#089: How to Become Fit and Healthy | Dakota Lane
According to research, people like us from divorced or broken families are typically less physically healthy. If that describes you, or you simply want to become healthier, this episode will help.
Fitness and nutrition coach Dakota Lane shares how the abuse and dysfunction in his family impacted his relationships and how he’s found healing. He also offers advice on how to become fit and healthy by answering questions such as:
How much water should you drink every day?
How much should you sleep?
Is exercise or nutrition more important?
If you have very little time to work out, what can you do?
How do you stay motivated and disciplined?
Hire Dakota or view his services
Find a coach, counselor, or spiritual director
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Dakota Lane
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TRANSCRIPT
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Did you know that according to research, people like us who come from divorced or broken families are typically less physically healthy and if that describes you or maybe you simply want to become healthier. This episode is gonna help a lot. I'm joined by fitness and nutrition coach Dakota Lane, who shares his story, how the abuse and dysfunction in his family growing up really impacted him and his relationships, but he also shares how he's found healing. He also offers advice on how to become fit and how do we get healthier by answering questions like how much water should you drink every day? How much sleep should you get? Is exercise or nutrition more important? If you have very little time to work out, what can you do and how do you stay motivated and disciplined? His story is honestly really inspiring and his advice is really, really helpful, super practical stuff. So keep listening. Welcome to the restored podcast, helping you heal and grow from the trauma of your parents, divorce separation or broken marriage so you can feel whole again, I'm your host, Joey Pontarelli, thank you so much for listening. This is episode 89 and as mentioned, my guest today is Dakota Lane. Dakota is a husband father, he's an international nutrition and fitness coach and he's the owner of Dakota Lane Fitness where he creates personalized nutrition plans and exercise programs with around the clock accountability and coaching to help you experience life at the heights. Dakota has won numerous awards, including first place in the Rocky Mountain men's physique championship, He's been featured on nine news, the coaster podcast and the Christopher nick show. He's been a keynote speaker at seek regis university, Fort Hays State University, Inferno Men's Conference and more. He's a certified personal trainer and holds a master's degree in leadership. He lives in colorado with his wife, Caitlin and their daughter. So without waiting any longer. Here's my conversation with Dakota Lane Dakota. So good to have you on the show man. Thanks for making time. Absolutely man. Thanks for having me, glad to be here. I want to get into your fitness business and how you coach people on fitness and nutrition. But before we get there, I'd like to start with your story. I'm curious how old were you when things at home became dysfunctional and however comfortable you are sharing what happened there. Yeah, so it's a pretty wild story. I mean it starts before I was born, I think it does for most of us with, with my parents, obviously on their own dysfunction in their own life. My dad kind of grew up in, in somewhat dysfunctional family but um, was just kind of his own, his own breed. Um, and just had a lot of, you know, struggles himself. He ended up becoming a navy seal actually really incredible and then a really successful entrepreneur businessman, but alcoholism, drug abuse like throughout the years, a lot of kind of just dysfunction and Brokenness there for himself. Um, hit up sobering up before he met my mom but was homeless at one point before that on my mom's side. Um she was kind of crazy if you will from from very early age started smoking and drinking at nine years old, moved to new york when she was 18, became an actress out there, very successful career, but also kind of the party scene um drugs and alcohol kind of took their course and she actually also ended up homeless living in the subways of new york and um sobered up as well. Met my dad, so that's kind of the foundation of of where they met as they say, in alcoholics anonymous, like typically you shouldn't have to addicts marrying each other and so it broke that rule to start, my mom wasn't supposed to have kids actually, she was, she was medically infertile and so both my brother and I were miracles and um kind of started off actually just on a wasn't wasn't plan and my parents weren't married, they just kinda got together and my brother happened and they started to make it work from there. So the first thing like really admirable that they were committed to like making that happen, A lot of people don't have the gift of that of parents who kind of stick around in a situation like that, but we did and even though in the beginning my dad wasn't didn't want to be a part of eventually jumped on board and married my mom and that was that and I was born three years after that. So that's kind of where things started and it's funny, I was actually um in therapy today just talking about my parents and their own personality disorders and things like that. And just learning more about their own past really gave me a lot of insight. So just to kind of make things brief, they really started kind of as long as I can remember a lot of of just abuse, mental, emotional, verbal and then later on physical and it was a lot of, a lot of just like of a controlling environment and it wasn't, it wasn't like always that way. It wasn't around the clock per se, but it was very, it was very up and down with my dad. Um it was very high and low and so just, you know, with his own dysfunction, a lot of it, he took out of my mom, but then eventually kind of more towards me and my brother. So you know, I remember many, many times growing up going to bed and just like listening and hearing him screaming at her and just, you know, a lot of that stuff that people like us who grew up into these kind of homes experience. And my mom's been through the wringer ever since. She's had cancer three times. Um the first time when I was in elementary school and then two times later on as I got into middle school and high school, um she also had a brain tumor. And so a lot of just stuff dealing with really like severe medical diagnosis is and really really sick for most of my life. Um and really should have died was really kind of on the brink of death many times and coupling that with my dad And his own narcissism and just his own behavioral stuff, there was just a lot of dysfunction. So he was sober as I mentioned. But things got really rocky my sophomore year of high school when he relapsed, he was sober for 22 years and then relapsed my sophomore year of high school. And from there it was kind of just things just unraveled. He got really heavily back into drinking obviously and then got into cocaine as well. And I think the craziest thing for me, I mean my whole life, I had always kind of had to take more of like a parental role if you will, your parents are supposed to pour into you and I seem to find myself pouring more into them. But really within those moments it was like he was coming to me for advice and not just like good advice but even just like abusive advices, I would call them like Dakota, how do I deal with your mom, Like she's so hard to deal with and I want to divorce her and X, Y and Z. And you know, he threatened divorce my entire life hundreds of times and actually file divorce papers at one point and recall them. It was more like a power play controlling mechanism. But I'm kind of seeing him on the you know that position just really unraveled and then my mom, you know going through cancer, him living with his relapse alcoholism and he ended up getting a domestic violence charge and going to jail for that. And then he got out and later on went went to jail for a D. U. I. So yeah just a lot of a lot of dysfunction and and to this day there's there's still quite a bit of function dysfunction they've they've remained married. My dad actually moved to Cancun Mexico about seven years ago. He's been there pretty much ever since lives there full time and my mom travels back and forth from Denver to Mexico. And yeah very interesting relationship and I was actually like just getting really good insight today during therapy about kind of why they've stayed married and how the interplay of my mom's own personality. Um Well personality disorders and my dad's like kind of exchange to kind of create this toxic cycle and they're both some of the most amazing people you'll ever meet which is just which is wild. Um Nobody would really ever have any clue. And I think that's the case a lot of times. Some dysfunctional people is like you don't always see it on the outside and that's what can be, it is what happens behind closed doors other people don't necessarily see. So, you know, growing up going to church, people would just see us as the lane family, you know, the successful business guy, the, you know, super loving mom and then behind closed doors of experiencing something just totally different and I think, you know, other people would relate to that. So for me it was, it's it's kinda, yeah, it's very interesting that they've, you know, stayed married, but as my mom says, you know, I made vows and I want to stay committed to those. So I've always admired that in her and you know, there's times I think, you know, justifiably that she could certainly have some more separation and now she kind of has that naturally just with the location