.
HOW THE DIVORCE MADE her FEEL
It made me feel like I had no one to share my emotions with, and I never grew super close to either of my parents. My mom was much more invested in work or my brother, so I was just kinda on autopilot. My dad tried to make a connection with me, but since we didn't see him that much, it was hard. As a result, I would feel extremely uncomfortable sharing my own thoughts and emotions with others. I didn't even really know what anger felt like until I was 21 because I had repressed anger my whole life as a form of self-preservation.
It's taken 4 years of unpacking my childhood in order to start to get comfortable sharing my emotions, but I still feel like I can't talk to my mom about anything really. I was also extremely confused because I thought the abusive things my stepmom did were "normal." Deep down I knew something about her actions was wrong, but I convinced myself it was okay as a method of self-preservation. Interacting with her made me feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells, and I was always worried I would "do the wrong thing" around her and as a result, she'd do more to keep me away from my dad.
HOW THE DIVORCE IMPACTED HER
As a teen it made me cling to unhealthy relationships with guys just to get the affection and attention that I didn't get from my parents. When I would think about my future in a potential marriage, I was terrified that I wouldn't know how to function because I had never seen how a marriage is supposed to work. I was also scared I wouldn't know how to be a good mother. I trusted that God would somehow use my parent's divorce to still teach me something, though, and looking back now I see all the ways that it prepared me for my current marriage.
ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS JUST SEPARATED OR DIVORCED
God doesn't give us crosses for no reason. No matter how bad the situation is, He uses it for something good. You might not find out what that reason is until years later, but your experiences will not go to waste. For me, it's helped me identify unhealthy practices in relationships, and has therefore helped me develop good practices in my marriage. It has also let me help a number of my friends and kids I work with as their own parents go through separation or divorce. As painful as my parent's divorce and other relationships have been, I am thankful that I experienced it so I can help others.
Are you interested in sharing your story with Restored? If so, click the button above. Sharing your story can help you begin healing.
Be assured: Your privacy is very important to us. Your name and story will never be shared unless you give explicit permission.
