#052: How to Navigate Your Relationship With Your Divorced Parents
A popular question we receive from young people from broken families is “How do I help my parents and navigate my relationship with them?”
In this episode, we offer advice and answer that question. We discuss:
What to do when your parents try to enlist you in their war against each other
How to respond if your parents are asking you to make or heavily influence big decisions for them
Why you shouldn’t have to pretend everything is okay when Mom or Dad start dating someone else
Plus, we offer a sneak preview of our brand new book, It’s Not Your Fault.
Get the FREE chapters from our new book, It’s Not Your Fault.
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TRANSCRIPT
Transcript produced by artificial intelligence. Please pardon any errors!
When I give talks to college students, one popular question that comes up during the Q and a is how do I help my parents? And how do I navigate my relationship with them? It's an excellent question, which is why this is a topic of today's episode. We answer two questions. How do I love and help my parents?
How do I deal with my parents moving on in life and in relationships? So in this episode, there's a few things we discuss what to. When your parents try to enlist you in their war against each other, we touch on how to respond. If your parents are asking you to make or heavily influence big decisions for them, we talk about why you shouldn't have to pretend that everything is okay when mom or dad start dating someone else.
We also hit on how you can change your parents. You might be surprised by the answer to that. We also offer a sneak preview of our brand new book and how you can get the book and a special offer for you guys too. So keep listening.
Welcome to the restored podcast, helping you heal and grow from the trauma of your parents' divorce separation or broken marriage. So you can feel whole again. I'm your host, Joey Pelli. Thank you so much for listening. This is episode 52, and like I said, I've written a book for you. The sad truth is that most young people, most teenagers and young adults who come from broken families are traumatized by their parents' separation.
Or divorce, but nobody gives us people like us, the guidance that we need to navigate the pain and the problems. I know this firsthand, I live through it myself. And without that guidance, we continue to struggle in serious ways with emotional problems, unhealthy coping relationship struggles, the list goes on and on again, I've experienced this firsthand and it really shouldn't be this way.
My new book is an answer. To that problem. The title is it's not your fault, a practical guide to navigating the pain and problems from your parents to force the book features 33 questions and answers on the most pressing challenges faced by young people like us who come from broken families. Some of the questions that I answer in the book are I struggle with low self-esteem.
How can I become more confident after my family broke apart, I felt abandoned, unwanted and adequate, and even rejected as something wrong with me. Self-harm is my way of coping. How do I stop? How can I cope in healthy ways instead of unhealthy ways? What's your advice for navigating the holidays and other life events?
How do I avoid repeating my parents' mistakes and build a healthy marriage? I feel broken. Like something is wrong with me. How can I heal and feel whole again? What can I do to heal my relationship with my parents? Why does God let bad things like my parents force happen? And how can I discern my calling in life when it feels so anxious and uncertain and lots of other questions.
And if you read the book and more importantly, if you implement the advice in the book, you're gonna learn a bunch of things. You're gonna learn how to cope with your pain in healthy ways. Instead of unhealthy ways, you'll become a better, stronger, more virtuous person. You'll learn to overcome emotional problems.
You'll be given tactics to build healthy, thriving relationships. You're gonna find evidence based strategies that you can use to heal. You'll also learn how to navigate your relationship with your parents. That we'll talk about today. You're gonna improve your relationship with God and you'll make better decisions that build a better future for yourself.
And most importantly, you'll be given the tools and resources. You need to get the help that you need. And guys, this isn't theory, this is down to earth. Common sense advice based on research. Expert advice and stories that we've heard from people like you, people who come from broken families since book really is for anyone who comes from a broken family, but especially teenagers and young adults whose parents are divorced, separate are really struggling in their marriage.
And if that's not, you, you probably love or lead someone who comes from a broken family. Maybe that's your kids or a cousin or a boyfriend, or girlfriend, someone, whoever, or maybe you lead them as a pastor, youth minister, a teacher, a coach, wherever you're at in your relationship with young people who come from broken families, this is gonna be a great resource for you.
And for them, it makes a great gift that you can give to them to help them navigate all the pain and the problems that come from the breakdown of their parents' marriage. The book comes out on September 21st, 2021. And if you're listening to this before that date, you can get the first chapters for free.
I'll tell you how to do that in a second. And if you're listening after that date, you can buy the book on Amazon right now, or you can get the first chapters for free by going to restored ministry.com. Again, restored ministry.com/. Books and ministry is just singular restored ministry.com/books. This link is in the show notes as well.
Just click on the button to get the free chapters. You're gonna fill out a quick form with your name, your email, and then we'll send you the free chapters. Again. That's restored ministry.com/books. And if you buy the paperback in September of 2021, you're gonna get the ebook and the audio book for free.
We're given another way for free to anyone who buys the book in September, 2021. And we'll tell you in future episodes, how you can get the free ebook and the audio book. And I'm so excited to share this with you guys. We've been working on this for months, my team and I, and the feedback we've gotten from people who've seen an advanced copy has been really solid.
So we're really excited to share this with you. I also wanna say that this version is for Catholic teens and young adults. Now, if you're not Catholic or you're not a teen or young adult, is it still useful for you? Absolutely. We've heard again and again, how the content that we put out though, it's technically geared towards people who come from broken homes who are teenagers and young adults.
It, it really helps a whole range of people, especially people who come from broken homes who are outside that age range. And so if that's you, or maybe you aren't religious, you can just skip the parts that are religious, skip the parts that don't align with your beliefs. And it's still gonna be really useful for you as well.
And in this episode, you're gonna actually hear two questions and answers from the book itself. You're gonna hear part of the audio book and then my editor Miranda, and I discuss the content. We had some stories and some more advice. So I don't wanna wait any longer. Let's jump into the first
question. 26. How do I love and help my parents? One day, the mom of a 14 year old boy suddenly abandoned her family, never to return her departure, left his dad. So depressed and debilitated that he struggled to function wanting to help the boy dropped out of school and immediately took ownership of the cooking, cleaning, and shopping to compensate for his mother's absence.
While most of us wouldn't drop out of school. At 14, we share the same desire to help our parents seeing the problems in their lives and the suffering that they experience. We naturally wanna help them. However, we might not know how to do it in a healthy way first, remember that people can change, but you can't change them.
They have to change themselves. You can influence them, but they must choose to change. If your mom or dad are choosing an unhealthy way of living, realize that you are not responsible for their actions. They are, you cannot change them. They must change themselves. By far, the best thing you can do is to live a virtuous life, a life of good habits and an internal disposition to do what is good, live a healthy life in every way possible.