and I think that's been a real blessing actually is that she's able to get kind of a break. So yeah, that's just to share, kind of a bit into it and, you know, it's obviously affects me and my own ways, It's affected my brother in his own ways and it's been a very wild up and down ride and we all have different, different levels of dysfunction, but it was certainly, it was, it was difficult, it was really tough to grow up in that environment and yeah, it created a lot of, a lot of really tough things to work through as I have been growing up. But that's kind of the that's the whole point. You can either become bitter, you can become better and so I'm trying to choose the better out. Thanks No man, so good. Well thanks for sharing so openly and yeah, it's a lot of people find themselves in the same spot like a ton of dysfunction in their families and even if their parents aren't officially separated or divorced, they might act like they're separated or divorced or things might be so unhealthy that they might even benefit from some time apart. So I totally get that. But man such an the word that came to mind when you were describing your childhood and just yeah, the years growing up is just intense, you know, intense dysfunction. It's like that's a ton to go through and being the man you are, you know, knowing you a little bit like I'm so impressed that you are where you are because most people do the opposite opposite direction and we'll get into all of that and you alluded to it already. I'm curious like how did it affect you growing up and all that? How did it affect you over the years? What were the main ways would you say? Yeah, it was really tough. Yeah, I mean my own temperament, I'm a very empathetic, very compassionate person and that's where it was very tough for me to kind of constantly be in these abused positions and then you know and then having my dad come back and ask forgiveness and things like that, and then, you know, just constantly taking them back, kind of, created my own toxic cycle. Yeah, I think it affects everyone definitely depending on our own personality and for me, I was really, really grateful that decently early on. I mean, it's kind of how I got into my faith a bit. Honestly, it was just kind of, I got to the point where I was like, I don't I can't do this anymore, like, if this is all life has to offer, I'm out, like, this is awful, and that's kinda how I found my my faith, but then I threw that, I found some really good people to, kind of help and started therapy early on. And so for me, it was, like, I didn't see as much of the immediate effects for myself in those moments. Um I was just really trying to you just try to stay alive and try to cope with it as best you can. It's, kind of more later on, like, getting into relationships, getting into a work life, running a business, you know, having kids relationships with the people that's really where you start to, kind of, see, at least for me to see where it comes out more thankfully, like, I didn't get into substances myself um I never, my brother, kind of, you know, he was more attracted to, like, the escapism of substances. I was much more the type of person I really wanted to enter in. I wanted to be the, like, the confront, er so I would confront my dad and I wanted to deal with something right away, and that's led to several fights with my dad physical fights, and so for me, it was like, I really wanted to deal with it, so, and, kind of enter into it, so, for me, like, where it had affected me more, was more in the emotional side, and so I I started to seek more emotional affirmation, um and so, like, with, you know, relationships with girls is really where it started to kind of impact me, was just searching for that affection and searching for affirmation stuff that you normally should be getting from your home, if you're in a functional home um that I just wasn't getting. And so it was kind of, it was an interesting scenario where I had a lot of decent, like, head knowledge, just based off my own research, my faith people that I had surrounded myself within my trajectory of my life when I was really getting in my faith in the plan on going to a catholic seminary afterwards after high school. So, I was, I was kind of coupling this whole thing of, like, building all these virtues, having all this head knowledge, but also having a ton of these just, like, behaviors that I was trying to figure out, like, man, why is this stuff so hard for me to overcome or like why am I? You know, I don't have such strong inclinations and of course it was because of a lot of dysfunction. So yeah, the primary ways was for me, looking for that emotional affirmation as a man. Um you know, am I good enough? Do I have what it takes, that type of thing and trying to get those answers? And then now, for me, it's played out later on. So yeah, I was really grateful that it didn't affect me in the same way that it does for some people in their own childhood. Like I didn't become super rebellious, I didn't become super like, violent or angry. Um in fact, it really made me dive more deeply into my own heart and if anything, it softened my heart in certain ways, which is unique. So it's kind of more so now doing the work later on to see, you know, what were ways that it did affect me and how is it still affecting me? Wow. No, it makes so much sense. And you're actually not alone in the relationship struggle piece, like how some of the effects from the your dysfunctional family came out later in life, especially in your relationships. The research that I've seen says that that's actually the biggest area of our lives that's impacted by our parents, divorce or dysfunction at home, and the basic reason is that we really lack a roadmap for love, like we've seen a really broken model of love and marriage and so when it's our turn, we feel lost, we don't have the skills that we need, we don't know what it looks like to build a marriage to build healthy relationships and so you're not alone there at all, that was certainly my story as well, but that man so much there, thanks for let me let me, I just want to mention one thing that you mentioned about the marriage piece, I think it was really critical for me, as I mentioned, I went to a catholic seminary after high school, so I was looking at becoming a catholic priest, which is pretty wild um and during my formation, you know, they do a lot of the places that I was that had really good formation and I was extremely convicted, like I would say I was 1000% convinced I was going to be a priest, like beyond a shadow of a doubt, I had so many experiences that were just beyond explanation of things and when I began really diving into my formation, the really key piece that I began to see when I ended up deciding to leave seminary was that just like you mentioned the roadmap of love that I had been given the model of marriage that I had been given, it was broken and so I realized like as a kid that I kind of made this inner inner vow if you want to call it that or this inner impression that if you want to be truly great, if you want to be truly successful, if you want to be somebody who's awesome or holy, you can't do that in a marriage because marriages are broken, they're messy. And when I began to realize healing in that, that's when I realized that like, oh, I'm actually not called to be in seminary, I'm not called to be a priest, like I'm actually called to live out a beautiful marriage. So it was just, I just want to mention that that for me it was um it was that that little shift of transition of like the fact that the math that I had had made me so jaded towards that experience that I had felt, you know, something completely different and thankfully I had gone there and I got so much good formation, made so many good friends and healed through a lot of my own issues. Um so it's cool to kind of see the way God works, but it kind of took that realization of like, wow, yeah, my my model of marriage was so broken that I just kind of subconsciously decided that I can't, I can't be a part of that. So yeah, very interesting, Yeah, thanks for adding that, wow, no and use the word subconscious and you have me here thinking, I wonder if we all on some level, those of us who come from broken families believe that we're doomed to repeat the same dysfunction that we saw at home. And maybe we believe that we can't succeed in a marriage. We can't be like healthy whole fully live people because I know that's something I've wrestled with to just even believing that a healthy marriage can exist. And then further than that, believing that I could actually accomplish that it is a real struggle. Yeah, absolutely. And I think for myself, I think there's two kind of ways to go about it. I'm a very like competitive person myself, but I think for me it was like, yeah, I think there is that subconscious, like just an underlying doubt of like, man, can I can I actually do this. For me, it was almost like I will do this, like I want to do this so badly and I'm competitive so I'm gonna do everything that I can not to repeat those cycles and that that can be a good thing, but it can also become like unhealthy because you start to like kind of be in denial and it's like you don't see how it's actually affecting you. And I think it's better to have more of just like a realistic approach of like, okay, this is what I've been through, here's how it is affecting me. Um and then for me, like I said, being in therapy is just super good um to just like be more aware, but to again, just not repeat the cycle and that's obviously the message that you provide and the message that I would echo is like that there is hope that you don't have to repeat the cycle. And one thing that was really cool when I was talking to my therapist today, we were talking about just like actually the beauty of going