How Restored Helped Me: "I Heard That I Was Worthy of Love"

3 minute read.

This is Angela’s story about she has been helped through Restored. She has given permission for her story to be shared.

What was the problem you were having before you discovered Restored?

I was fighting intense self-hate and a self-harming addiction that came from being continually blamed for the breakdown of my family and for my dad leaving. I was told that he left because of me because I was too hard to live with. I could not find anyone who understood what I had been through and who could help me heal. I had some kind friends in my life but even they did not really "get me" most of the time when it came to the divorce and struggles I was having because of it. My dear mom and sister understood, but they were going through the trauma with me and I needed someone who could be strong for me.

How did the problem make you feel?

I felt really alone, and like I was at constant war with myself. I felt like I had no one to turn to and like I would be trapped in a depressed, self-hating hole for the rest of my life. I felt like I should have and could have fixed my family and saved my parents’ marriage and that it was my fault that everything had fallen apart. I felt that I was not worthy of love. I reached a point of thinking I would be better off dead. It was a very scary, lonely place to be and I did not feel that there was any hope to get better.

What was different or unique about Restored?

At Restored, I experienced, for the first time, people who really understood what I had been through and was still going through. Not only did I feel understood but they also guided me to understand myself and to gain tools of healing to stop the self-hate and self-abuse I had fallen into because I believed the abusive people in my family, who blamed me for everything. For the first time in my life, I heard, consistently and kindly, that the divorce and breaking apart of my family was NOT my fault and that there was nothing I could have done to save it. I heard that I was worthy of love and that healing was possible but that part of my heart would always ache and that that was ok. It was the message I had so desperately needed to hear for so long.

Take us to the moment when you realized Restored was actually helping you.

It was a gradual process but I remember the first time I met with Joey, the first time I experienced Restored, and how amazing it was. He listened to me, REALLY listened and I could tell how much he cared about my pain, how much he understood me, and I remember feeling like I had finally found the level of empathy and compassion that I had craved for so long. I was able to really open up about my pain without having to hold some things back and for the first time, I was told that it was not my fault and that I was not responsible to fix my family's mess. It was so freeing.

Tell us how different your life looks now.

Through the amazing, caring guidance and help that Restored has continued to give me and through the sources, their podcasts and the books, extra therapy, and articles that I have found through them, I have come to a place of self-love, self-compassion, and healing that I never expected to reach. My life is still hard and the wounds are still there in many ways, but I no longer feel at war with myself, no longer feel alone, or like I have to punish myself. I have overcome my self-harm addiction, gained confidence in telling my story, and learned how to have healthy boundaries in my life. This I owe in great measure to Restored. They walk with you. They guide you at each step of the healing journey. They do not just say that they care, they really do care.

What's your favorite thing that Restored offers?

I have been so helped by the personal coaching. Joey is amazing in how he listens and really cares and in the suggestions he offers. And one of the biggest gifts that I received through Restored was being told about intensive trauma therapy that a beautiful therapist in Ohio, Margaret Vasquez, offers. I heard about it first through Joey and then on the Restored podcast and I went because I trusted him and he encouraged me to go. Through that therapy, I found out how to love myself and stop abusing myself. I finally understood that the past trauma I had gone through was not my fault. I gained a new chance at life and stopped wishing I had never been born. It was the most amazing experience and I will be forever grateful to Restored for leading me there.