Your example is much more likely to inspire change in your parents than the words you say, set and enforce healthy boundaries with your parents. This not only helps you, but it helps them too. They need to know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Boundaries are the lines you draw that tell people what you will and will not allow.
When someone breaks the boundary, it must be enforced. It's useless to have boundaries. If there are no consequences for breaking them, boundaries are most needed. When it comes to emotionally supporting your parents do not become your mom or dad's primary emotional support. It's unhealthy for you and them, even though it feels like you're helping.
Instead redirect your parents to people who can properly support them, their family, friends, a mentor, pastor, counselor, and so on. As much as you want to help, it's not your role to be your parents confidant about their struggles, especially with their spouse. You are their child. You should remain their child, not assume the role of their spouse.
If things get too difficult, dramatic or toxic, you might need to take a break from that parent who is causing the issues. At one point, I did not approve of my dad's behavior. I didn't like the way he was treating my mom, my siblings and me. I told him I wouldn't speak to him until I saw changes in his life for more than a year.
We didn't speak. At one point, I explained in a letter that I wanted a relationship with him, but I wouldn't engage with him until I saw him improve the way he treated every. Eventually he didn't prove. And we resumed our relationship. Sometimes love must be tough like that. Don't be afraid to take a break, write a letter if it's helpful, explain your intentions, but don't expect them to respond well.
If they try to bully you or pressure you to go back on your boundary, don't do it. Find a friend or mentor to talk to about whatever you're going through in situations where you've become your mom or dad's confidant the person with whom they share intimate struggles and rely on for their stability and support.
Tell your parents, mom, dad, I know you're hurting right now. It breaks my heart. I wanna help you, but I have to help you in another way. I can't be the person you bring your problems to. Who can you talk to about all this stuff? Suggest someone they can confide in. If it gets bad enough, contact that person and let them know you need their help since your parent are relying on you too much.
Unfortunately, it's so common for mom and dad to badmouth each other to say mean things and even divulge secrets or rumors about their spouse. Usually it's just done out of frustration. Sometimes it's done in order to turn you against the other parent. If there are details, you need to know a healthy immature parent can sit you down and calmly tell you what happened, but it's not necessary to continually bring up those things.
They might feel like they're at war with their spouse, but that person is so your mom or dad tell them that you can say, dad, it really hurts when you say those things about mom. I know you guys don't like each other, but please remember that. She's still my mom. Would you please not talk about her? When my siblings and I are around, if he doesn't respond well, insist that you will not put up with it, leave the room when he brings up the topic or redirect the conversation.
If things get unsafe or traumatic, make sure to call your other parent or an adult you trust and get away. Another common experience for people like us is being the middleman. The person who relays information between mom and dad, this can be extremely stressful and anxiety provoking. The tricky thing is you might feel that if you were to step away from this role, your siblings will be forced into it.
It doesn't have to be that way. Those aren't the only options. Talk to your mom or dad, or write them a letter convey that you are no longer willing to be a middleman. If they wanna tell each other something, they have to go through their lawyer, counselor, friend, or family member, tell them not to use your siblings in your place as you will not tolerate that either you can start by asking nicely, but be firm.
If they don't comply, there's nothing wrong with being the middleman for simple logistical things like Courtney, when mom or dad will pick you up for the weekend, but don't feel the temptation to be their negotiator. It's not your job. They are adults and they need to act like it. Most importantly, talk to your siblings, make an agreement with them that none of you will be the middleman.
You can even tell your parents that you and your siblings are in agreement and will not allow that to happen. Along with playing the middleman is feeling forced to choose sides. This is called triangulation. Sometimes mom or dad will present you with evidence that the other is bad, whether it's true or not.
And that situation, you can say a few things. You can acknowledge the issue. They're conveying by saying, yes, that's definitely wrong. But if they press you further to pick sides, remind them, dad, what you said she did is disturbing and wrong. But please remember, you're talking about my mom. How would you react if someone told you that about your mom, avoid the pressure to pick sides, do your best to be diplomatic.
In some cases, though, it can happen. That one spouse is totally in the wrong and to blame for almost everything that happened in the breakdown of the marriage and family. In that case, it's okay to be vocal about what you believe is right, but in time, do your best to let your parents figure that stuff out.
You should be their child, nothing. While there are plenty of examples of unhealthy ways to help your parents. There are healthy ways too. Usually it's not complicated. Do your chores around the house. If you're living at home, if you're a handier techy person, help them with some home projects or technology, if they need input on minor decisions, feel free to offer it.
But major decisions shouldn't be placed on you. That's UN unfair to ask. So stick to the simple stuff, never be afraid to say, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. And I'd prefer not to talk about it. Could you talk to your family or friends about it? If it's possible and healthy, spend time with each parent, build a relationship with them, do things together.
Have good conversations, ask good questions. Keep things light, especially if they're usually heavy and dramatic, as much as you're able, keep the focus on your relationship with that parent. Not the other parent, allow yourself to be a kid it's so common to grow up faster than you should as a child of divorce or separation.
Savor the moments when you can just. Be a kid. That's what it's supposed to be like. I'm so sorry if your childhood has been hijacked because of your parents' decisions. I know what it's like, be honest with how you're feeling. If the parent can't handle your honesty, then make sure you can confide in someone else.
Ideally, a mentor instead of bottling your feeling is inside. Get them off your chest, whether in person or over the phone, communicate with your parents. If the conversation goes south, redirect it with a question or statement such as. Can we talk about something else or I don't wanna talk about this right now.
Avoid arguing over text messages. Email is better. Letters are especially helpful. Just make sure that after you write what you feel needs to be said, you let it sit for a day or two to make sure you aren't saying something that you'll. The goal for your relationship with your parents is that it is a parent child relationship.
When you are an adult, it can become an adult to adult relationship, though. They will always be your parents resist the temptation to be their savior that's God's role. Do your best to love and honor your parents in healthy ways without allowing them or anyone to use or abuse you. In the end, your boundaries and love for your parents will make the relationships healthy, or at least help you avoid a toxic relationship.
Miranda. This is an important question. Important content. I remember I was giving a talk at a university and during the Q and a, after the talk, uh, this probably came up the most people wanted to know, like, how do I help my parents? How do I love them? Especially when they're struggling and suffering, because divorce is hard on our parents too.