through some of these things, it sounds like kind of craft because it's going through, it's horrible. You wouldn't wish it on anybody but going through it like the fruits that can be born out of some of these extremely tumultuous um scenarios are just so vibrant because of what you've been through and so like some of the most successful people in the world, some of the people that we look up to, like a lot of them come from really dysfunctional place and I think it it kind of like harbors this seed in us that kind of springs forth from like these ashes that it's kind of the phoenix where it's like new life rises and yeah, you, you you do see the cycle repeat a lot, but with the right support with the right people with the right whatever it may be, like, the trajectory can be so incredible. So for me it's like, it's never a shameful thing to be like, this is where I came from. Even for my parents, if I were to talk to them like, um, you know, they're aware of like of what happened and like they're not naive to it. So for them it's like, yeah, I do. I am, I glad it happened. No, it wasn't horrible. Yeah, there's a lot of horrible things, but I wouldn't be who I am today without it. And there's a lot of things about it that have made me better, you know, as weird as that is to say, no, I checked with you 100% and I think it is amazing to see how down the road, those really painful experiences like you said, so well can then be transformed into something that's really good and beautiful and even helpful to other people who might be going through that themselves. And I love how you're a few times you've said that, you know, you've put in the work, like you've gotten the formation as a person, You've worked on building virtue, you've disciplined yourself, you have the self mastery that you're continually working on every day. Um, you're, you're pursuing healing through therapy and I'm sure there's other things you pursued as well. And I think that that's key. That's so key. I love the quote from jerry rice, the NFL receiver, he said, I will do today what others won't, so I can do tomorrow, what others can't And I love that quote so much because it's like if you put in the 1% effort or not 1% effort, but make those 1% changes, those little improvements continually over time and that's what the quote is saying, like, you're gonna be able to have something that a lot of people can't have because of where they're at, and I think that's really beautiful and I've seen that in a lot of different areas of your life, which is amazing. Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. I think that's what can be scary for people is like you mentioned a lot of these things come out later on relationships and it can be scary because it's like some of these things have laid dormant and they don't necessarily come out until later on, especially when it comes to like sexual abuse and things like that. Um I know, you know, several people who had just like really difficult experiences um like on their wedding night even um something that should be so beautiful and like giving a gift of yourself and like, even just waiting to share this moment with your spouse and it becomes a kind of a trigger of trauma. And so you kind of get to this moment of crisis where you're like, oh my gosh, like, here I am like as an adult trying to start my life and I'm having all these traumatic things come up and it can be really discouraging to be like, man, am I ever gonna have healing? I thought I thought I got out of this, like, that happened when I was a kid or high school or whatever and so I think it's important to what you said, um it's important that even in my own business, which we'll talk about it, like it doesn't matter what age you are, our bodies are so resilient, our minds, our hearts, our spirits. Like you can heal, you can become better no matter the Brokenness that you've been through, no matter where you've been and that's what's super cool but can also be discouraging. That's why it's helpful to have people to kind of rally along with you because that you mentioned, no, it's not gonna happen overnight. You're not going to go to one therapy session and come out and just be the perfect role model wife or a, role model husband or mom or dad or employee or whatever it may be. It takes worse. Yeah, it would be really nice if we could just, yeah, shoot ourselves something and be healed. It would be nice. But it wouldn't, it wouldn't be, it wouldn't be true. It wouldn't, it wouldn't honor what we've been through and the fact that This hurt happens over time, over years, even, you know, obviously sometimes it's just one instance that can cause years of trauma, but yeah, it takes time to heal that and that's okay. Um and it's not going to be perfect, but for my experience, it's, it's worth, like you said putting in that 1% work, I love that. So good. Speaking of coping and healing, what were the maybe two or three things that helped the most? You already mentioned a bunch, but I'm just curious if you would add to that. Yeah. So number one I would say, well I guess I would, I would put them as equals um therapy and then for me, I don't know how to, it would be like kind of my my prayer life or just like my my fraternity with like brothers or other other people to kind of journey with me in my, you know, healing in my faith. So therapy really I would say is the number one thing and a lot of people have bad experiences from therapy. I just had a guy messaged me yesterday, um, and was telling me about, you know, I was encouraging him, you know, man try therapy. It's so, so freeing and he was like, I've tried and they were like, they kind of almost sounded abusive and so yeah, there's, there can be bad therapists out there, just like any any rule. But if you find a good one, it's so important. Honestly. If I were to have any piece of advice for anybody, whether you had a dysfunctional family or not, it's just like go to therapy honestly, it's just a way to have somebody to help you look at your life and to be better like and that's really what we're all looking to do anyways and if you find the right person, it's just so freeing and healing. So for me, um I've had several over the years, I started in high school um as kind of just part of my own, you know, journey towards seminary and then when I was in seminary, even out of seminary in college, I had therapist, I've had, you know, I've had really good ones over the years, I've had some who are okay. The one I have now is just phenomenal. And so that's that for me has been super super healing to have somebody that you can number one go to, who's going to validate what you've been through and be like, number one, I recognize that you've been through that and that that's super messed up, but and that how you're feeling is completely normal. And I think that's a, like that's a really tough thing is that we go through this dysfunction, it affects us in these ways that make us act in behaviors or have these feelings that are kind of shameful at times and we don't like to, you know, admit to it and it's nice to have somebody to be like, you're not a freak because you do that because you have this addiction because you, you know are abusive in whatever way it's like it makes sense that you are this way because of what you've been through. So now let's take what you've been through and try to unravel in a bit and see those parts of you that have been wounded and see if we can unburden them and he feel them so that you can kind of change your behavior now. So it's important I think to to know that you're not, you're not a freak. So yeah, that for me, therapy has been one and then for me, you know, prayer has been the other one that's just been absolutely transformative. And of course not everybody shares the same faith background. But I think for me it's about having recognizing kind of like a mentions that there's power outside of myself that I don't have control over that there's a plan for my life that there is a God who loves me and cares about me, who's also in those moments of dysfunction and of hurt, who knows that better than anyone else because he was there with me in that and so entering. It's a prayer for a lot of people can, you know, that could be, it could be also triggering if it's like, you know, your dad's the one who kind of gave you these issues and then people are talking about God as a father and it's like, no, my father is like a complete a hole, but you know when you begin to unravel that and realize what a true father should look like or how God actually interacts with us, how he made us, there's there's something beautiful to that. So those are the two main things and the third thing for me which will tie kind of into my business is, I don't know how I want to say, but living a fully human life, taking care of like human functions, eating well, sleeping well, taking care of my body, making good decisions with my health. It's amazing how many things can either diminish or go away in the psychological realm when you start to take care of your body, even something like when you look at the research and anxiety and, and depression, like the amount of anxiety and depression that can either be coped with mitigated or you know, hell altogether through living a life of, of balanced nutrition, fitness and taking care your body is amazing. Um there's some really fascinating research on it, so that for me is the other piece of like taking care of myself, because a lot of times dysfunction in our life is going to, it's going to kind of lead itself to dysfunction in other areas of our own life. And so, you know, that can happen with so many people with eating eating disorders or it can happen with just not taking care of ourselves for not believing that that were worth it to, to look good and feel good things like that. So those are kind