Holidays 101: How to Handle Probing Questions
2 minute read
You’re standing in a crowded living room, sipping on some eggnog and minding your own business, when suddenly, somehow, that one person you were hoping to avoid corners you. Before you know it, you’re reluctantly engaged in conversation and the thing you were dreading happens: he or she asks a probing question that you very much don’t want to answer (and really shouldn’t have to). Suddenly the conversation becomes highly uncomfortable and you find yourself in a very awkward situation. Help, please.
This is not an uncommon scenario. Especially during the holidays when we’re often confronted with those difficult relatives who are just a little too inquisitive—whether they mean to be nosy or not. Before you down an entire jug of eggnog to numb the discomfort of awkward conversations, try these tips to handle probing questions:
Avoid
While normally I wouldn’t advocate running away from your problems, this is one of the few instances where avoiding is okay. If you know a certain friend, family member, or acquaintance is going to cross boundaries, try to stay out of earshot. Move to the other side of the room, strike up a conversation with someone else, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, or even consider not going to an event where you know they are going to be—depending on how stressful or painful the situation could be to you.
Brief Answer
If you’re unable to avoid the conversation, keep it short and sweet. When they ask a question you don’t want to answer, say something vague and succinct. Then you can ask them a question that will hopefully steer the conversation in a different, less uncomfortable, direction.
Call them Out
Without being rude, you can kindly and gently say: “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this right now,” or “Is it okay if we talk about something else?” Although saying this is a little more confrontational, it will likely be more effective at preventing future incidents of unwanted inquisitiveness from this person.
Deflect
Humor is your friend. Try to turn the question into an instance for laughter instead of something serious. This is especially handy when you don’t feel comfortable calling the person out. After a joke or two, you then have the opportunity to change the subject or even say you need to get food/a drink.
Stay Busy
Play with at the kids’ table (everyone knows they have more fun anyway), wash dishes, offer the host some help . . . find something that will prevent the person you are trying to avoid from striking up a conversation with you.
Plan Ahead
If you are familiar with this person, you can potentially ask them in advance not to ask questions about a specific topic you don’t want to discuss with them. Again, this can be done in a way that is gentle as opposed to accusatory: “I’m really not ready to talk about x,” or “I’m trying not to think about x during the holidays .” If you are unable to have this type of preventative conversation, anticipate what they might ask and how you want to respond. Consider even practicing what you want to say a couple of times. This will ensure that when the time comes, you don’t feel flustered and caught off guard.
The holidays should be a fun, joyful season. Unfortunately, as children of divorce this can often be a difficult time instead. But there are things we can do to help manage some of the stressful parts. We hope these tips help you handle probing questions with grace, and to have a more enjoyable, stress-free Christmas