And so I think generally we wanna know like, how do we help our parents? So this is, I'm glad we're talking about this. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's a huge topic. Think a lot of, especially, you know, when you're in that age of like, you're old enough to understand what's going on, you're old enough to see like how your parents are being affected by it, but you're not, you're not in a position that you can.
Fix things or even really get out of the situation, you know, you're still home or you, uh, you go home a lot. Like if you're in college, you know, you might go home a lot during the holidays, things like that. So you're not in a position where you can really fully disengage. So totally, it's really a tough spot to be, to be honest, like to, to witness someone that you love so much going through such a hard time, but also feeling helpless to.
Yeah to do anything about it. And then you're, you're you yourself are most likely hurting as well, just from the situation that you're going through. Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's such a good reminder that you can't fix your parents. You can't fix this situation. I think so often we have that desire.
A lot of us have kind of a, a savior complex where we just wanna rush in and rescue, like everyone's struggling. And I think it's good to remember that we can't do that. Like, like the content in the, um, book says we can, you know, influence them. We can maybe help them in some ways, but we can't rush in and like take the reins, take the driver's seat of their life and do everything for them.
So I love what that you said that I think it's an important reminder. And I think, uh, this question, the popularity of this question kind of surprised me, partly because I think there's this misconception. That, when you come from a broken home, you like hate your parents. And certainly there's some people who, who hate their parents.
No doubt about that. But I think most of us, we really love our parents. We might be hurt by them and we almost always are hurt by them when the family breaks down, but we really love them and we wanna protect them. And even to a fault, like we even protect them to the point of where it maybe hurts us a lot and perhaps even hurts them.
And so I think, uh, I think that's a huge misconception that we maybe hate our parents or don't wanna love them or help them or do what's best for them. Um, but I think deep down, even if it on the surface, we might a pair, like we're struggling with them. I think deep down, we really do love them. We wanna help them.
Oh, definitely. Yeah. Another thing that I loved from the content is our parents, you know, frequently, especially during a divorce, hopefully like after the fact and the things might calm down, but during, and perhaps before, uh, they're really at war with each other. I remember this with my parents. They were like going at each other's necks, like it was rough.
Mm. And so it makes sense that they're just in this aggressive mindset, like they're just, emotions are controlling them, so to speak. And then we're kind of thrust in the middle of this war and they're like, wait, wait, I want you to pick a side. Like you gotta fight this war with me. And that puts us in a really awkward spot.
And so I, I love the reminder in the content that, you know, this is still your mom or your dad. And, and I like that question that we put in there. Like, how would you feel if someone talked about your mom or your dad this way, asking that to our parents? Because I think that kind of puts them in our shoes and makes them realize.
Yeah, I probably shouldn't be saying these things or forcing them to, to pick sides cuz I would feel weird and uncomfortable if someone did the same thing to, to me concerning my parents. And I actually asked my dad that recently, I, you know, I don't know if it stopped him in his tracks, but I think it was something good for him to think about.
Yeah, for sure. I think it's like you said, totally natural. You know, when someone is going through something as emotionally, you know, intense as a separation or divorce that they naturally they're so hurt and experiencing so much pain that to show it it's is it's just natural. It's it's almost inevitable.
Like I, I would say it takes super high degree of self control and virtue to try to. Kind of keep that to yourself or to look for the appropriate outlet. And so inevitably I think what happens a lot of the time, like is that the kids, like we, we get the brunt of it, cuz we spend a lot of time with our parents.
We're we're at home totally quite a bit. And so we end up getting the brunt of this anger of this deep, deep, deep hurt that our parent is experiencing. And even though, like you said, like it is so normal and so understandable. It's also very inappropriate. Because you are not the person that should be hearing those things.
Like mm-hmm, you as, as the child, you know, you as their, their son, like, but that is not information or things that you should be made privy to. Um, and so I'm glad, you know, a lot, some of, one of the elements we focus on in this section is the importance of boundaries. Mm-hmm, establishing those boundaries because again, as, as much as that reaction of like, can you believe this, et cetera, cetera is so it's so normal.
And to a degree, like, I I'd, I'd argue that it's very healthy to express, you know, the frustration that you're when you're going through something like that. But you have to think about it in the right context and with a parent talking about another parent with their child, like that is where the boundary is crossed.
That's where it becomes just inappropriate. And so absolutely. It's really important, like you said, and like you, you know, you had this experience with your dad to set that boundary, which can be really intimidating and scary but so important. Yeah. Cuz you don't know how they're gonna react or I've had these conversations with my mom and my dad in person texting, you know, like we said, texting's not the best, but sometimes it's like, if they're just doing out frustration, which again, like you said might be totally understandable.
It's just, we're not the people they should be bringing it to. But I love what you said that it's usually just a matter of convenience. Like it's not like our parents are typically malicious and trying to damage us. They just we're home. They're frustrated. They need someone to talk to we're there. So it does you're right.
It takes a lot of self control to bring it to the appropriate support, the appropriate outlet, like you said, We touched on this in the content, but it's so damaging to continue that for years and years and years where your mom and your dad are both, maybe are just confiding in you again and again about their, just their struggles.
And, you know, it doesn't mean that we can't love and support them. Like we said, in the book content, but it really means like you just said, we need healthy boundaries and we didn't go into it as much, but it is so damaging for so many reasons. It creates this weird dynamic between your mom and your dad too.
When let's say dad is confiding in you a ton, then it might make mom feel like, well, she is more of a spouse to him than I am or, or whatever. And that could be, you know, of course, before the divorce and it can create all these sorts of unhealthy dynamics where the other parent becomes jealous and. Way, messy stuff.
So we didn't go into all of that, but it is just extremely damaging. And there's been research and psychologists, who've written books about this and talked about, um, this idea of like covert sexual abuse, which doesn't mean like physical abuse, but it means this emotional, unhealthy, emotional dynamic in a parent child relationship where they're basically making you into, into a spouse and the term some people throw around is ation.
And so that's kinda what we're getting at here. We wanna be able to love and help our parents without getting to that level, uh, which again is not only damaging for us, but it's actually really unhealthy and harmful for them too. Absolutely. And I think, you know, what the most tragic part is that it, it, it wounds like our relationship with our parents.
And I would say a lot of times it does drive us the kids away from our parents. I, I know, I, I think my parents were pretty good about this actually. Like I, it was. Very rare for me to hear any, like either parents speak ill of the other. That's awesome. Um, which, yeah, I definitely, in retrospect, it's, it's pretty remarkable, but I did have, um, some friends who, uh, yeah, their parents were going through a really terrible divorce and I, you know, hung out.