of the three things that, for me have been really transformative dude, really wise and there's so much more, I want to learn from you. I'm already learning a ton, but thanks for sharing that and that research is fascinating because I think a lot of times people think of fitness and we'll get to this in a little bit. But as just, oh, I just want, you know, big arms or a six pack or whatever and it's like, no, no, it's actually so much more and there's so many benefits. I'm glad you touched on that and I appreciate it. I want to focus on your life for a little bit more here. And the question I have is, how is your life different now that you've been doing these things to heal, to build virtue to, you know, kind of transform that dysfunction into living like a really good, beautiful solid life. How's your life better now? Many ways? Many, many ways. I think the first thing is, as I mentioned, like the healing doesn't happen overnight. I've been going to therapy since I was in high school. I've been talking about these things that I've been through since I was in high school, I've, you know, tried to make amends with my dad over the years. Like I've done a lot of work and it doesn't happen overnight. So there's still areas in my life that are um, healing that are dysfunctional. Um, I think for me, the biggest way that it's different is that I'm able to recognize things a lot better. What I mean by that is especially with things like the type of therapy that I'm doing, which is like, I think it's called the internal family system basically you, you begin to start to learn about parts of yourself that over the years have been wounded and kind of abandoned, so imagine if you will, you're the seven year old kid in your house, your dad's coming home drunk and you know, you start to hear him like hitting your mom, whatever, screaming all that kind of stuff like that kid in that position, they can get left behind within ourselves and they create these wounded parts of ourselves that then kind of stay in the path and then as a result of that we create these other parts of ourselves where the firefighter parts manager parts protect your parts and these behaviors that protect that. So now, you know every time in your life or somebody you know where you're around somebody who's drunk, it's kind of triggering and you start to get like this anxiety and it's like angry, you don't know where it's coming from, it's that part of you that's kind of left behind, it still is like that seven year old kid who who hasn't been kind of brought to where you're at. So for me recognizing those parts of myself that have been wounded, give me more insight into where I met currently, so now when I'm in a conversation with my wife and she said something and I get triggered and I start to like get anxiety or anger in my mind, I'm able to say, well that makes sense, Like that's that's the part of me that X, Y or Z. That, you know, that's the part of me that used to listen to the events and wanted to protect my mom and the fact that my wife said something, I wanted to set a boundary with my mom is triggering something in me because I've always been there to protect them to fix things for my mom. So it gives me more recognition to be able to see things how they are and so what you're able to do then is you're able to act from a place of control as opposed to acting from a place of emotion. Um and so you, you operate your life instead of like from those parts, you operate your life from where you are currently and you recognize those parts, so those parts don't control you. And so for me that's the biggest difference is that I'm able to kind of see my life because those triggers are gonna come up no matter what, like they're gonna be there. The important part is how you react to those and how you're gonna cope and deal with those. And so for me now I'm able to just better recognize and you know, take control that situation. So that's one thing and then I would say the other for me is really being able to have more freedom in my relationships with others, but primarily my relationship with myself where I think sometimes dysfunction for us can almost kind of create this disassociation with ourselves. We're just like you just don't really know who you are because you've been either told all these lies all these years, if you felt all these things or the love that you should have got, you didn't or you know, we've believed these lies that were not good enough or whatever it may be. And so you don't have a clear idea of who you are as a man or woman and what you're about. And so for me that's been really freeing to know who I am and what I'm about and I can act from that place. And then when there's behaviors, temptations compulsion, whatever it may be that come up within me, I'm able to kind of mirror that against. Is this really who I am or what I'm about or is this something else that kind of happened to me that's triggering these things. And then in those situations like when you are around those drunk people and you have that trigger because your dad is an alcoholic, whatever you're able to stop and recognize it and say, okay, that's that part of me that feels that And you can say, you know, one of the things I do is like you ask that part, if you just give me a few moments, I know that you want to come protect me and that you feel like we're in a place of threat. I'm not, I'm 29 years old, I'm very capable of taking care of myself. If you just give me a few minutes to kind of like deal with this, we're going to be okay and then I'll kind of give you the attention, you need to kind of separate those emotions from your experience so that you're not just having to react everything, we have more control. So I know it's kind of a lot of different things, but just to kind of go back briefly to the two things, number one would be recognizing again, just those environmental things inside of me and reacting to and then knowing myself better of who I am, my identity. Um so I'm acting more from a place of of my true self if you will as opposed to a place of of wounded nous and Brokenness. So good, wow! So much there and like Dakota mentioned guys, that's Internal Family systems therapy, that's one particular therapy model that therapists will practice. And so if that sounds like something that would be helpful for you and if you're looking for a therapist, I'll mention something at the end about how we can help you find one. But if you're just looking on your own, that's just a great tip. If you want to do internal family systems, sometimes you'll see I. F. S. And it can be really, really helpful. It's a very effective therapy model. It's actually benefited me personally too, and I love what you said about you kind of get out of touch with yourself almost like a friend, like boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, whatever, like, you know, you lose touch with your friends and you kind of don't know what's going on with them and there can be like frustrations between you because you're not like talking or spending time together. It's really the same with ourselves. And so I love that you mentioned all that and and one thing too that stood out to me is I think a lot of people in life just feel stuck. Like I think we just feel stuck, whether that's like our bodies aren't what we want them to be, we don't feel like we can like change that. We just feel stuck where our relationships aren't what we want them to be, or we feel so far from God, and we're like, just I don't know what to do, but I can't do anything about it? Yeah, I'm just curious like, what do you do in those moments in life where you feel stuck? Is there anything that you've learned that helps you to kind of get unstuck and move forward, because I think personally that's uh there's it's an indication one that there's some maybe Brokenness and trauma you need to deal with in two, it's an incredible opportunity for growth if you feel that stuck man. So I'm just curious what's helped you or what advice have you given to other people who feel stuck? Yeah, I would, I would kind of go back to my first point with the therapist, I think to make it a little bit more broad would be to to reach out to somebody who's going to be able to help you in in in the capacity that you need, whether that's encouragement and affirmation and just like, you know, telling you that you can do it, you can change, you can do whatever or whether it's somebody in a professional aspect who's gonna really help you to kind of overcome these obstacles and that for me has been what, what therapy has been or even if, you know, having certain mentors that I was able to go through, even if it wasn't a therapist over the years, I had several mentors who were just really critical that I could just be really open and vulnerable with and granted, you know, that's that's hard to find, it's hard to find people who not only number one you can trust, but number two who will relate because it's easier to find people, I can trust. It was harder though, you know, there's people that I could trust, that I could tell everything about my family and they just like, I don't know what to do with it because they've never been through themselves and like I don't know how to deal with that. Um so finding somebody who can relate to it and speak into it, and I think for me, like as humans, we're just we're made to be relational. I think that's why this dysfunction can be so so damaging is because it's the relationships that are dysfunctional, that are damaging, it's not just that you're sitting in your room, like thinking about thoughts about yourself that are creating this like spiral of dysfunction, it's relationships that are dysfunctional, and so in order to heal those, we need to have healthy relationships. And so that's why whether it's a therapist, whether it's a mentor, whether it's