I Have a Deep Fear of Being Abandoned
2 minute read.
This story was written by Anonymous at 57 years old. Her parents divorced before she was 6. She gave permission for her story to be shared.
HER STORY
I’m pretty sure no one sat me down to tell me my parents were getting divorced. As the youngest of four children, I just remember moving to a new place to live across town. I believe I asked the first night in the new place where my dad was and was told he wasn’t moving with us. Although it’s never really been talked about, the assumed reason is that my dad’s drinking caused my mom to need to leave.
HOW THE DIVORCE MADE HER FEEL
I can’t remember now how I felt, but I’m assuming I was scared and confused. No one seemed to feel the need to explain what happened to me. I feel like since the divorce it’s been important for me to plan everything, know everything, so I can control my world. I’m not good with surprises or changing my plans. That makes me very inflexible. And I have a deep fear of being abandoned.
HOW THE DIVORCE IMPACTED HER
As a teen in regards to my dating life, I think I was always searching for someone who would make me his most important person. I had a terrible time being alone and always had a boyfriend and put a lot of energy into each relationship.
ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS JUST SEPARATED OR DIVORCED
I know it’s hard to see, but there are blessings that come from this situation. The resilience that comes from doing hard things will serve you in many ways. Although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I know I’m a more empathetic person because of it.
WHAT DO YOU THINK NEEDS TO BE DONE TO HELP TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS FROM DIVORCED AND SEPARATED FAMILIES?
I love education about the impact of divorce on young adults. I think this is so helpful so that the trauma of this life event isn’t minimized, but also helping young adults recognize that this event can be a blessing as well. Denying the impact does a lot of damage, I think. Giving voice to the dark or sad can be very freeing.
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