I spent a lot of time at their house and I could tell that, you know, the mom was relying on her sons, like as a emotional support and wanting to talk about the divorce all the time. Mm-hmm and wanting to know, you know, like information about the dad and none of it was malicious. None of it was, um, yeah.
Wanting to, to hurt her sons at all. But it was, she was just in so much pain and she. Because they were there and because they were, you know, with her husband spending time with him too, she, it was almost like, yeah, this weird usery, um, like you said, of, of specification. And it was really, and what, what happened is of course, you know, the, the boys, like, they didn't want to talk to their mom anymore because wow.
Anytime that, um, they did, it would just, you know, start with a question. And then just another question that, you know, isn't too bad, but then eventually would become a full on and conversation and discussion and then a fight because they don't wanna talk about it. And it was just created so much tension between them.
Um, and it's not that there wasn't love, like it wasn't that the mom didn't love their, her kids or that the kids didn't love their mom, but it just. It's so it was so detrimental to their relationship because it wasn't the appropriate outlet. And so that is like something that I think is really hard to see in the moment, especially for the parents is mm-hmm, how it's hurting.
Um, not only the kids, but just your relationship with your kids, which is of course, most of the time, the last thing they want. Yeah, absolutely. That's a great reminder, especially than any parents listening right now, it's again, in a way by resisting this unhealthy dynamic, we're trying to save the relationship with you.
Um, even if there are some struggles there and it might not seem great in the long run, it will be much better if this doesn't occur, like Miranda was saying so, so good. And I certainly know that experience. And I've talked with, you know, people through resort or just friends who have explained basically the same thing that you just said about it.
Just being constant, right? Cause when in the midst of a divorce, especially a really messy one. It's so at the forefront of our parents' minds. And so they wanna talk about it all the time and it's just overwhelming. Um, and the, in information digging, I don't know if that's a thing, but yeah, that's like totally, totally real because, uh, I experienced that with my parents.
I know friends of mine and people we work with through ReSTOR have experienced that too, where, you know, mom or dad are out of each other's life, but they're so interested. They wanna know like what's going on in their other person's life. And so they'll either directly ask or maybe kind of indirectly passive, aggressively mention some things, kind of looking for a response.
And again, I don't think, you know, most of it's not malicious, but there is just that desire for them to know like, oh, is she dating again? Or is she with another person? Or, you know, what are they doing with their money or, you know, all sorts of topics that they could bring up. And it just puts you in such a tough spot as a child, cuz it's like, well, I just wanna love you.
And I just wanna love my other parent. You know, why do I have to be this middle man? Who's like a spy passing information back. It, it just shouldn't be that way. Not only that, but you're also processing everything that's going on yourself. So it's like, it's hard. It's hard enough to cope with our own, our own pain and suffering at seeing at like at the breakdown of the family.
And then also seeing our parents suffer. So like, we're getting this double whammy of our family's falling apart. And additionally, we see that our parents are struggling with, with what's going on. And then on top of that, there's this unfair expectation of being, like you said, an informant or, uh, or an emotional.
Um, support that, that we, you know, we don't have the capacity to, to be absolutely. Yeah. It's almost like getting hit with, like, if you're in a boxing ring it's like getting hit like in three different places at the same time. Mm-hmm and it's, that's a lot to handle. It's a lot to take in. Another thing that, uh, we touched on a little bit is big decisions.
So parents, I know sometimes maybe feel kind of lost or they feel emotionally depleted and they might not be, uh, in a good spot to make decisions. So they might rely on other people, especially with their kids to make these decisions for them, or to have a heavy amount of input. I know I've dealt with this with, with my parents, especially with my mom.
And again, I think it comes from a good place, like generally wanna know like what they should do in a given situation, especially certain temperaments, I think struggle more with making decisions. So they might be more likely to rely on their kids, but big decisions can be really, really tough. Cuz for example, Some parents come to their kids and they say, you know, should I get divorced or not?
And you know, we could probably answer, no, no, I don't want you to get divorced. I want you to work through the issues, but to, you know, a 14, 16 year old kid, that's really a tough spot to be in. Because if you say, no, maybe your parents' gonna hate you. If you say yes, and you're probably gonna feel guilty.
And that thing is part of the reason. A lot of us feel like it's our fault. is, um, maybe we did have some sort of input like that. I remember when my parents were going through the process of the divorce, the legal case, it was, um, very messy. It was a three year process, which is insane. Typically two years is like really long.
It's usually done in a year. I, I, three years and it was always dramatic. So I remember my mom kind of just, you know, even bringing us with her to the attorney's office. And I was like, looking back, I'm like, yeah, that definitely shouldn't have happened. No, like this call. Yeah. Yeah. Like I get why she did, she needed the support, but it really should have been maybe her sister or her brother or someone from church, someone like that who could have been there for her, not.
My siblings and I absolutely, absolutely. And I think another one that we touched on too, is the tendency for people like us to grow up too fast. I know that certainly happened with me cuz my parents separated when I was, you know, 11 and I felt like I just skipped years of my life in a very real way. And I know my older brother I'm number two in my family, my older brother even experienced that even more strongly because he had to fill that role in very real way, uh, for my dad's, with my dad's absence.
And so that can be really tough and that can cause so many issues. I think later down the road, what a lot of uh, times happens is, uh, if you have a guy or, or a woman who, you know, skips part of their childhood later in life, they may have the tendency to kinda act like a child. May, maybe not in like ridiculous ways, but even in being irresponsible with their finances, John Eldridge in one of his books, talks about how, you know, a, a boy who kind of skipped certain parts of his childhood and, you know, especially who wasn't delighted and in love the way that he should have been, uh, later in life, when he has the means to do it, he might kind of treat himself with all sort.
Toys such as like cars or technology and things like that. And that's almost a way of going back in time and undoing what he missed. And so I think that happens really often with people like us too. And I know in my experience, um, I certainly, like I said, felt like I matured a lot through the separation and it was, um, it was unfortunate.
And so I think it's something you really need to mourn and kind of grieve, but, but I think it is very common for people like us to, to mature, uh, more quickly than we should. Did you experience that in, in your life? Definitely. And I think a lot of what happens a lot of the time, and this was my case too, is that there's usually one parent who ends up struggling financially.
You know, if you're, if a lot of times the mom, you know, may have stopped working or worked part-time to be home with the kids or something along those lines, then all of a sudden, you know, they're not able to have the financial. Stability that they had when they were married. And so then they're, you know, enter the picture, serious financial struggles.