just a really good friend that you trust, reaching out to somebody to be able to share your stuck nous if you will or to share where you're at, but obviously already has the opportunity to kind of have that. And so, you know from a different perspective, I guess for me it's that's where prayer or just like self reflection has been so important. Um the reason why I would distinguish like prayer from self reflection and self reflection, for me, I'm very introspective anyways, but it was still more about like just me and kind of like me changing my life and and me fixing myself where prayer was more about like being transformed, um and not me transforming myself, but me allowing grace because of the way that I was created in love by love and for love to be able to be transformed and so that for me, like whether it's prayer self reflection of being able to just like honestly take a look at your life and you know, see is there another perspective that I can look at this from? You know? Yeah, maybe I'm so discouraged that I've tried to lose weight so many times my whole life and I just never have and maybe it's not because you actually like maybe it's not the actual weight loss itself, Maybe there's something else, like from a different perspective, there's something emotional, something that's hindering it and once you're able to heal that then like then it kind of fix it. So it's like thinking about things from a different perspective I think is is important because that's where the starkness I feel like for me comes is that when you're just looking at this thing the same way, the same perspective, you just beat your head over and over, like why can't I change it or why can't I heal this or why can't I do this or be better? Whatever it may be, you're just constantly like going to the same angle, like take a step to the side and then you're able to see better. So yeah, easier said than done obviously, but I just like I guess a couple of things for me to that that's been helpful, No, so good and you you reminded me of a couple of things that have been really helpful in the business world. One of them is don't just think through your problems, talk through your problems and we have different personalities listening, like introverts, extroverts all that. But this applies to everyone because one of the things I've learned is um if you look at a brain scan, when you're like thinking through a problem, your brain will light up a little bit, especially in the prefrontal cortex, you're like forehead section for everyone listening, which is where your executive functions are like your problem solving, you know critical thinking, all that when you think of your problems that it lights up a little bit, but not much, but when you actually talk through your problems, that area of your brain is like on fire if you look at a brain scan, which means you're gonna way better be able to overcome those problems. So when I feel stuck or when you know in the business world like team members that I'm working with, when they feel stuck that the first part, like you said it is like talking about it and it seems kind of silly for some people, but it's like no, that actually really helps and even on the level of your brain it can kind of kick you into a higher gear that you didn't even know was there and help you to like solve these problems. That's one thing and then the second thing is that, that I've learned is doing like really small things to move forward. So it's like yeah, you're not going to be able to maybe, you know, if you're just getting in shape so spend two hours in the gym doing all these like complex weight movements, but you can go for a walk, you know, you can, you can maybe go swim if you like that or go for a bike ride, like something really small, you can start moving forward. I found that to be really helpful and then on the belief factor you mentioned this a little bit. One of things that has been helpful for me to is just learning that what we believe about ourselves actually like dictates our actions because in a way we, we tend in life to act in a way that aligns with our beliefs or or another way to say it is, confirms our beliefs, it's kind of weird to think about, but you know, if you believe that you're like this worthless, you know, out of shape fat person and you're always going to be that way, what's the likelihood that you're going to act like someone who is disciplined and fit it, It's really low. But if you start to change, like you said that perspective, so the perspective you start to change, like what you believe about yourself, seeing that No, maybe I am that way right now or I feel that way, but I can change that, I can become someone different, that that can be what it takes, like having that growth mindset I think is what we're getting at, there is just really, really big, like you can change, you can grow, you're not just stuck in the way that you are now, so so much good stuff, there was anything to add there before I move on, just on the last part, I think that that was my experience, I would just describe it as like fake it till you make it almost like and that was my experience in college, like I just, I wasn't super confident, I was very insecure which people wouldn't have thought that like I had already been working out for a while, so I was pretty, I was in pretty good shape and so people thought I was kind of confident, but I wasn't and I remember my girlfriend in college just telling me like just fake it till you make it, nobody's gonna question if you act confident and so it's kind of like what you said and it really did, it transformed my whole mindset, like when I just started to believe again this is who I am and this is what I'm about, it really began to change my actions um so I think it's it's really beautiful and a lot of the people that I work with whether that's in fitness or even just like mentally I do, like a lot of like life coaching type stuff. A lot of the people who are stuck. It's exactly we mentioned, it's just like those repeated inner dialogues of like, I can't do this, why would I be able to do that? I've never been able to do that. I'm always going to be like this and a lot of times yeah, if you continue to tell yourself that you're gonna, you know, you're going to speak that and it's gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna see it happen. Um so yeah, I think there's something to it about just kind of faking it till you make it there you go, no love it. And uh one of the things, if it's okay, I want to brag on you for a second, like the way that your life is different now from what I've heard you say and how I know where you're at in life, you're now married, you're expecting a baby, which is amazing. You, you know, have grown a successful business, which is just exploding, you know, you have a house, you have a really good life. So I think it's beautiful to see how someone who comes from dysfunction like you and I do can then go on and like you've done build something really beautiful life and I'm sure there's things you're always working on want to improve, but um just a contrast for people, it is possible and I hope hearing Dakota story, everyone gives you hope that it's possible for you to appreciate that. It's been quite the journey but there is hope for sure if your parents were listening right now, what would you say to them? What would you want them to know? Mm That's a good question. Yeah. I mean I touched on it a little bit earlier. I think that was one thing when I used to start speaking more about more openly about my story was always kind of that fear of like what if my parents heard this like when they'd be so ashamed or and it's like, well it's your reality and they're very not like they know if I, if I, if they were listening, it really comes down to me. Like I mentioned seeing it from a different perspective where yeah, it's easy to kind of throw out the word dysfunctional out of abuse and yeah, it's certainly true that that's what happened. But a lot of what happened also like was there was a lot of growth and there was a lot of beautiful things that came from it. So while it was really tough, like I'm grateful for a lot of the ways that they, that they did try to be their best and and thankfully like, as I mentioned my parents, if you meet them, like incredible people, some some of the most like just interesting, complex human beings and you know, just really incredible individuals and with their own Brokenness and so I think for them, it's like understanding that you operate this way too because you've been through your own things and I think that's one thing that can be freeing if, you know, depending upon your situation of this function is like seeing it from a different perspective, like hurt people, I'm sure you may have said this before, like hurt people, hurt people people who are hurt, hurt other people. And so, you know, seeing my parents, it's like they've been hurt in ways and it's not like they just wanted, it's not like they woke up one day and they're like, man, I just can't wait to make this extremely dysfunctional family to create a really hectic situation for my kids to try to get out of this. Like nobody, nobody thinks that nobody wants that they're operating in away from their own parts. As I mentioned, their own internal parts and their own wounds and they're acting in ways that are trying to help protect themselves. So it's like, if I were to tell my parents, it's like, I recognize you did the best you could was there ways you could do better. Absolutely. And there's ways that, you know, my kids will say the same about myself, but not only that, but like as I mentioned, there's always room for healing and growth and the fact that there's wounds doesn't mean that it was just all bad and I think sometimes when I talk to my mom, she, she thinks that I'm like, I'm