Dear Divorce
3 minute read
The article below was written by Miranda Rodriguez (pictured above). She gave permission for the article to be shared on Restored’s blog. It originally appeared on her blog, Miranda Kate.co. For the Spanish version, go here.
Dear divorce,
Thanks to you, I learned nothing on earth lasts as long as it should.
Dear divorce,
You spread the heinous lie that ‘happiness’ is on the other side of leaving, that it’s the only answer.
You convinced them that ‘children are resilient;’ after all, we ‘want you to be happy.’
Dear divorce,
You taught me to trust no one, not even those who say ‘I love you’, not even myself.
Dear divorce,
You showed me how my world can come crashing down on me at any moment – so don’t get too comfortable.
Dear divorce,
You made nights slow torture as I tried to manage the pain in the darkness alone.
Stop crying
Stop crying
Stop crying.
Dear divorce,
You taught me to isolate myself, to keep my distance, to remain unattached, to fear instead of love.
Dear divorce,
You made me desperate for attention but wary of affection.
You convinced me to cling instead of trust, because they will leave.
They will.
Dear divorce,
You caused guilt to follow me every day of my life. Guilt that envelops me, though it wasn’t my fault.
It wasn’t my fault
It wasn’t my fault
It wasn’t my fault.
Dear divorce,
You made closeness feel impossible, love seem unattainable.
Dear divorce,
You made me feel unlovable – that I am not worthy and never good enough.
You told me that something is wrong with me – it must be.
Dear divorce,
You filled me with rage but gave me no way to express it. You told me to shove it down, deep deep deep.
I’m angry
I’m angry
I’m angry.
Dear divorce,
You left me with the heart of a broken child, a heart too weak to love, too hurt to be held.
It hurts.
Dear divorce,
You stole my haven, my comfort, my security. You just took it.
You bastard.
Dear divorce,
You’ll never know what it’s like to make a vow to someone and keep it until you die.
You’ll never grow old with the person you promised “till death do us part.”
You’ll never experience the unconditional love from one person all of your days.
You’ll never know what it’s like to come home to the same people, the same person, year after year.
Dear divorce,
You’ll never know what they mean: the words ‘love’ and ‘family’ and ‘stay’.
Dear divorce,
You will miss out on countless moments: Hugs and kisses, tears and breakthroughs, fights and grief, forgiveness and reconciliations, firsts and lasts. You lost them and you will never get them back.
The ghosts of memories will haunt you until your lonely death.
What could have been.
You’ll never know what could have been, what was on the other side of staying – the forgiveness, the grace, the love.
I pity you.
Dear divorce,
You thought you had me. You believed I would buy into the treacherous lies, but I won’t.
You have led many others astray, lured them with your siren’s call, but not me.
I will never be yours – I have seen too much.
The charm of ‘freedom’ is only loneliness. The happiness you promise is empty – a black hole of egotistical wishes.
I know the suffering, I know the fallout, I know the pain. I know.
I will never choose you – not as long as I live.
You are dark, sad and alone.
I pity you.
Dear divorce,
Thanks to you, I know that I will never be yours.
To hear Miranda read and discuss the article, go here.
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