And for me, that was definitely the case pretty soon after, after the divorce. And so, you know, all, you know, you're 12, I was, you know, probably 13, 14 worrying about things like we need towels or, you know, a vacuum cleaner or like, you know, things like that. And you know, it wasn't, you know, we were, we were taking care of like, we, I definitely like there was always food on the table and things like that.
It never got to, to a really terrible point, which I'm sure has happened to, to people who are listening to this. But yeah, it was definitely a strain you could say. And it was something that at that age was not something I should be worried about. And. I was, it was definitely like a big, a big concern. And now, you know, it's funny, you mentioned the John elders comment, but I definitely find myself overcompensating sometimes where, you know, like I, I experience to a degree, a sense of lack, a sense of there's not enough.
And, and so I kinda go overboard and like, I have to have an abundance, you know, an abundance of, of savings or an abundance of, you know, XYZ in the closet or in the pantry or whatever, you know, sometimes it's like, you know, you have to take a step back and ask yourself, you know, is this really necessary?
But you're, it's like the, that seeking for security that I missed, you know, during those years. And so I think a lot of times. With young adults who, who are going through this, um, you do see a financial burden on one or both parents mm-hmm and that can affect you emotionally like that. Can. Kinda change your gears and, uh, make you more serious and, and grow up faster and, you know, think about those things sooner than you than you really should.
Absolutely. It makes me think of the story that we started with, um, in this question about the 14 year old boy and man that is so devastating, right. It's just, he literally had to worry about kinda like you did. Um, but like you said to a little bit more of an extreme about putting food on the table for his dad, um, who's just totally wrecked by the, the breakdown of his marriage and mom leaving.
And so man, talk about having to grow up too fast and worry about things that you really shouldn't have to worry about. And I I'd imagine in that case, finances were a struggle as well, but that's such a good point. I think it's so common that divorce is just very, very expensive too. So even. Maybe before the divorce, your family was in a decent spot through it.
They could have got kind of cleaned out, honestly, like I know mm-hmm, personally know people who have paid hundreds of thousands of dollars in divorces just know of know of parents and it's insane. And so you could either, you know, maybe lose your savings or lose a lot of your money or you maybe go into debt and that causes all sorts of other issues.
So it makes sense in your case that, you know, you try to overcompensate and still find yourself having that tendency and in an attempt to find security. It totally makes sense. I remember hearing a story. I think this is right, um, that after the American soldiers, uh, freed. Some of the, um, people who are in concentration camps in world war II, they were so mal, uh, nourished.
They were so, uh, depleted of nutrients, they were so hungry that they wanted to just stuff, their faces with food. Um, but they had to control them because if they did that, they would've died. And I think some of them did and I, I don't know the exact stories. It was just, they were so hungry. So they were just trying to overcompensate by eating as much as they could, which ended up really, really harming them.
So I think it's an appropriate analogy and certainly a tragic historical thing. But, um, yeah, I think it's an appropriate analogy for people like us that just to be aware right. Of the tendencies that we have and maybe why we're doing certain things. And then just that awareness alone I've found can be so helpful in maybe course correcting a little bit, you know, making sure that you're not, um, you know, buying a car that's too expensive or putting too many things in your pantry.
I, I know, uh, I think that can help a lot and even being vulnerable with other people, I think is really useful as well. Just sharing kinda like we're doing now with everyone listening. It's like, Hey, this is, you know, a tendency of mine. This is where I struggled. And they're able to kind of call you on it and help you in those situations.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think I'm really glad we, we touched later on in the booklet, in the book on the topic of self care, because I think a lot of the kind of like needs that aren't met, like, you know, financial or emotional during this period, we there ends up like being this emptiness there. And so.
In a different section of the book, we cover a lot of topics regarding self-care so that mm-hmm we can properly fill that gap, um, and not, you know, rely on unhealthy measures. Like we're saying, you know, you know, trying to overcompensate financially, or, or emotionally or physically for something that, that was taken from us, um, during this season.
And if you take care of your needs, basically what you're saying, what I hear you saying is if you take care of your needs, it could remove some of the tendencies or the need to overcompensate, because you're kind of balanced in those other areas. Mm-hmm , mm-hmm . The last thing I was thinking, uh, I love that quote, people can change.
You can't change them. It comes from a business guy. I follow Daniel tardy. Awesome. Awesome guy kind of put that together. And I think it's a great phrase because it really reminds us that people do have the potential to, to change, to grow, to improve, to heal. Um, but we can't do it for them. And I think there's just such a tendency, kinda like we talked about before to, to just to be the savior, to jump in, to, to change someone.
And I think the better approach is to change yourself. and to really grow and become the best version of yourself. And by doing that, that alone inspires change in other people. And if you've never experienced that, I understand why you might not think that's possible, but it's actually true. And alcoholics anonymous, the support groups for people who are, um, alcoholics, or they, you know, maybe love someone who is an alcoholic.
Uh, that's what they teach the spouses to do. They say. We understand you want to help your spouse stop drinking so much, but you can't do that by, you know, nagging them. You can't do that by maybe forcing them to change. You really have to do it by just becoming the best you becoming healthy and whole.
And then what will happen is that person eventually will see what you have, see your joy, see how good life is for you, and they'll want it to cause that's attractive. And then they'll have the internal drive, the impetus to then change their own life. And that's really the way that it has to work. And that's super hard.
to swallow. I know personally I've struggled with this. Absolutely. Yeah. I think it kind of comes down to controlling the controllables and your parents are not something you can control, but you can, you are in charge of your own choices. And you know, recently someone challenged me with this of. You know, what kind of person do you wanna be and really taking that into serious consideration and then asking yourself, like, does this choice, you know, contribute to the person you wanna be or not?
I think leading by example in that way can be, you know, fill you with so much peace and satisfaction. And then also, you know, not, maybe not always, but a lot of the times can also offer some encouragement and inspiration to your parents. Totally. Yeah, no, that's a great point. And I think the piece that you experience from that, just kind of letting go of the things you can't control.
Like you said, it's amazing. , it's so good. And, uh, sure. It can be hard to get to that point, but once you do it, it's so good. And, and you're right. It's, it's a good point to say that it won't always happen. Where if you become the best version of yourself, then it's automatically gonna change everyone around you.
It's just not automatic. Of course, they still have to choose, but it makes it much more likely. And, uh, if nothing else, I think it's gonna put you in a better spot in life and it's gonna help you to just build a better future for yourself. Definitely. Good stuff. Miranda. Let's dive into the next question.