just so sad that like all your whole childhood, you just think of it as like bad and you're just sad and I don't, I really don't like there was a lot of beautiful memories and a lot of beautiful experiences and I'm grateful for the challenges that I was faced with that I was able to kind of rise up to the occasion through, you know, other people healing and talking through it and and all that type of stuff to really become who I am today. So you know, I'm grateful, I'm grateful that they've done the best they could and that they were there and the ways that they were and you know, I still look up to them both in incredible ways. I just texted my mom the other day like she's the strongest person I know and it's so true. So yeah, there's, there's still a lot of gratitude there despite the hurt and that's, you know, that's come from a lot of years of, of healing. There's still a lot of hurt and anger there, but but you can start to see it from a different perspective when you have kind of more empathy, good stuff man, thanks for sharing that I want to shift to fitness to your business. So you are a coach, a fitness coach and nutrition coach and we'll get into kind of exactly what you offer because I want to make sure that people listening who, who need the help, who want to help can reach out to and work with you. But I'm curious starting out like what sort of transformations have you helped people achieve? Oh man. Every type you can imagine from you're a guy who's like £400 and wants to lose weight to a drug addict who feels like they have no control over their life to your stay at home mom who's like, I just want to look better and feel more confident in my close to your like ceo executive type people who are like, I'm firing on all my soldiers in this capacity, but I feel like I'm failing in this capacity. So really like every type, you can imagine people with autoimmune disorders who have, you know, rheumatoid arthritis, who have, who haven't been able to open a jar of pickles because their hands are so sore and helping them to live a life of freedom to act. You know, athletes to um are functioning well and really good at what they do but want to be better. So really like every type of individual, I would say for the most part it's pretty typical like life transformation weight loss type stuff because yeah, I work with mostly americans and a lot of, a lot of americans aren't in the shape that they want to be. Um I work with people all over the world though, which is interesting the different cultural aspects, but yeah, pretty much every type of, of transformation. But I would say the best part about what I do in my most favorite part and the most impactful part is those internal transformations. And I would say I've worked with over 700 people now and I've never had one where it's just been simply like, you know, I just want to get better shape. People might start that way and might start like, hey, I want to get a six pack or I wanna look better in my bathing suit, but it never ends that way. There's always something along the way where it's like, wow, I feel so much more transformed in X. Y or Z. And and that's, you know, we'll get two more like that, that body spirit, the body soul component, the relationship of them. You can't really impact one without the other. So you can, you can try to just get healthier and you can and you can try to leave it at that. But at least for me, in my experience and journey with people, it's always about something more and those that internal freedom, the internal joy, the internal confidence, rewriting that internal dialogue. That's the transformation that I love to see. And it's so cool to see how it goes beyond just the fitness area, how it impacts different parts of their lives. And it makes sense because you know, if you imagine on the flip side when one part of your life starts to break down almost like if you were to have a flat tire, the rest of your car isn't going to drive the way it should. And so if you get that part of your life together, it makes sense that it would transfer to the other parts of your life too. So good. I wanna, I wanna kind of rapid fire some fitness class to you that I know a lot of people think about wonder and if it's okay, you can answer them as quickly as long as you want. Um how does that sound? Yeah, sounds good to me, awesome. So water is obviously a really important part of fitness. How much water do you advise that people drink every day? Yeah, that's a good question. I mean in general, I think the Mayo clinic says like for men around a gallon for women, like three quarter gallon, I would say if you're shooting anywhere between like a half gallon, two gallon. So if you're looking at like ounces, you know, shooting for like, let's say 7200 and 20 ounces. Like that's a really good range to shoot for. I will say that most people the vast majority way under drink and if you want just like one way that you can really just like make yourself feel better, drink more water Sounds so simple. You've heard your whole life. I promise you try it for like the next week, try to get a half gallon or a gallon in every single day and you will feel completely different. I would recommend in terms of like how to get more water. Like are there any tips or tricks you've learned of like maybe having a huge water bottle and carried around with you or something like that because I know a lot of times people can just be like so busy so I didn't get up to get water any tips on that. Yeah, for me, when I tell my clients is like, I mean I always carry a big water bottle with me anyways, but obviously having it with you is important, but the best way to stay ahead is just to get ahead. So in the morning this is another little tip. Obviously most people go to coffee first thing, our body is made of coffee, our body is made of primarily water. So if you want like the fastest way to wake up, like right when you wake up, just drink like a couple of big glasses of water, your body will appreciate it and it will tell you that it appreciates it. So that's for me is like the easiest way to stay ahead is just like get a bunch in the morning. So like I used to drink a half gallon in the morning. Like when I'm just like stretching, praying, I'll drink a half gallon and then the rest of the day, it's like easier to kind of keep up, get a big water bottle and then just like, usually it'll be like every meal, just try to get, you know, 30 ounces or 20 or 30 ounces. It seems like a lot when you get in the habit, it'll be easier. And then like over the course of, you know, your day, 34 meals um you're getting closer than in the morning at night, if you work out, get more water. So yeah, just a little easy way to try to get ahead, but it will it will totally make a difference. Yes, you will have to pay a lot more so you have to navigate that, but it's a big way to just increase quality of life, awesome. So helpful. Yeah, I know exercise and nutrition are both obviously important, getting in shape, but is one, would you say more important than the other that you need to prioritize or do they just go hand in hand? Oh no, 100% nutrition is going to be much more important. Exercise certainly is important when you're looking at different transformations, like again, if you're looking at fat loss, you can lose fat with just nutrition, it's a lot harder to do that with just exercise. You can, if your nutrition is not complimentary to your exercise doesn't matter what you do, it's not gonna happen and when it comes to gaining muscle, obviously you're gonna have to work out, you can't just like eat your way to gaining muscle. But if you just like to use an analogy, I mean you're looking at the car like nutrition is gonna be like the gasoline, that's gonna be the thing that makes it run the engine, the gasoline, the workout is like going to a body shop and like putting tints on your window, like getting better tired and rims like kind of, you know, spiffing up your car a bit, making modifications. That's like more of the exercise, but the nutrition, like you got to have that to make it run well, so that's definitely the most important. Okay, and how about sleep? I didn't plan to really talk about this much, but I'm just curious if there's any quick tips there, Like how much did you get in any best practices? Yeah. Well, just to mention like, everybody knows again, sleep is important and I can't stress enough, like how important. Um if you just like look at some of the research, people who get like five hours or less of sleep, like typical B. M. I. For people's bodies are gonna be way more dramatic as far as like the obese category than people who get 78 hours, the stress that it causes in your body and the way that that it manipulates your hormones, particularly cortisol almost make it impossible to lose weight. So you can have your nutrition, you can have your exercise, you can have everything, like in check if your sleep is out of whack. It can totally undermine everything that you're doing. So how do you read recommend prioritizing that obviously nowadays is pretty big topic with like blue light with people's phones, Like trying to minimize the amount of blue light you're getting like an hour before bed is gonna really help your body to get into deeper m cycles and deeper sleep. And then, yeah, just like trying to prioritize to make sure you're getting a solid amount, but super, super important sleep. It's like the only time really that our body has to do so much of like the maintenance and healing. It just doesn't happen when we're awake. Like it's even like our brain the way that our body kind of like heels and just like does maintenance on our brain like it. And that's why if you're like lacking sleep like in the seals when they have hell week and they don't sleep, like you start hallucinating like you just will not work right