You Have Experienced Both a Significant Trauma and a Genuine Injustice
2 minute read.
This story was written by Lincoln Brown at 28 years old. His parents divorced when he was 11. He gave permission for his story to be shared.
HIS STORY
Simply put, my mother picked my brother and I up from school one day and took us to a new house, just near my childhood home/father’s house. My father didn’t know this was going to happen, or where my mother was moving to. They had always had a turbulent relationship, but this was a dramatic escalation that I did not anticipate. I was stunned but I helped my mother unpack boxes, which I suppose was because I thought that if I was helpful and maybe I could potentially calm her down and improve the situation. I remember asking my mother whether we would be back home by Christmas and she said that she didn’t know, which is when I started crying. The next day, my father found me as school was ending and made me take him to my mother, which of course ruined her plans of keeping her whereabouts secret, and they had a big fight. That describes the event of the separation itself.
HOW THE DIVORCE MADE HIM FEEL
I was unable to trust my parents after this happened. I felt a great sense of loss and grief, and I was confused about whether it had been my fault, and whether they would get back together.
HOW THE DIVORCE IMPACTED HIM
I became a very angry teenager. I felt unable to share my true emotions with family members. I felt ashamed of my desire for an intact family and told myself to toughen up and get over it for many years.
ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS JUST SEPARATED OR DIVORCED
Give yourself permission to be honest about how you feel. You have experienced both a significant trauma and a genuine injustice.
WHAT DO YOU THINK NEEDS TO BE DONE TO HELP TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS FROM DIVORCED AND SEPARATED FAMILIES?
I think that spaces where divorce is acknowledged as a trauma and where children of divorce can share their stories, find good role models, and support one another would be transformative.
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