Okay.
Question 28. How do I deal with my parents moving on in life and relationships? Years ago I visited a friend's family. The parents are divorced though. The marriage was annoyed. It was still difficult for my friend to see his mom dating again. That weekend, his mom's new boyfriend from out of town visited without my friend, knowing he was coming, it made my friend extremely uncomfortable and caused him a lot of anxiety to be blindsided and thrown into what felt like forced bonding.
Sadly, that story is not uncommon watching your parents move on is anything but easy, especially when it happens so fast. It might look like watching your parents start dating again, or get remarried looking for a fresh start. Mom and or dad can even abandon their family for a new family, welcoming a parent's new boyfriend or girlfriend into your life is extremely painful and challenging.
Building a relationship with your stepparent might be harder than you think it should be, or even feel impossible. You might even realize that mom and dad are breaking their wedding vows by the way they're living, which is even more heartbreaking. Honestly, it's not supposed to be this way. And this is something that is very difficult to endure your parent's significant other or new spouse brings a whole host of problems and challenges into your life.
Especially if that person is around often or moves in with you and your parent, you may feel angry, sad, hurt, trapped, betrayed as if you don't have control over your life and completely overwhelmed by all the change and accompanying emotions. You also will likely feel pressure from your parent to accept this new person into your life right away and be happy for them.
This is neither fair, nor realistic. You are entitled to feel everything listed above and more. And to express those feelings. If your parent cannot receive them, divulge your thoughts to a mentor or another adult, you can trust our parents can get so consumed by seeking their own happiness or trying to move on from the hurt they experience that they overlook the suffering.
Their new life causes us. It doesn't mean our parents are bad people or that they don't love us, but we are nevertheless put in a situation that should never happen in the first place. It is not okay. And we are not obliged to pretend that it is first never feel that you need to force yourself to have a relationship with a boyfriend, girlfriend, or new spouse of your parent.
You have every right to take that at your own pace. You can be kind and cordial to them while still holding back from engaging in a relationship with them. If mom or dad are forcing you or even threatening you to have a relationship with their new spouse partner or their children kindly yet firmly place your boundaries, tell them what you will and will not allow if you need space, because the person is around all the timers, moved in, pick up a hobby or activity that you will enjoy and will take some time away from the house.
Start working a part-time job if possible, or stay with a friend or family member every so often. It's okay. Not to be able to handle the proximity of the situation. Part of the reason it's hard to watch your parents move on is that it's not supposed to be this way. Marriage is supposed to be for life.
It might sound idealistic, but that's what God intended and what the marriage vows promise. When that shatters it is naturally very disruptive. It's okay to feel that way. If you don't feel comfortable with it, you can admit to them that this isn't how it's supposed to be. Your parents moving on, can also ruin any hope you're holding onto that.
They would get back together subconsciously or consciously. We often hope that our parents might reunite and find a happy ending to their broken marriage, watching them date and remarry, Smothers that hope if you have concerns about a parent's dating relationship, communicate that to them. See the bonus material for a script on having a difficult conversation.
If your parent's significant other or stepparent is mistreating you. Don't stay silent. Tell your parents or a mentor. If your concerns are dismissed, place, proper boundaries to protect yourself at the end of the day, your direct influence on your parents is likely very limited, except that you have limited control over the situation.
It's not your responsibility to be your parents' moral policemen. It's not your responsibility to be the savior of their souls. It's not your responsibility to fix or change them. You can always speak the truth to them in love, but never think their actions are your fault. They're not instead focus on living your own life.
Give yourself what you need. Space time with friends, activities that bring you joy or even therapy to cope with this difficult situation, become the best version of your. Heal and grow. So you could feel whole again and experience the joy of living a life fully alive. Your example will speak louder than any words you say
Miranda. Another really important question. Uh, I think the first thing that comes to mind with it is we often get thrusted into some pretty awkward situations. Kind of like I mentioned with my friends, it can be really hard to just be forced into that without any sort of choosing on our end and having very little control over the situation.
Yeah. It's definitely, I think, depending on how your parents handle it and you know, when in the process it happens, it can be very traumatic. Mm-hmm um, that was certainly certainly the case for me. I. Yeah, it's just, it's really complicated I guess, but there's a lot of things that can go wrong, unfortunately with it and, you know, yeah.
It, it's, it's a tough, it's a really tough situation that I think is normalized. So, you know, it's kind of, if you watch a movie about, you know, people who are divorced or TV shows, or, um, just talking to, you know, your average person on the street, like, they're, they're gonna say that, you know, it's pretty normal.
Once, once people get divorced to start dating again, maybe not immediately after, but at some point in the future. And it's just treated like, it's a very normal thing that that is is okay. And, you know, I think it, people miss the effect that it has on the kids and how. Absolutely unnatural. It is for us and how, um, like disturbing it can be for us to see our, our mom and dad with, with someone who isn't our parent.
And there is this mentality of, and, you know, we kind of go into this in different parts of the book, but there is this mentality of like, you, you should want your parents to be happy. Mm. Um, and if you don't, you're not a good, you know, being a good kid, you're being selfish. And, you know, I think that's definitely a false dichotomy.
Like we absolutely want our parents to be happy, but, you know, to say that they need someone else to be happy. Like that's, that's not true. Even if they feel that way, that's not objectively a true statement, but also for, for your parent to date may not be the right thing. But also even if, if the situation, you know, maybe there was an enrollment and.
And dating is kind of permissible, you know, to have an expectation for us to like be on board right off the bat and, and like that there's no awkwardness that there's no, like pain is, is totally unfair. And I think it's really sad that so many of us have to go through this without feeling like we, we have our feelings, um, validated in any way.
Um, instead there it's very dismissed mm-hmm and depressed and. Just unfortunate all around, I think. Absolutely. And I love what you said about the question that a lot of people will ask like, well, don't you want your parents to be happy? And the answer it's kind of a loaded question cause the answer of course is like, well, yes I do.
But another perspective is, but not at all costs. It's like, there's a lot of things you can do that may make you give you some emotional satisfaction that might be really bad things to do. and we wouldn't say that we want our parents or anyone we know to be happy at the expense of doing something, you know, morally wrong or at the expense of doing something.
Um, that's just not good for them. And you know, like you said, in some cases, maybe it's, um, they're, you know, in a spot where they can date in other cases, they're not. Um, but either way we wouldn't say that we want them to be happy at any cost, cuz we wouldn't say that about anyone in our lives. And I think that a good question is, is it more important to be happy or is it more important to do what is right and.