now. Is there a particular like our count like six hours? I mean 7 to 8 is still gonna be the typical recommended. You know, different people. It's gonna work differently. Our bodies can, they can be trained differently so you can kind of train your body to work off less. But I would say strive for at least seven where possible. Like having a bunch of kids may be tough. But yeah, ideal. Yeah, no, I get that a good thing to shoot for and uh let's say someone is, you know, super super busy, like maybe a single mom who has two jobs and kids and all that. If they have very little time to work out what can they do? Yeah, it's a great question. I get asked a lot. There certainly is situations like you mentioned where it's like they literally don't have time. The first thing I'll mention is that usually people have more time than they think they're just not making time. I hear it all the time. Hey, I don't have time. It's like, okay, let's look at a detailed breakdown of your schedule and like let's break it out hour by hour, minute by minute. It's like, oh, there actually is time, like here's some waste of time, here's some waste of time here a couple little early or whatever maybe. So usually we can make time, but if not like kind of like you mentioned little things that you can do going for walks, you know, parking further away from the store, so you're having to walk more, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, drinking more water. Little things that you can do just to keep your kind of like what we would call just like your daily activity rate higher so that, you know, standing at your desk, I work from standing desk, things like that, even that expends energy, So little things like that, but as I mentioned, like most people, even like 2-3 days a week could manage to get 30 minutes in. Um and you can certainly get some really good exercising within like 30 minutes to three days a week. So I would say if you're not able to get 30 minutes to two days a week, like either you do have like the most insane life I've ever heard of, or maybe we just need to kind of look at your schedule and see how we can work a couple of things around because it might take some sacrifice. But like I have parents that I work with who have five kids. I actually do have a mom who works two jobs and has kids and she's killing it. And so yeah, take some time. Maybe you have to invest into a babysitter here and there, I can promise you like the dividends that you'll get back from, those little sacrifices are gonna be worth it because you can't give what you don't have and if you're not taking care of yourself, you're just not gonna be able to give as much. So that's like the main theme is like this self mastery, taking time for yourself is going to lead to a better self. Yeah. And even financially, I've seen it where it's like you, you know, if if you get in better shape, like you can perform better at your job, sort of business, you can be more confident. Like it's insane how, you know those sacrifices that we make like for example, like hiring a coach like you, it's like, I don't know if I could afford that, but people normally just focus on the cost but I don't think well what could come of this and you can get 10 times as much as you're spending or more if you just put in the money put in the time. Absolutely No, I totally agree. How about motivation and discipline? Like obviously motivation is not gonna last. So you need discipline. Any tips or tricks there. Yeah, I wish there was good tips and tricks. I will say if there was a tip or trick, the thing that I found most successful for people and it's going to depend on your temperament but make it about more than just you make it something bigger, Get other people involved. I've had clients that I'll encourage and I'll do this myself like, but especially clients that I have to work out early in the morning, Sometimes it's just hard to get up and so I'll have clients like, alright, you know, people will write books and dedication for other people. People run marathons for their nose cancer. People dedicate movies. Let's dedicate your workout. So text somebody the night before and tell like texture on who you haven't talked to in a while who you know might be just kind of feeling lonely and be like, hey just checking in, see how you're doing it while it's you know like tomorrow morning five a.m. I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna work out and I'm dedicating it for you. You can make it a prayer, you can just make it a dedication intention, but you make it a lot more than yourself. You're much more willing to show up when somebody else is on the line than when your own like your own egos on the line. It's much easier to show up at the gym if you know somebody's gonna be there waiting for you so you can get somebody to kind of get involved in this. Um, and it's a win win because you're helping them as well. So getting other people involved I've seen is pretty successful for the discipline factor and and just making it about more than more than just yourself. Yeah. It's really cool to see clients who will pull it in and it really kind of creates can create a cool community parents like setting examples for their kids and their kids starting to hold them accountable like their kids will know my plan and so they'll know what their parents should be doing and they're like, I wasn't gonna work out and then my kid was like wait mom, aren't you working out and so yeah, just having somebody to help keep you accountable but not in like a checking way like, hey are you doing the right thing? If not your failure. No, like in an encouragement way of like I'm gonna do this for you and I'm gonna dedicate this for you and you know, I hope that I have the strength to do this to get through this so that you have the strength to get through whatever you're going through a little things like that. So yeah, discipline is always going to be the big thing, motivation certainly doesn't last. And I declined last week asked me that, you know, Dakota, how do you keep going? You been doing this for 10 years? How do you keep going every single day? For me? It's just not even a question anymore. It's like, it's just a well, do you have to ask like, do you have to ask yourself, am I going to go to work tomorrow? Like usually not unless you have some time off, like well how do you keep showing up to work if you don't want to go, if you, if you don't love your job? Well I go because I need to make money, but what does money do? It provides a better quality of life? Okay, well that's the same thing for me. So I need to invest in my health because I want a certain quality of life. You don't have to work, You could just not go to work tomorrow if you want, but yet you still go every single day even though you don't necessarily like it because you want a quality of life. So for me it's the same thing I don't, it's not even a question of like am I gonna eat healthier workout? Like of course I am because I want a certain quality of life and I need to do that in order to achieve that quality of life. So for me, the discipline of it is about more like it started off certainly is like trying to get attention and wanting, you know, coping with my own issues, whatever. Um it's turned into a lot more of like I wanna build virtue. I want to set an example. I can do hard things. I love to do hard things like I feel good doing hard things. Nobody's ever felt better sitting on the couch going instagram for an hour. Like you might think it's gonna be relaxing, but it's not, but I've never had somebody who's regretted going to the gym to make themselves better. So so good man. Love it. And what's one thing that someone listening right now can do to either begin their journey down the fitness and health path or maybe go further than they are right now. What's one thing that they can do today? Well if I had to give like the best like the cream of the crop advice, it's gonna be the same thing as I said earlier, reach out to somebody who can help you with it. Having having a coach or a therapist or whatever, having a coach isn't for people who don't know what they're doing. It's for people who want to be the best at what they're doing. Michael Jordan's had a basketball coach until he retired. Why not? Because he wasn't professional basketball, He's the best player of all time because he wanted to be the best because he wanted to get better and better. So yeah, obviously having a coach in some respect is if you don't know what you're doing, but it's simply for wanting to the best. So one thing you could do would be to reach out to somebody, is there is there one person that you've seen consistently just like they're always posting their workout? So they, they seem like they're just such a dedicated individual. Ask them like ask them some advice, hey, how do you get into your fitness journey? Do you have any advice for me what I can do today or you know, hey, can you just like take me for a workout sometime and kind of show me stuff. It's, it's good to get advice from people. But other than that, like one thing yeah, you could do, I would say is like for the nutrition side, start avoiding like processed foods. If it comes in like a package bag, you know, you want to avoid it in the grocery store that's kind of easy. Like stay on the perimeters, don't go into the aisles. It's kind of a general thumb like they have the vegetables, the meats, that, the eggs, like all that kind of stuff on the outside. All the inside stuff is like the cheez, its Oreos, the Doritos, that kind of stuff. So avoiding, you know, processed packaged foods and then again, just starting simple like, okay, tomorrow morning, I'm gonna get up a little bit earlier. I'm gonna walk for 20 or 30 minutes outside or inside. I'm gonna listen to a podcast. Um, whatever it may be just something