My Parents’ Divorces Changed Me
3 minute read.
This story was written by Victoria Garcia at 39 years old. Her parents divorced when she was 3. She gave permission for her story to be shared.
HER STORY
My parents were divorced when I was 3. Both of my parents remarried. I lived with my father and my sister went with my mother. My dad remarried when I was four. When my second mother was 7 months pregnant with my brother and I was so excited to be a big sister. My dad told the two of us that we had two days to spend together and that he was leaving my mom. My dad flew me out to a different state to live with my grandparents for a year while he flew to another state and set up a life with his new girlfriend. He came and got me after a year. My dad and his new girlfriend remarried when I was 10 years old. I did not have any contact with my second mom or brother for the next 12 years. I remember being confused in school because I had gone through three different schools, three different states, in three different households in like a year and a half. I look back now and I’m devastated at how it all happened. I very much had empathy with my dad because his parents were both married two or three times each; as I have become a parent, I’m just now realizing the effects that had on me and that I have feelings too and they were valid, though at the time they were not. My dad was like my best friend during his second marriage, and when I came to live with him and his new girlfriend, he was a completely different person.
School was a struggle. My new stepmom had me go through ADHD stuff and I had this obsession with boys and wanting to be married and be a mom and a wife. I was also molested at seven years old during my dad’s second marriage by a friend’s older sister and I did not tell anybody. That led me into a life of masturbation. At 16 years old I got pregnant at my first sexual encounter and had an abortion because I thought my parents would kick me out of the house. As you could imagine that devastated me and put me in a downward spiral because I just wanted to be a mom and a wife. I was engaged two separate times and married once for eight years. With my ex-husband, between the two of us, we had 11 parents and I just wanted to make it work. I only wanted to be married one time. Well, that ended in 2021. I knew that my parents’ divorces changed me, but it wasn’t until I listened to the restored podcast that I felt validated! I listened to the first podcast and streams of tears rolled down my eyes because I do not know anybody else who has had three sets of marriages by 10. I always felt like an outcast. I always felt like the black sheep and I grew up to be the black sheep; drug addictions, alcohol abuse, unhealthy relationships, you name it…that was me.
HOW THE DIVORCE MADE HER FEEL
I was pretty lost when I moved back with my dad and his new girlfriend. I felt out of place, alone, and probably confused. I honestly don’t remember my dad or his new girlfriend/my new mom(mom#3 if you’re counting) ever talking to me about what happened; I was never offered counseling.
HOW THE DIVORCE IMPACTED HER
Not feeling heard, valued, or worthy of love. Not knowing what a relationship is supposed to look like, never sharing my feelings, and more.
ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS JUST SEPARATED OR DIVORCED
Look to God. Find a family member that hears you, a mentor. Share your feelings.
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