It's a difficult question, cuz I think a lot of times in our culture, we just exalt happiness as like the ultimate goal and kind of anything it takes to get there is permissible, even if we hurt people along the way. And I think that's often what happens in situations like this. Um, again, there's a lot of details.
We're not judging every person's situation. I don't wanna make it sound like it's so black and white cuz sometimes there, you know, there's situations that deserve a little bit more nuance, but overall I think we can talk about these things like this and just caution that, um, when people ask you that question, there's more to it than just that.
And I think so often because of that pressure, we feel MERTA. We don't say anything, we just kind of shut our mouths and we. Yeah, just kind of keep quiet about what we might be struggling with. And especially if mom or dad just seem like they're in a better spot. Um, we might just be happy for them and not wanna kind of break up their sort of, um, you know, their dream or their happy place or whatever you wanna call it.
And, and it could be, it could be really hard. Absolutely. And I think a really hard part of this is when you are still living at home and you're going through this, you, you, you get this feeling of being trapped because mm-hmm, , this is painful. This is really uncomfortable. And so emotionally, like you're trapped in that regard, but then physically, you know, you're dependent on your parent.
You need to go home. Um, you need to spend time there and you might be in a situation where one of your parents started dating and like that person is over. A lot, like you, you physically, it feels like you're trapped. You know, it feels like you have, and I think, unfortunately that's when some of those unhealthy coping mechanisms that we talk about kick in.
Um, we talk about that in a different part of the book, but it's so inescapable like that, the pressing reality of like my mom or my dad is with someone new and I can't do anything about it. I can't say anything about it. I can't feel anything about it. And I also just like, can't get away from it, you know, cuz cuz I need to be home so I can do my homework or you know, go to sleep, you know, or eat, get some, you know, food, things like that.
I'm I'm dependent. So I think all of that, like we totally understandably turn, try to turn to things that will bring us any sort of comfort, any sort of relief, any sort of, yeah, just like just relief. And so that's when. I think, uh, a lot of us might turn to things that are actually like really, really destructive.
Um, but we feel like there's no other, there's nothing else we can do. Absolutely. I, it makes me think of a young woman that I corresponded with who, uh, I forget, I think it was a messy situation with her parents, but basically if she would've really said what she thought to her dad, he would've pulled away financial.
She, she knows that for certain. And so that's a really tough spot to be. And if you're, you know, dependent on your parents financially, like you said, it's really difficult to be able to express everything that you want maybe to them. And so I guess our advice here is first off, kinda like we covered in the, the book.
It's okay to feel whatever you feel like you have permission to feel that. And, you know, even if on the other end of the spectrum, this isn't a very big deal to you. Like maybe it's like, okay, I'd never really. Much about it. That's okay. You know, you, you don't have to totally have experience what Marin, ours sharing or the stories that we told.
Um, it's okay. Wherever you're at. That's okay. But, but it's okay to feel hurt by it if you do as well. And, uh, in that case, you might need to kind of fly under the radar a little bit until you can get on your own financially before you're able to maybe say the things that you really, that need to be said, and that could be a tough spot, but you can put little boundaries in place.
You can do some of the minor things in the meantime, even while you're living at home or dependent on your parents. Um, and then later maybe your. Could be a little bit more open with them now, ideally, you'd be able to be open with them even while you're at home, they would receive what you're saying and just like, love you through that and be empathetic.
But we all know that doesn't always happen, unfortunately. So you really have to be, uh, kind of cunning and, and just use your best judgment in these situations. That's why it's so difficult. I think we give some good principles, um, in the book and in this podcast, but then the application of those principles take some real judgment, take some real prudence and, and that can be hard.
Yeah. I just wanna encourage anyone who maybe it's struggling through this. And I, I just remember feeling like I had no one that I could talk to about it because everyone, whenever I did tried to bring it up, it was like, I mean, yeah, I can see where you're coming from, but this is normal. This is okay.
This is, you know, and, and I just, everywhere. I turned, you know, friends that loved me or family member, you know, everyone that. and all other regards were, were great people in my life for this specific issue. There was no real empathy. There was no true understanding because it's like, yeah, it's like going to the dentist, you know, it's like, it's not fun.
Mm-hmm , but it's part of life and it's normal and it's gonna be okay. And I just want you to know, you know, like it is okay to not be okay with this and to feel just pain and hurt. And sometimes, you know, you might feel betrayed or yeah, there can be a lot of really like angry, you know, you might feel angry about the situation.
So we, we definitely want to just offer like that empathy. And, you know, again, going back to our pre the previous question we addressed controlling the controllables, you know, you may not be in a position where. You can even talk to your parents about it. Hopefully, hopefully you can, but if you can't, you know, you, you do have control over, um, how you, how you handle the situation and you have control over ships or taking care of your yourself, physically.
Those are things that, that you do have control over. And, you know, even if it's in the smallest ways, uh, making, making, taking steps towards health. Yeah, I definitely. I think it's a hard, it's definitely can be a really tough situation to be in, but there's definitely a lot of hope too. Yeah, absolutely. And like you said, we certainly get it.
We've been through this ourselves. It's difficult. And I, I love your advice to talk to someone. So basically guys, everyone listening, talk to someone on the outside because especially if you're really dependent on mom or dad at home, it's important maybe to kind of get away from it and get in contact with someone who gets it, who really understands and who will empathize with you.
And who's not really in the midst of the situation. And so I wanted to give a little plug for our community. I think this is a great tool for you to do exactly that. And so if you wanted join our online community, you can go to restored ministry.com/community. Again, restored ministry, ministry, singular.com/community.
On there. You, you can discuss these things with young people like you who've been through them. We get it. Like you're never gonna face a situation where someone's like, uh, no, this is normal. Like, this is good. No, we, we get it. We're gonna talk truthfully to you and we're gonna listen empathetically. So we'd love to have you in the community.
Again. ReSTOR ministry.com/. Community. I think another very real struggle is kind of being forgotten when mom or dad move on in life. And that might be in a new family that might be, uh, in a new city that might just be not far away from where you're living now, but they just get so consumed with their new life that you're kind of put in the back burner.
And I've heard this, especially from people we've worked with Miranda who maybe mom or dad started, you know, another family, they have step siblings now. And it seems like the step siblings kind of get all the attention and it's almost like they're just forgotten and left over. And that is a really hard place to be.