that is going to be a little step towards progress. So yeah, just don't be hard on yourself. But I would say, you know, sticking to whole foods, drinking more water and then trying to have at least one piece of activity per day for like 20-30 minutes. Really good. And just in closing out this session, I'm curious what's your advice to people who maybe feel hopeless about their body? Like they want to take care of themselves, but they never work out or perhaps they're injured or disabled. What would encourage when you give to those who feel hopeless? Yeah, it's, it's, it's the same advice I give to people with dysfunction. Dysfunctional families who feel hopeless about it is that there's absolutely hope like you're never too old. I, I literally am just starting with the client. I'm writing this program now. He's 73. Um, I've started with people in their 50s who have like never worked out before. It is never too late to change our bodies are extremely resilient and extremely complex, amazing creations. It doesn't matter if you've been overweight your whole life, it doesn't matter if you've had an eating disorder your whole life or whatever it may be. It's never too late to kind of change it around your body will adapt. And so I just don't give up a lot of people, especially in the weight loss world, you know, they've tried everything. They feel like, you know, I've tried every single diet after every year, I try this New Year's or whatever may be, and I just always fail, I'm such a failure. So it's like, you don't even want to try anymore because you just feel like you're gonna fail again. Well, all it takes is one time to be success. It doesn't matter if you failed 156 times. All it takes is that one new time to be successful. So I would say, I don't care if you fail for the rest of your life, at least you're not going to be, you know, stuck with people who never tried, at least you're gonna be somebody who's trying to try. But I can promise you, if you keep trying, you're gonna end up succeeding, especially if you get the right people in your corner to to support you. So yeah, find those people find somebody who's gonna be able to support and encourage you and who's gonna believe in you because sometimes, yeah, you don't have that belief in yourself, somebody else might and they can kind of help, you know, kick it in gear when you need it. Great advice man, thanks so much for spending the time and for giving us all this advice if people want to follow you, where can they do that? And what products with services do you offer? Yeah, absolutely. So my business is called Dakota Lane Fitness. Um, so the website is just Dakota Lane fitness dot com Ela and it's like the street and yeah, I do, I do all customized fitness nutrition coaching. So basically I build personalized exercise programs and customized nutrition programs for people all over the world and then I walk with people as they implement them, I teach them how to implement it, give them accountability coaching, help them to troubleshoot the issues and achieve whatever goals are looking for. So yeah, website like I said, Dakota Lane Fitness dot com instagram is just Dakota Lane Fitness, all one word, facebook, Dakota Lane Fitness. So yeah, pretty much Dakota Lane Fitness all around. And uh yeah, I'm always happy if people ever have questions, even if you don't want to use my services or my coaching, I'm an open online, any time you can email me decode Elaine fitness at gmail dot com, ask any questions, finishing questions, nutrition questions, life questions, whatever. Maybe I'm an open line, happy to provide any advice that I can, thanks so much. That's super generous man and your business is blowing up. I just want to give a plug Dakota has like, you know what, what 20 something countries, people, seven continents pretty wild, wow. And you've worked with hundreds of people you're certified physical or I'm sorry, physical, personal trainer, nutrition coach, like all that stuff you have the credentials and you've just been able to like really, really help people transform their bodies, anything you would add in terms of that. Um, yeah, I mean, like I said for me earlier, like it is of course about body transformations. People come to me because they want to get in shape. What they end up finding is like deep down what we're really asking is, hey, can you help me be happy? That's what we're all searching for is like I want to be happy and people come to me because they think that getting shape is gonna make them happy in some ways. It definitely will, but there's a lot more than just happiness involved. Our bodies are going to pass away. So yeah, well it's great to take care of it and to make it look really good. We know that it's not going to go with us, we can't take it with us. So it is something more and for me it's, it's really about, you know, giving the honor to my body, the gift that I've been given and knowing that the relationship between your body and your soul as you may with a flat tire, like if one thing isn't working right, the rest of you isn't gonna be working right. So um, yeah, just taking care of yourself. You feel so much better. Like I can't, I can't tell you how many people that I work with who are just so used to living a quality of life of a 1990 broken on Honda Civic. And they don't realize that their quality of life could be a 2022 range rover and they don't realize that cars can work that well because they've been so you working the way it is, you know, being tired having aches and pains lethargic, no motivation. Just worn down. Like that is not normal. That's not how life has to be. Like there is such a bright, beautiful life out there and that's what I really want people to experience and that's what's been awesome to help so many people with. So yeah, I say that that's my last thing. So good. Thanks so much. And guys, if you want to check out Dakota will link to the social pages and then also to his website and it's one fun thing you could do guys is just check out the transformations he's been, he's been able to help people achieve, which you know, you'll see the physical transformation, but like he said, knowing that there's so much more going on in terms of making that person better, stronger, more virtuous, so Dakota thanks so much for spending so much time with us. Really appreciate, man, I want to give you the final word. What encouragement would you give to someone who feels really broken, who feel stuck because of their parents did or because of their broken family. Any final piece of advice, which I'm sure might echo some of the things we discussed before. Yeah, I would say just keep going. Um it's never, it's never too late. Like I said, there is such beauty to life. Life is really a miracle. The fact that we're, that we're here on this planet, like everything that had to happen for us to be here. Like the odds are stacked so far against us. So the fact that you're here already, it means like you're a champion, you already won, you got the gift of life. So in that respect, like there's so much even more beyond that. Like the beauty that life has to offer is out there. And unfortunately a lot of us were born in situations where that's not our first experience. Like I mentioned, I got to a point where I looked at life and I was like, if this is all life has to offer, I don't want to be part of it, thankfully. I started to see that there was a lot more. Um, and I hope that people can, can start to believe that if they don't and if they can see that maybe I can't see it now, Maybe I don't even believe it, but take my word for it, that it's out there and you keep searching for it, you're gonna find it. So reach out to people who you respect, who are living a life that you want to live. Like, you know, reach out to people who you admire and are living a life that, that looks beautiful. Um, asking for advice, open up to people um, and just be willing to be surprised that life could have a lot more to offer than you even realized. I hope that conversation was helpful and it was for me and wherever you're at with health and fitness, my challenge for you is this what's one thing that you can do this week to grow and improve and then do it, don't overthink it. Just do it. Just pick one thing that you can do this week to grow and improve when it comes to your physical health. And if you'd like to consider working with Dakota, I definitely recommend it. Head to his website at Dakota Land fitness dot com. Or just click on the link in the show notes And as Dakota said, one tactic to hell is really finding someone who can guide you, like a counselor or a coach. But so often it can be really difficult and time consuming to find someone like that. If you've done this search, you know how time consuming it can be now thankfully it restored. We're building a network of counselors, coaches and spiritual directors that we trust and recommend. And by using our network, it's just going to save you lots of time and effort in searching for that counselor that coach or that spiritual director and then you also find a competent professional that we've vetted, that we trust that we recommend. And so to find one, it's really simple. Just go to restored ministry dot com slash coaching again, restored ministry dot com slash coaching. Just felt the quick form on that page takes less than a minute and then we'll connect you with the counselor coach or spiritual director. When we have one for you again, go to restored ministry dot com slash coaching or just click on the link in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening. If you know someone who's struggling from their parents, divorce or broken marriage, make sure to share this podcast with them and always remember you're not alone. We're here to help you feel whole again and break the cycle of dysfunction and divorce in your own life.