Oh yeah. And I think it's like almost cliche, right? Like Cinderella, you know, stepsisters, get all the, get all the goods and Cinderella's kind of, you know, made the skull made. And I think most, most situations aren't that traumatic, but I do think that our parents, because. You know, they're in a new relationship.
They want to make a good impression. They want to, they go like overboard to, um, tend to step siblings and to, yeah. Give them attention, make them feel welcome, et cetera, et cetera. Mm-hmm . And so we're kind of the person that they're dating or the person that maybe they even are newly married to wanting to make everything go smooth.
So we might, you know, our relationship with our parents might fall on the wayside, which can also be really hard. And yeah, because the person they're dating, unfortunately, because which is, you know, an understandable reaction because that's not how it should. Right. It's so messy. It's so messy. And it's almost like we're a reminder of a past failure, right.
Being from the original family and this new family or new life is just a new start. It's kinda like a fresh start, so to speak. And so we just get forgotten and, and then it doesn't always happen. Not, we're not pretending it does. Sometimes parents, you know, do their best to balance both. Um, but it really shouldn't be this way.
And it's just so messy and such a hard place to be. I think another really common thing is kind of, like we mentioned in the book, uh, parent moving on really quickly, like after a divorce that happens a lot and that's like really damaging and hard. Um, but also moving on without telling you, like. It's really typical.
I remember one of my friends, one of my close friends in college, she, um, yeah, she just found out her dad was getting married. I think she might have just found out through like a, save the date or an invitation or something, man. That is tough. You know, when you maybe lose contact with one of your parents and then you find out, oh, they're getting married or they already got married and they already have a family.
And I know there's really messy situations where maybe there was an affair going on and there was this whole other family that, that your parent was providing for or engaging with that you had no clue about. So there can be a lot of surprise. There can be a lot of fast moving that can be really, really difficult to stomach.
Absolutely. One other thing I think we struggle with too, is I think all of us at some level have a hope that our parents could get back together and make their marriage work again, like heal the marriage, make it whole, bring our family back together. I, I think that's such a deep desire in all of us.
Like we just want our families to be whole. We just ultimately would want them to, to be back together. Even if we feel like that's not even possible. Even if we know intellectually, it's like, no, that would never happen. Uh, I think there's just this little shimmer of hope in most of our hearts that wants that at some level.
And I remember in the book that Layla Miller wrote a primal loss where she shares the stories of adult children of divorce. One of 'em said at some point, I don't remember what part of the book, but they basically said, uh, once one of their parents died, it really destroyed all hope. They had. For their parents to get back together and they didn't even realize they were holding onto that for years.
It was like the first thought that came into their mind when they found out that their mom or dad died. It was just that, oh, well I guess mom and dad won't get back together, which is really profound the years, a few years after the separation or divorce. That's, you know, a hope that we, that we have when we're faced with a situation where we, that hope is crushed like that, that hope is, um, is taken away from us.
Like it, it it's devastating. And it's like, it's a deep, very real loss. And I think it's something that needs to be acknowledged, you know, within us and of two people who had, had vowed to spend their, their lives together. Like. That is a good thing, you know, to, it might seem juvenile or like this is, you know, impossible would never happen.
And you know, most of the times it doesn't, but I think it's just important to affirm, like that is a good desire. That is a valid hope. And, you know, losing that when, when you're faced with, with parents, moving on is a true loss and it's something that needs to be grieved. So. Yeah, I think Myrta one thing you taught me a while back was that we all have this longing for redemption and you see that a lot in stories, whether it's a movie or a novel, how, you know, so many stories are stories of redemption where there's some brokenness or some big problem in a person's life.
And then the whole story is really a struggle to deal with that and to come through on the other side. And so I think, like you said, it's just so natural and normal to, to feel this desire. Um, even if it won't become a reality or even if it can't become a reality, cuz maybe, you know, one parent died or there's like an really toxic, abusive situation that the parents have to be separated.
It, it it's so hard, but it makes sense. Absolutely. One thing that you'll notice guys that we put a lot in this book, it's kind of recurring theme is that you just need to focus on yourself. It doesn't mean you shouldn't love and help other people or love and help your parents in some ways, but that the focus needs to be on you.
And like we covered in the commentary on the last, uh, question from the book. We really want you to know that you have to control what you can control. You have to just focus on becoming the best you, and through that, it'll be the best thing you can do to, to help your mom or your dad. And so we, we really reemphasize that again and again, in the book.
And so I just wanna encourage you to pick up the book, get the book. Um, I'll tell you a little bit in the outro, how to do that. Um, but we really, really, um, hope this is helpful. We've been working on this for a long time. We've put a lot of thought into it and gotten a lot of feedback on how to make it better.
And so this really is a manual, a playbook for you to navigate these difficult situations. Um, and one thing I, I know for myself, it's like, even if I know some of these things, one, it's always good to be reminded and two in a really intense situation. It's easy for all that knowledge to just go out the window.
And so if you have something physically before you like this book where you can, in a situation where you're struggling with your parents, or you wanna know how to deal with them, moving on. You can just open up that question, read it and be reminded, uh, of what you can do, what you should do in that situation.
And also just receive some empathy from, from us, uh, from me writing this book because you, you deserve that. You really do. And so, uh, one thing I also wanted to say, I know in the content that I read, there's some mention of bonus material. So bonus material, there's a bunch of bonus material that we include.
I won't go into it right now, but we include with the book that is meant to help you even further. So that comes free when you purchase the book, but it's really there to, to offer a little bit more guidance than we were able to cover within the content of the book itself. Miranda, thank you so much for, for being here.
Thanks for discussing this. I think this is gonna help a lot of people.
I wanna leave you with a question that you can think about you can reflect on and that's this, what are one or two things that you can do? To love and help your parents today, or this week,
give that some thought, come up with some really practical things that you can do. And hopefully the content in this episode helped you figure that. Again, you could get the first chapters for free from my new book. It's not your fault. A practical guide to navigating the pain and problems from your parents' divorce.
Just go to ReSTOR ministry.com/books. Again, ReSTOR ministry, ministry, singular.com/books. Just enter your name and email and we'll send you the first chapters for free. Go to ReSTOR ministry.com/books. Or just click the link in the show notes. The resources mentioned on the show notes@restoredministry.com slash 52.
Thank you so much for listening, and this has been useful. Feel free to subscribe, and if you know someone who's struggling from their parents to divorce or broken marriage, share this podcast with them always remember you are not alone. We're here to help you feel whole again and become the person that you are born to be.
